‘Snake’ eyes

[Berr]

My SIL seems like a lovely person and we always get on, but I am becoming increasingly freaked out by her ‘unguarded’ moments. One day, when I’d known her for a while, I was chatting with my brother and happened to glance at her and her expression really unnerved me. She was quite coldly and unguardedly checking me out. She saw me looking and looked normal and smily again, but it really changed how I felt about her. Since then I’ve caught her doing it again, with me or the kids. E.G my four year old was wanting my husbands attention and she looked at her so coldly, almost like she was assessing her. Has by one else met anyone who seems to briefly wear their feelings on their face like this?
We saw them after the last lockdown and there were two occasions where the mask slipped and you could see microexpressions of disdain. Feel like I’ve got a bit of cognitive dissonance, because my head’s telling me she’s lovely, but my instinct’s saying she doesn’t wish us well.

Yes both my parents and sister. Also several people lve worked with all of them are truly nasty manipulative back stabbers.
They come across as all nicey nicey but really underneath they are anything but

Micro expressions are fascinating and not something everyone picks up on which is why it's so annoying when you say something like this and other people say you're imagining it! You're not I wasnt!

she might just have resting bitch face. Not everyone's unguarded expression is an indicator of how they really feel. I've been told I look hostile if I'm not concentrating on looking happy. I'm very much not ever thinking hostile things.

I have resting bitch face, several times people have accused me of critically looking them up and down. And I'm really not.

I do find myself looking at people, mainly out of curiosity/interest.

I'm not saying you're not right, she could easily be thinking dark thoughts and this could be your intuition calling out. But equally she might just have a bad case of accidental snidey side eye, which doesn't mean anything at all.

That's eerie, OP. Don't blame you for being unnerved.

Be on your guard I would say. There's a guy at work who totally hates me, another colleague witnessed him looking at me daggers when I wasn't looking at him. He is nicey nicey and fake to my face. I think these expressions give a lot away about people and I don't think it's to do with resting bitch face, when you know.. you know

I don’t think it was resting bitch face, because kids and workplace stress have left me with a bit of a frowny unhappy expression when caught off guard so I know the look
It was just so calculating and unpleasant. Totally out of place on someone so seemingly ‘nice’.

I'd say you are imagining the thought behind a look. She has done nothing to you.

I've also been accused of staring at someone "badly" when I've just been day dreaming, perhaps without my glasses on. I try not too, but it's exhausting as my resting bitch face is my natural comfortable expression!

I've noticed I get it more when I'm tired, or overworked etc. Like another pp I'm genuinely interested in people and I love looking at faces.

Please don't jump to conclusions, I sometimes see myself coming to similar conclusions but I will snap out of it and have been proven presently wrong. I think sometimes it can be a self fiddling prophecy, if she starts to feel you don't like her she might avoid you more, etc

I get told I do this 🙈. I'm never thinking what you are assuming, I'm staring right through the person thinking something totally unrelated.

Some people naturally have a resting face that makes them look grumpy or angry. Assuming you can't actually read other people's thoughts, she has given you no reason to think she has any ill-will towards you or your children.

@Berr

My SIL seems like a lovely person and we always get on, but I am becoming increasingly freaked out by her ‘unguarded’ moments. One day, when I’d known her for a while, I was chatting with my brother and happened to glance at her and her expression really unnerved me. She was quite coldly and unguardedly checking me out. She saw me looking and looked normal and smily again, but it really changed how I felt about her. Since then I’ve caught her doing it again, with me or the kids. E.G my four year old was wanting my husbands attention and she looked at her so coldly, almost like she was assessing her. Has by one else met anyone who seems to briefly wear their feelings on their face like this? We saw them after the last lockdown and there were two occasions where the mask slipped and you could see microexpressions of disdain. Feel like I’ve got a bit of cognitive dissonance, because my head’s telling me she’s lovely, but my instinct’s saying she doesn’t wish us well.

People sometimes have features that look quite different when the facial expression is at rest (thinking 'resting bitch face' where women have downturned corners to the mouth). Could this be what's really going on, OP? Doe she have quite large eyes? Or does she wear lots of eyeliner, which can make the eyes appear 'snakey' at times? If your head is telling you she's lovely, I'm sure there is no secret motive to her stares?

I've been accused of being "scary" and "intimidating" because I apparently do this. I wouldn't read too much into it if you otherwise get on well with her.

Once you've labeled this particular look, you'll be noticing it more to validate your impression.

It's a cognitive bias called Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, frequency illusion, or recency illusion.

Here's the thing, you don't actually know what she's thinking, but you are definitely thinking bad thoughts about her. I wonder if she has seen it in your facial expressions

I remember correcting a woman at work once about the pronunciation of my name. She said I'd misheard her but I hadn't ,she had been saying it wrong a long while. She is the sort that is usually not corrected for an easy life. Well, her eyes narrowed and I could tell she was thinking 'how fkn dare you'. It was the strangest thing. So much was given away in the narrowing of her eyes that I had to look away.

I think this is crazy.

I have a horrible face when I'm not thinking about it or zoned out. Resting bitch face and some. It's almost got me in a few fights.

I'm not being horrible, it's literally my face.

So you don't like your SIL.

it's ok, we get it. You don't have to make up some spurious snake eyes bullshit to justify it.

I'm not being horrible, it's literally my face.

You could get that printed on a tshirt

I think I do this accidentally sometimes 😬 You sound like you’ve made the decision after first seeing this face, and now are on the lookout for micro expressions you seem to be dodgy.

If you’re (even unconsciously) now scanning for her inner snake, she might well be picking this up and thinking that you’re the one who is giving HER the hairy eyeball (& she’d be correct)

@Unicant
she might just have resting bitch face. Not everyone's unguarded expression is an indicator of how they really feel. I've been told I look hostile if I'm not concentrating on looking happy. I'm very much not ever thinking hostile things.

Totally this.
One of my friends mates has this kind of face, alot of ppl think she pissed of with them, but she is quite a lovely girl.

I think it's a weird thing to imagine of somebody, as if a look could convey that much? You are reading too much into it, treat her based on what she does, rather than some perception of what she's thinking. Until you develop mind-reading capabilities, best to ignore your inner thoughts on this.

I had a lovely friend at uni who was the most kind and friendly girl. When we first met I instantly thought she looked like a bully and I still have no idea why I jumped to that conslusion :/ I generally never make these kinds of jump conclusions.

@Windmillwhirl

I'm not being horrible, it's literally my face.

You could get that printed on a tshirt

Haha! I should!