Page 15 | Would you date/marry a man without higher education?

bunny85 · 2020-12-17T22:42:52+00:00

Just that really. If everything else was great, would it be a deal breaker for you? Let's say a man who only finished high school- no college, no uni. Would you?

vanillandhoney · 21/12/2020 22:28

Yep.

DH dropped out at fourteen. I went to an RG university. Our marriage is great (he also earns 3-4x what I do!).

Flatpackback · 21/12/2020 22:32

I’ve met some super thick, barely literate people with degrees

IdblowJonSnow · 21/12/2020 22:32

Yes, of course.

FortunesFave · 22/12/2020 07:28

Flatpack I find comments like that so depressing. My DD is incredibly bright but has dysgraphia and ADD. Combined, the two issues render her spelling atrocious and her handwriting illegible.

I hope people don't think she's "super thick" because she's not the most literate person.

JonHammIsMyJamm · 22/12/2020 08:35

These threads are always full of millionaire school leavers and dunce degree holders. Whilst I 100% agree that the reasons people don’t attend university are much more complex than stereotypes of thick/clever, it’s equally laughably reductive to say that university degrees are meaningless and the ‘university of life’ is just as educationally & financially beneficial (or more so). Studies show that (on average) graduates earn more than non-graduates, women especially benefit from holding a degree.

That doesn’t mean that non-graduates can’t be happy, ‘successful’ (subjective), respected, can’t support themselves etc but let’s not pretend that all (or the majority) of non graduates are running multi million £ businesses. Lots are living normal, average, lives.

multivac · 22/12/2020 11:15

@JonHammIsMyJamm

These threads are always full of millionaire school leavers and dunce degree holders. Whilst I 100% agree that the reasons people don’t attend university are much more complex than stereotypes of thick/clever, it’s equally laughably reductive to say that university degrees are meaningless and the ‘university of life’ is just as educationally & financially beneficial (or more so). Studies show that (on average) graduates earn more than non-graduates, women especially benefit from holding a degree.

That doesn’t mean that non-graduates can’t be happy, ‘successful’ (subjective), respected, can’t support themselves etc but let’s not pretend that all (or the majority) of non graduates are running multi million £ businesses. Lots are living normal, average, lives.

... which is (just one reason) why making 'having a degree' a straight up relationship deal breaker is so weird. Especially for someone who is single and really doesn't want to be.

multivac · 22/12/2020 11:17

I mean, I'm assuming you would extend your point to not assuming that all graduates are socially competent, well read, interesting and compassionate people?

Mamagotskills · 22/12/2020 11:22

Yep, I married one, he also earns really well (well into higher tax bracket) and is very good at what he does whilst having other interests in sport/ music plays an instrument etc. I on the other hand have a degree that was almost entirely a waste of time

Pyewhacket · 22/12/2020 11:25

Depends on the man, surely ?.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/12/2020 11:25

@SendHelp30

Jesus Christ do people really think this way? What a truly sad question.

I think they do to be honest. I know someone who won't date people who put 'self-employed' on their online profile because she thinks it means a tradesperson.

What's interesting on this thread though it that a lot of posters are saying they would date someone without higher education 'because they often earn more' so being even more shallow imo.

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/12/2020 11:27

I think they do to be honest. I know someone who won't date people who put 'self-employed' on their online profile because she thinks it means a tradesperson

Ds is self employed. He is atm a stock trader.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/12/2020 11:29

"Studies show that (on average) graduates earn more than non-graduates, women especially benefit from holding a degree.

That's all gradates versus all non-graduates though. If you break it down, you get different outcomes. I haven't looked at more recent stats, but it used to be that if you had a degree in an arts subject, you didn't earn more than someone with A levels. That would presumably affect women quite a lot. I'd definitely have a lot more money if I'd started doing my admin jobs at 16 rather than 22 for the same kind of job.

But I don't think it's particularly better to discount people based on their earning power than on their educational level!

Gwenhwyfar · 22/12/2020 11:30

@Oliversmumsarmy

I think they do to be honest. I know someone who won't date people who put 'self-employed' on their online profile because she thinks it means a tradesperson

Ds is self employed. He is atm a stock trader.

Yes, of course self-employed could be anything, but she was so scared of ending up with a plumber (because of the presumed level of education, not income) that she disregarded all self-employed people.

SendHelp30 · 22/12/2020 11:34

@Gwenhwyfar then she’s missing out! DH is very intelligent and owns his own business (construction) He is the most loyal, loving & hard working man I know. More fool her.

JonHammIsMyJamm · 22/12/2020 11:34

@multivac

I mean, I'm assuming you would extend your point to not assuming that all graduates are socially competent, well read, interesting and compassionate people?

Of course, I was commenting on the extremes posters go to demonstrate that they or their situation doesn’t fit the general phenomena. I don’t believe that non graduates can’t be great partners or rounded people. That absolutely wasn’t the point I was making. I probably should’ve been clearer on that.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/12/2020 11:37

@multivac

Men dont usually care what she studied or what job she has as long as she is pretty, fit, puts out and isnt 'a gold digger'.

I'm sorry you know such shit men. That must be very tedious for you.

I know someone who dumped his girlfriend so she could 'got and better herself'. I think he was coming under pressure from a snobby mother, but that's no excuse really. He knew her job when they started.

multivac · 22/12/2020 11:46

@Pyewhacket

Depends on the man, surely ?.

You'd think! But apparently not...

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/12/2020 11:49

Gwenhwyfar

Have you seen how much some plumbers earn😀

JonHammIsMyJamm · 22/12/2020 11:56

@Gwenhwyfar

"Studies show that (on average) graduates earn more than non-graduates, women especially benefit from holding a degree.

That's all gradates versus all non-graduates though. If you break it down, you get different outcomes. I haven't looked at more recent stats, but it used to be that if you had a degree in an arts subject, you didn't earn more than someone with A levels. That would presumably affect women quite a lot. I'd definitely have a lot more money if I'd started doing my admin jobs at 16 rather than 22 for the same kind of job.

But I don't think it's particularly better to discount people based on their earning power than on their educational level!

Again, it wasn’t a comment about whether graduates or non graduates make better partners, it was about the frothing MN keenness to show that ‘I’m not like the others’.

My point was a general one re the classic MN rush to demonstrate how they or their situation/experience bucks the trend (the trope of the 14yo school leaver turned entrepreneur millionaire vs the stupid PhD holder) rather than a specific point about choosing money over personal attributes. Mine was a generalisation at least based in fact! Of course you can break down the data to show different things across different sectors but again, it was a general point about graduates (as I stated in my original post).

TheDogsMother · 22/12/2020 11:57

Yes I did but then I don't have a degree either. I have studied lots since leaving education and we're both well read, intellectually curious and always learning. Wouldn't your ongoing education become more relevant than a degree years ago anyway ?

JonHammIsMyJamm · 22/12/2020 12:02

FWIW, my DH does have a degree but I didn’t know that when I met him. We were both past university age. He did a job that could’ve been done by FE or in-house training (I think it is all degree now though), so no clues there! I found out by chance about 5 or so years into our relationship. So I did marry /get into a LTR with a graduate but not in purpose!

JonHammIsMyJamm · 22/12/2020 12:05

I have a degree and an MSc both gained as a mature student, post marriage. My family/social set-up meant post 16 education wasn’t an option at the time.

multivac · 22/12/2020 12:15

@JonHammIsMyJamm

FWIW, my DH does have a degree but I didn’t know that when I met him. We were both past university age. He did a job that could’ve been done by FE or in-house training (I think it is all degree now though), so no clues there! I found out by chance about 5 or so years into our relationship. So I did marry /get into a LTR with a graduate but not in purpose!

It's almost as if it wasn't really important, in the context of getting to know another human being, eh?

JonHammIsMyJamm · 22/12/2020 12:20

@multivac, I don’t know if you are reading my posts but I don’t actually think it is that important. People can have all kinds of criteria for potential romantic partners, just because I don’t think it’s important doesn’t mean I’d consider someone who did think it was important, foolish.

JonHammIsMyJamm · 22/12/2020 12:26

@multivac
My first post on this thread was on p9 and agreed with this post (from p1)...

“CabinClose

His level of qualifications wouldn’t bother me, but I think I’d find it hard to be with someone if they weren’t bright and intellectually curious. Lots of people have reasons why post-16 education wasn’t an option for them though.”

We agree