Hi Op
I am not surprised you feel so confused hurt,etc.
You need to set up strong, definate personal boundaries to protect yourself from this emotion upheaval.
Also please stop preparing, making tea food for him from now on, just give him cup of tea/coffee an biscuits,as just civil for children's sake, not even bother to get in his fav biscuits.
(no extra hospality for you re gain your self respect after shit ,your ex husband,put you through.
Also tell him straight that you no longer want him to tel you everyday..
And tell him or discourage him from hugging you when he visits your children,
Tell him you only want him to show affection,to his children.
The reasons being you don't want him to show affection towards you in that way or ring you up constantly everyday simply causes it screws up your head far too much.
Its not fair on you and it unacceptable,
After the way your ex husband treating you.
He can not have all things his own way, having his cake and eating like what's happening right now.
(You also need to some space to think, about your feelings and how to move forward in your life.
Plus does it have to be 3 or 4 times per week then?(is this informal arrangement with parental visits?
Op you seem far accommodating to your ex husbands needs/wishes why is this?
I think once or twice is good adequate for your ex husband to visit his children.
If your husband does not like new arrangements of once or twice a week seeing his children tough shit,if he does not like it.
Op Also whenever you feel like a break from your children such as like you want a mini break for yourself on your own/friends or visit a healthspa ,don't be shy to let your ex husband know in advance that you need a break or night out with friends and him to babysit for you,make this arrangement work for,and your children in your own way..
Not the other way around..
Basically the issue is you need a Clear definate boundary btwn yourself and your ex husband,in regard of family life in relation to him.
so you can move on.
Look after yourself
Eat healthy
Listen to good music
Watch your favorite funny TV shows/stand up comedians.
Do star gazing
Be connect with good,supportive friends/family members
Walk in nature.
Try holistic therapy for e.g hot stone massage etc
Try a healthspa session or adapt spa session at home.
Try mediation its free beneficial 10-15mins good for relaxation stress relief,also well known to help with thinking with Clarity.
Also learn to appreciate small things in life people often take for granted.
Take care Op
You are worth it
Also see this as tranisational phrase in your life to discover your yourself again,having got losed your identity being a wife and mother,
This is a new adventure which feels like the unknown a bit scarey, but also exciting too.
Also look at any new interests or courses/workshops you are curious interested about?
Also look into why you are being so accomadating to your ex husband ?is this cause you are just confused cause of the emotional upheaval or is there more to it?are you far too much of a people pleaser who certain people have taken advantage of your good nature etc.
If it is reason too
Explore,find out about different kinds of therapies and their theories to help you find out why you are like this/allow it?,and how to change this kind of mindset?such as it cause of shit childhood experiences or etc or combo of both?.
Counselling can be free too