Photos - Please be gentle with me

[Pollypocket89]

Hi

Please be gentle with me.

Is there any innocent reason your dh would be looking at photos of another woman he knows (work together) on social media?

Looking at photos as a once off I wouldn’t think anything off. I’m nosy so have had a look a colleagues Facebook profiles before. Many people have done the same.

The thing is, I’ve read your other threads and if he’s looking at this woman’s photos it definitely means something. His interest in her borders in obsession. I would not be ok with that. He’s obviously still thinking about her and finds it hard to distance himself from her. Not good

What did he say when you asked him about it?

Ah, ok, I wasn't aware of the background.

OP, this isn't going to get my better.

It really isn't

He has obviously got a thing about this woman. She isn't just any colleague. She's a person whose photography he is constantly looking at. Why didn't you have this out before now?

Terminate the pregnancy? Who says that to someone?!

As I said, we're 8 years and 1 dc in. I'm 3 months pregnant and can't understand why he can't seem to stop looking at photos of this bloody woman

Because he's infatuated with her.

Is she married?

What part of ‘be gentle do people not get?!

It’s obviously eaten away at you OP and sometimes it takes a while to accept what your heart knows.

Saying that, I think a lot of people who are married develop crushes or are physically attracted to other people at various stages.

It is down to you to gauge whether he would act on it.

A lot of women know, married men look at women all the time.

Ah. Now having searched (since there clearly is extensive history)

You are going round in circles with the same shit from him, the same questions here. You seem to be stuck in a painful groove and now you are pregnant by someone who seems, at least, to be obsessed with another woman if not actively having at least an emotional affair with her. Nothing has changed, and nothing will. He clearly doesn't care enough about you to break it off with her.

@Pollypocket89 Do you honestly want to be tied to this man through a child? That was my point. He doesn't love you, he will never stop loving the woman he works with. I personally would not want to bring a child into that situation.

@Pollypocket89

Terminate the pregnancy? Who says that to someone?!

As I said, we're 8 years and 1 dc in. I'm 3 months pregnant and can't understand why he can't seem to stop looking at photos of this bloody woman

I’m sorry op but the reason why is because he doesn’t care and/or he fancies her and can’t stop thinking about her.

That doesn’t mean to come across as harsh but that is the only reasons for the history of behaviour he has regarding her surely? Trying to suggest there is any other reason is being unfair to yourself.

Possibly the other reason is that he thinks he can get away with inappropriate behaviour because he has previously.

I’m sorry op it must be very hard, especially since your pregnant.

[quote Kalula]@Pollypocket89 Do you honestly want to be tied to this man through a child? That was my point. He doesn't love you, he will never stop loving the woman he works with. I personally would not want to bring a child into that situation.[/quote]
They’ve already got one!!

So they’re already tied. And she wants this baby.

FGS read the OP’s posts!

Do pp actually think he loves her?

Thanks to those who did read. I don't mind the searching of previous threads, I just don't have the energy to explain again

It doesn't come across as harsh, I just really thought with this baby it would be a fresh start otherwise surely he wouldn't be on board with it

@Pollypocket89 you sound exhausted.

It took a colleague of mine three years to leave her husband. She hasn’t looked back!

He probably doesn’t love her but he doesn’t respect you and that doesn’t bode well. I wouldn’t terminate in your shoes, I know many would and it’s an option. But bringing more children doesn’t fix anything.

You don’t need anyone in your life that makes you suffer.

Babies don't fix relationships.

ever decreasing circles

Ever decreasing circles? I don't understand?

No they don't fix relationships. But he seemed happy about it

@Pollypocket89

Ever decreasing circles? I don't understand?

No they don't fix relationships. But he seemed happy about it

meaning you are going round and round, repeating the same things, never achieving anything, in fact things getting worse each time because the more you put up with, the more he will do, as he knows you aren't going to do anything about it.

He's probably fine with a baby, as he doesn't really want to destroy his comfy life for her - she's a lovely fantasy, his dream life, the escapism, the "what if?"..... But he certainly doesn't care much for you, it would appear, as he really doesn't care that his behaviour upsets you.

I think I'm actually afraid he does love her. I don't see any other reason to keep looking at her, it's not just provocative photos, it's her face, her life. In the entire duration of our relationship he's never given me reason to doubt her bar her. He said she's nothing to worry about and yet I see him in our bedroom sadly staring at a photo of them together

Whoever asked if she's married, no she's single.

Me and DP regularly nose about on social media and show each other if the other happens to ask. Have you never started looking at someone's pics and ended up looking at your aunties third cousins roommates Christmas 2006 album?!

Please read the thread... :(

Polly yes, it does sound like he's in love with her. She's not just a pretty face - or wank fodder - there's the whole internet for that.
If he knows her and likes her and you are continuously living under the shakedown of his feelings for her isn't it best you split up?

You should keep the baby, of course you should, but a new baby is not going to fix this.

Honestly op, you've been in this limbo for a long old time now.

The complications of a new baby do nothing to strengthen a relationship. Your body changing, your time being diverted to another child, tiredness etc etc. Who's going to look even better prancing around in their underwear? Who's going to carry on staring at her? Your bloody husband!

He knows it bothers you. He knows you'll tolerate it though/won't leave. So why on earth would he stop fantasising and mooning over her? He's got nothing to lose.

can't understand why he can't seem to stop looking at photos of this bloody woman

because he loves her / is fixated with her and wants to see her. looking at her photos makes him happy so he is doing it in his spare time. i suggest you leave and find someone who likes you that much.