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Would you date/marry a man without higher education?

412 replies

bunny85 · 17/12/2020 22:42

Just that really. If everything else was great, would it be a deal breaker for you? Let's say a man who only finished high school- no college, no uni. Would you?

OP posts:
GreenlandTheMovie · 19/12/2020 11:56

EarthSight However, just because someone didn't go through the conventional academic system (passed exams, wrote dissertations, succeeded in their degree & beyond ), doesn't mean they're not intelligent. Creative types and entrepreneurs often rely on their intelligence to carry them through uncharted territory when starting a business - fields which would confuse, stress, and confound someone who enjoys working within boxes, not outside of them. Just because someone chooses not to spend 3 + years in formal education, doesn't mean they are less classically intelligent than their peers.

I don't think anyone is disputing that. Its not an issue of lack of intelligence or success. In fact, I would define intelligence as an ability to thrive in your own environment. Posters have repeatedly commented on this thread how extremely rich and successful their male DPs/DHs are despite no university education, and how stupid, incapable and impractical us graduates are, despite most of us leaving home at 18 to live away from home.

Its just the usual story of some people simply preferring partners who have had similar experiences or motivations in life. I prefer university-educated, sporty, slim, attractive men. Other people might be more concerned about a good sense of humour and an ability to cook. I am not.

I honestly have difficulty with dating men who aren't even part of my usual extended friendship group or who share my interest in sport. I find they set my teeth on edge because they want to spend time doing different things to me, and upset my usual regime and don't get my "in jokes".

I prefer men who have the ability to follow formal requirements. I'm not keen on "creative types" at all and I have a particular hatred of men who boast about how rich and successful they are. Many graduates meet lifelong friends at university and many dentists/doctors/lawyers etc marry each other. Those professions require you to behave in a certain way, because you can be struck off for bad behaviour and have to appear in front of a professional practice committee if you so much as get a speeding fine. It therefore in most cases ensures that those men mostly conduct themselves well (I know there are exceptions). I simply cannot cope with men who cannot spell, who swear a lot, who make crude comments, etc - professional graduates nearly always do not.

Even after university, many of us make friends who are also graduates through similar interests. There are a lot of possibilities out there.

I'd also like to point out that for many women, a university education in a professional subject is a much better route into well paid employment than through what many of the men mentioned in this thread do, which is to work their way up through a company.

And graduates are also entrepreneurial. It is not something that is reserved to non-graduates. In my profession, its quite common to practice for a number of years and then to branch out and start a business in a related area which doesn't involve professional practice. And you are not seriously trying to tell me that dentists don't know how to run a business, how to borrow money and rent or purchase commercial properties, grant floating charges to raise money for expansion, etc? That graduates are somehow this conservative, timid breed who never start businesses? What nonsense!

multivac · 19/12/2020 12:05

I simply cannot cope with men who cannot spell, who swear a lot, who make crude comments, etc - professional graduates nearly always do not.

This is genuinely one of the funniest things I've read today - thanks!

reprehensibleme · 19/12/2020 12:10

Gteenlandthemovie - I'd be a bit concerned about that limited gene pool.......

DillonPanthersTexas · 19/12/2020 12:15

Many graduates meet lifelong friends at university and many dentists/doctors/lawyers etc marry each other.

Those professions require you to typically attend a red brick university which require in turn decent grades at school. These days you can get into uni with a couple of Es and study some bullshit non vocational degree that offers little in the way of a defined career path and a load of debt. Graduates are ten a penny these days so hardly something to brag about unless you went somewhere genuinely difficult to get into.

GreenlandTheMovie · 19/12/2020 12:15

reprehensible Gteenlandthemovie - I'd be a bit concerned about that limited gene pool.......

Erm, universities are full of people from all over the world. I shared a flat with a group of six one year who were English, Indian, Syrian, Chinese and British living in Paris aside from me.

I did Erasmus for a year abroad and still have friends from the experience in that country whom I visit in normal years.

My last proper dating experience was with a German lawyer who I met on an international summer school in the country in which I did my Erasmus study.

Which is the limited gene pool you are referring to? Do you expect me to mate with a variety of men who are not graduates or something? Grin

BlueJag · 19/12/2020 12:26

If a man was writing this everyone will be up in arms.

Quads4x4 · 19/12/2020 13:49

@BlueJag

If a man was writing this everyone will be up in arms.
Not at all. It would be a refreshing change from petite with nice arse and tits. Men dont usually care what she studied or what job she has as long as she is pretty, fit, puts out and isnt 'a gold digger'.
multivac · 19/12/2020 14:14

Men dont usually care what she studied or what job she has as long as she is pretty, fit, puts out and isnt 'a gold digger'.

I'm sorry you know such shit men. That must be very tedious for you.

HeyDW96 · 19/12/2020 23:32

Yes, my partner didn't go to uni, I did. Infact, one of my colleagues (who also has a degree - of a higher level than I) put foil in the microwave the other day. University doesn't make you intelligenf.

HeyDW96 · 19/12/2020 23:33

It also doesn't mean that you are able to spell - oops!

june2007 · 20/12/2020 00:01

By the way I don,t need my degree for my job does that make a difference? Would one judge that too? (must be nice for some in their ivory towers.)

EarthSight · 20/12/2020 00:58

and how stupid, incapable and impractical us graduates are, despite most of us leaving home at 18 to live away from home

Well I don't think that. I have a degree and I'm also creative.

I simply cannot cope with men who cannot spell, who swear a lot, who make crude comments, etc - professional graduates nearly always do not

You cannot cope? Where are the smelling salts! Seriously, that sounds a little over dramatic. Of course you can cope, but you don't want to and that's fine too.

Of course graduates can be entrepreneurial, definitely, but opening another dental practice (where there is some kind of blueprint for success) is not the same as inventing an entirely new product or service, thinking about new concepts and thinking outside of the box. Creativity is certainly required in successful marketing of a business, but usually people who start a business (if they have the capital) will outsource this type of thinking to someone else - someone creative. Having money in the bank to spend on starting a business on new premises, doesn't make you particulary innovative. Often brave, yes, but it's really not the same psychological landscape as theoretical or abstract thinking.

Would you say that this describes you - you value hard work, achievements, people who work towards goals, diligence, attention to detail, being very organised & tidy, being sensible, logic, financial stability, tried & tested systems? Do you expect a lot from yourself? Maybe you're even too hard on yourself at times? I'm wondering if you are high in consciencouness (psychology term). Look it up as it might interest you. Lawyers, dentists and doctors tend to be this type of person as it's pretty important, especially in those kinds of fields.

BaskingMad · 20/12/2020 01:01

Depends what he does withhis life- some ppl can be very savvy without any great education.
But if he’s only good in a sack and otherwise has no direction in life- no, i wouldn’t marry him.

EarthSight · 20/12/2020 01:22

And you are not seriously trying to tell me that dentists don't know how to run a business, how to borrow money and rent or purchase commercial properties, grant floating charges to raise money for expansion, etc

I actually didn't say, nor do I think any of the above. That was a knee jerk, defensive reaction on your part, probably.

I didn't say these people aren't capable of these things, but I'm saying it's not a given that non-degree holders don't have the qualities you value, that's all. Also, the degree holders you mention, who work in medicine, law and probably finance or property, are not just degree holders - they're actually quite a specific group of people. You might find they're a bit different to those who work in tech or certain branches of science. I think you might find learning about OCEAN psychology theory of personality traits quite useful on day.

Wantsadvice1978909 · 20/12/2020 02:41

Only because someone has went to university doesn’t mean they aren’t intelligent. In fact some would suggest it’s more intelligent to skip uni and go to a trade school/start your own business. If they work hard, have a good personality etc then it really doesn’t matter.

Wantsadvice1978909 · 20/12/2020 02:42

Hasn’t*

londonscalling · 20/12/2020 02:48

I recall a colleague saying that they felt people who'd left school to start work rather than go on to uni etc, always appeared to have much more common sense??

londonscalling · 20/12/2020 02:51

... following on from my previous post.

Obviously they were generalising, which seems unfair!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 20/12/2020 02:57

Yes Confused

Basically anyone can get into uni and do a degree now. Doesnt mean people that don't, and think its a waste of time are thick.

My dp has a masters. Doesnt work in the field he studied though. Infact he works 2 manual labour jobs that he could have went on to do straight out of school. Wasted 6 years of his life.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 20/12/2020 02:58

@londonscalling

I recall a colleague saying that they felt people who'd left school to start work rather than go on to uni etc, always appeared to have much more common sense??
I generally find the opposite.
Oliversmumsarmy · 20/12/2020 10:18

Iminaglasscaseofemotion

So you think those that plumbers or electricians or plasterers etc lack common sense.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 20/12/2020 10:28

Oliversmumsarmy

Oops, I read that the wrong way round 😂, no the complete opposite.

GreenlandTheMovie · 20/12/2020 15:31

@EarthSight

And you are not seriously trying to tell me that dentists don't know how to run a business, how to borrow money and rent or purchase commercial properties, grant floating charges to raise money for expansion, etc

I actually didn't say, nor do I think any of the above. That was a knee jerk, defensive reaction on your part, probably.

I didn't say these people aren't capable of these things, but I'm saying it's not a given that non-degree holders don't have the qualities you value, that's all. Also, the degree holders you mention, who work in medicine, law and probably finance or property, are not just degree holders - they're actually quite a specific group of people. You might find they're a bit different to those who work in tech or certain branches of science. I think you might find learning about OCEAN psychology theory of personality traits quite useful on day.

Really interesting and I did look it up. Strangely, I was aware of Hippocrates' 4 personality types but not the OCEAN types. So I would tend to find someone who had not been to university lacking in openness usually. Thats not to say of course that someone who has been to university scores higher in all those traits than someone who has not. But what tends to stick out for me is that the "self-educated" choose their own reading materials and those tend to be the sources that they prefer, that mirror their own ideas and not those which challenge or disagree with them.

Would you say that this describes you - you value hard work, achievements, people who work towards goals, diligence, attention to detail, being very organised & tidy, being sensible, logic, financial stability, tried & tested systems? Do you expect a lot from yourself? Maybe you're even too hard on yourself at times? I'm wondering if you are high in consciencouness (psychology term). Look it up as it might interest you. Lawyers, dentists and doctors tend to be this type of person as it's pretty important, especially in those kinds of fields.

I'm a lawyer, and I tend to be happier with other professionals. I might struggle with an arts graduate. I certainly struggled with an engineering graduate.

Of course, this is all about personality and different things are important to different people - appearance and attractiveness are important to me. Theres quite a lot of personality flaws I can put up with in a beautiful man.

NameChangeUnwiseAdvice · 20/12/2020 15:39

Yes I married someone like this. I'm pretty sure he has undiagnosed dyslexia and dyscalculia so school was horrendous for him. He is so hardworking he makes my heart burst with pride. He has allowed me to focus on my education and I'm just starting a PhD which he couldn't be more supportive of.

ArrowsOfMistletoe · 20/12/2020 16:17

I did and would again. It didn't work out, but that had nothing to do with him not having a degree. Before things went bad, he was intelligent, funny, had an inquiring mind and was my equal in every way. The shitshow happened for other reasons.

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