For those of you who have had the “I want a divorce” talk, can you help me build a script or talk track so I can prepare? I will grin and bear it through Xmas but need to have the talk in January as 2021 is going to be my year to start living the life I dreamed of.
Background d. Married for 15 years. The last 7 years have been crappy. 5 years ago he had an affair with a coworker. I left and moved into a rental with the kids (1&3) and was coaxed back under the promise that he would change, and to give him a second chance. Nothing has changed and I’m so angry at myself for not cutting ties, and wasting another 5 years of my life with him.
I’ve been dropping hints for the past 2 years but I’m sure he will claim he is blind sighted by my request to divorce. I think I can pinpoint to 3 key reasons (although there are many) so was going to structure it like:
Opening: We need to talk - I want a divorce
Reason #1 : Short tempered and angry all the time. Argues with the kids 6&8yo boys and verbally abuses them, puts them down, calling them stupid and ruining his life. He is abusive towards his elderly mum, and my mum (actually all women and kids). Our Kids are scared of him when he is in a rage and ask me why daddy is so horrible to them. I live for the moments I spend with the kids, without him around, and I want to bring them up in a happy environment.
Reason #2 : We aren’t attracted to each other anymore. We haven’t had sex for 7.5 years she. The youngest was conceived. A nightly peck on the lips is not enough for me. I can’t live like this any longer. I’m not overweight but my self esteem is at an all time low because I feel unattractive, and I want the opportunity to date others and feel loved.
Reason #3: Tossing up between “I thought by now you would have matured, but no, you continue to act and dress like a 17yo in a 43yo body” or “I dread weekends and holidays with you” or “we just want different things in life, let’s accept this and move on amicably” option 3 is probably the gentle option - quite frankly I hate him, and the longer I stay with him the more I hate myself for staying with him.
Closing: I want you to move out this time (I moved out last time with the kids) now they are older they need to be in a stable home while they process this change. We can sell the house in a year or two. Take whatever you need, and the kids and I will make do with what is left.
[if he refuses to leave, I guess we will need to sell the house which will disrupt the kids and I know I will do all the pre-sale work]
I earn more than him, but still do all the ‘stay at home mum’ stuff, as well as working full time, so I know the kids and I will be ok. I just want out. I’m done. I’m just gutless at having these confrontational conversations. It was much easier last time when it was obvious he was seeing another woman ... I had the phone bills, emails, and photos to prove. This time I am going to be the bad arse, and that makes me uncomfortable.
Help me please :)