Would you date/marry a man without higher education?

[bunny85]

Just that really. If everything else was great, would it be a deal breaker for you? Let's say a man who only finished high school- no college, no uni. Would you?

[quote littleloopylou]@SendHelp30

Everyone I work with or know socially is university educated. I actually don't interact with anyone who is not highly educated (other than my parents, who are definitely intelligent, but from a generation where formal education was less important)[/quote]

@littleloopylou

I really think that when all the Covid restrictions are over, you need to get out a bit more

Of course, if everything else was great. However, I did once date a guy who didn't have a degree - a few years after I left university - and his most favourite topic of conversation that I can recall was about how he wanted to get a degree! Not sure if it had anything to do with the fact I had one, but I found it a bit irritating that he kept mentioning it. He had a good job that he liked.

Yes of course I would.

Neither of us have a degree. We are doing just as well as friends who have them.

We didn't need them in our chosen careers.

You don't have to have a degree to do well you know.

Of course, I married him today in fact! I have a masters degree but in many ways he is more knowledgeable than me and he earns the same as me.

When I was younger, I wouldn't even consider this. I've always had a thing about intelligent and academic men. I like testing myself against them.

Then I met a friend of mine who left school after O Levels/CSE's. He has fought his way to the top of a challenging career, is scared of nothing, and has one of the sharpest minds I've ever come across. He's not educated, but I find him incredibly attractive.

It's really taught me that you simply cannot judge.

I feel as if I’ve been weighed and measured and found to be lacking.
Not a nice feeling at all.

Yes.

Although DP and I do the same job in the same industry, an industry which I haven't been in as long due to having time out to have kids.

I earn more. He has a degree, I don't.

Nowadays you don't have to be particularly intelligent to get a university degree (even 20 years ago I think that was still the fact, actually). Higher education is not a measure on intelligence, unfortunately.

I'm educated to degree level. My partner left school at 16, worked his way up to management level for a global manufacturing company then started his own business at 30.

Guess who is the higher earner?

He's well read, interesting and intelligent. I'm very glad to have met him, and his education (or lack of further education) didn't factor.

MyPersona, harsh, I’ll get my coat!😘

@CGWGWOO

I feel as if I’ve been weighed and measured and found to be lacking. Not a nice feeling at all.

But the vast majority of people in the world don't find you sexually attractive. Why is it worse to be rejected for your educational level than for your height, dress size or facial symmetry?

For the third time on this very over-qualified thread: it's different from, not different to...

My D.Phil. is in biochemistry not grammar and I'm writing in an informal forum. Cheap shots repeated multiple times prove nothing.

My D.Phil. is in biochemistry not grammar and I'm writing in an informal forum. Cheap shots repeated multiple times prove nothing

What do you think I'm trying to 'prove'?

Why is it worse to be rejected for your educational level than for your height, dress size or facial symmetry?

Attraction is a fact, you either find someone attractive or you don't. With education, some people look down their noses at you because you didn't or couldn't go onto higher education. Big difference.

I have a masters degree. My DH left school when he was 14, studied a trade at college.

My brother in law is an electrician, did not go to uni, but now runs a very successful company. My sisters friends thought she was marrying down. He is well read, clearly intelligent and has an incredible work ethic which has resulted in his flourishing business. It is weird though as he still gets looked down on by snobs who think that their third rate mickey mouse degree from some second rate uni makes them special.

DillonPanthersTexas, strange, isn't it - when we were at school only 8% of our cohort went to university (and this was from a selective grammar school). Many of the boys (not the girls, sadly), went into trades and have done very, very well.

Now, it seems that the boys (and girls!) who would have gone on to learn a trade get directed down the university route - many end up with degrees they don't use and in jobs which are probably not as 'useful' or as well paid as a trade.

I’m 56 and going to university was not as common 40 years ago
None of my partners including ex DH have a degree but are all similar intellect level to me
Professions such as engineering, IT, electronics.
One of my brightest ex’s left school at 15 and is an antiques restorer

In my household, I am the one with a degree whilst my DH doesn’t have one. He is far more intelligent, well read and up to speed with what’s going on in the world than me. I am your switch off type of person when not working and watching crap on tv is fine by me. He is learning all the time watching documentaries, following the news, reading articles about things. I think I disappoint him a bit on that front.

It does not. I say that as a university lecturer.

Oh my quote didn't work. That was in response to the higher education equals intelligence comment.

I worry for Ds who left school with 1 GCSE and then studied a trade for a year but couldn’t complete it because he only had 1 GCSE that he will come up against people who will look down their nose at him.

Yet he is incredibly bright.
So far this year he has taught himself a particular job that he can work part time at home doing. And now he is teaching himself a language.
He is always learning new things.
As long as he doesn’t have to write anything then he is fine. He has dysgraphia and dyslexia

Just because someone hasn’t been to university doesn’t mean they aren’t intelligent.

Dp has a degree and a couple of major qualifications but outside of that he has absolutely no knowledge of anything.

I don’t think he would cope long term in his own..
After having a few issues after giving birth to Ds. Dp had to look after the household finances.
He nearly bankrupted us.

I worry for Ds who left school with 1 GCSE and then studied a trade for a year but couldn’t complete it because he only had 1 GCSE that he will come up against people who will look down their nose at him.

He might do - but from the comments on this thread, they'll be the kind of people he will be much better off without, especially as a romantic partner. Most of us, however, are unlikely even to find out about his lack of qualifications; because unless we are actually looking to employ him... why would any reasonable person ask or care?

Yes, I would.

Not everyone has the opportunity to go into higher education. I think it's awful that someone would be written off for that.

It's much more important to me to be interested and knowledgable about the world, to read, to have a conversation that matters, not pieces of paper

@SitDownLars

Of course, I married him today in fact! I have a masters degree but in many ways he is more knowledgeable than me and he earns the same as me.

Congratulations @SitDownLars

@bunny85

Ok so to those who have called me a snob, shallow, offensive...

I have a post grad degree in a very professional field, loads of qualifications, spent many years studying etc. Read a lot. I've been married for over a decade to a man who left school at 16 and never went to college or uni. He's kind, caring, very hard working, earns very well, generous, has sense of humour, amazing dad, he's just not very academic.

The reason for my question: had a chat with a friend the other day and she said most women wouldn't marry a man who wasn't well educated and her own parents wouldn't even approve it. So I asked here out of curiosity, to understand whether it's just me who's ok with it or she's wrong.

Thanks to those who replied without putting labels.

I wouldn't say it's exactly shallow, more misguided in sometimes. Some people are conventional high achievers - 'conventional' meaning that they like to climb a ladder within an existing system that has rules, awards and approvals. Part of the reason they go about it is because it's often essential for the career they want to enter, and partly because it gives them status in the socio-economic circles withey wish to inhabit. These are the kind of circles where people think it's important to find out where exactly where someone went to school or university as that it a stick they sometimes judge people by. They enjoy that stamp of approval they get from official bodies for completing their studies, and rely on it to bolster their confidence and boost their authority amongst their peers, but sometimes over other people too (this is where I think they're mistaken when it comes to the dating field in particular).

However, just because someone didn't go through the conventional academic system (passed exams, wrote dissertations, succeeded in their degree & beyond ), doesn't mean they're not intelligent. Creative types and entrepreneurs often rely on their intelligence to carry them through uncharted territory when starting a business - fields which would confuse, stress, and confound someone who enjoys working within boxes, not outside of them. Just because someone chooses not to spend 3 + years in formal education, doesn't mean they are less classically intelligent than their peers. It just means they chose not to spend their time that way or their life at the time meant that they couldn't.