Lazy partner

[Snowie44]

Hi everybody. Wanted a rant because i feel im hanging on by a thread. Users seem to give good opinions and advice from what i can see on other posts. But here goes explaining my rant.
My partner seems lazy and miserable. We have 2 children together. I work 5 days a week he doesnt work to be honest he never has. He doesnt help around the house, no cleaning not even emptying bin he will get a carrier bag and use that as a bin doesnt get removed when filled just onto the next bag, no helping getting the kids ready before i leave for work if i do ask he will faf all morning on the tablet or spends 40 mins in bathroom so i just get on with it, i take the oldest to school and pick him up, he doesnt go shopping. He will go to the small shop around the corner but even that takes him half hr to finally go. I clean and do all i can on days off and bits when i get home fron work and spend time with kids. He looks after youngest while i go to work even that he refers to as 'babysitting' but i only work 5 hours a day surely he can help out a bit or am i being narrow minded. He will sit a play console all day and night we never watch actual tv so mojority if my evenings are upstairs with the kids. Now im at the point where i just cant be bothered anymore he still wont take initative to help around the house. So everyday i come back from work its a disgusting mess but i still clean the whole house on my days off. My hours are limited at work due to covid so we are struggling for money atm but still no motivation to get a job. Company has made redundancies so there is more pressure on me and i stress about it without coming home to a tip. What tops it off is how miserable and opinionated he can be over every little thing cant have an opinion without his imput why im wrong or 'laughable'. Or making the conversations about himself. I ask him if hes ok, he says hes fine. I dont know whether hes depressed, having a midlife crisis or just downright lazy and selfish. All i know is that im struggling too, being the one everyone seems to rely on, im going into a downward spiral because it really does seem like i do everything feeling so lost.
Thanks for taking the time to read

If you leave him it will actually be easier. You’ll have one less person to clean up after and won’t have to deal with the growing resentment.

So sorry OP but he sounds dreadful. Surely you’d be happier without this sullen cocklodger?

Sounds like he adds no positives to your life.

Whose name is your house in? I would’ve making arrangements to live in a house without him ASAP.

It can’t be a midlife crisis as you say he has never worked so he’s always been lazy.

I feel like the resentment is kicking in for sure. When ive asked he will keep it up a day or 2 then its back to the same crap. Or excuses of that hes looking for jobs but i dont know if he is or not. Im all tired out by 10 and ready for bed so sex life is a bit in tatters too but i struggle to stay awake for him to turn of the game for us time then blames me for going to sleep early im asleep by 12 how is that early? Or says i dont spend time with him ive told him i dont want to sit there and watch games all evening and night. He says i should tell him when i want it turned off or when i want help... really? Its like i have to think for him to as well as everything else

I think, do yourself and your kids a favour, and lose however many kilos he is, of utter deadweight. At least that's one less person making the place a tip, eating you out of house and home, literally bringing nothing to the table.

Get rid of him he's a weight round your neck.

What are you gaining from this relationship?

What are the actual positives?

Ugh. OP, this is no way to live. Whatever his excuses, it really is time to stop analysing why he's so lazy and disrespectful. Life could and should be SO much better for you and your kids. You could have years more of this ahead, by which point you'll be too exhausted and disillusioned to do anything about it. X

(LTB)

I struggle to find positives if im truthful. Its all clouded by the dissapointment. Maybe im sticking it out from that peng of guilt when i realise he has nothing but us without me hes homeless, no money, no entertainment, no real friends. But this also feels like a burden. Its a hard pill to swallow to say my partner is a burden and telling him that will crush him so im holding in emotion i feel like i could cry everyday

Its not like i havent spoke to him about this because i have. I even said i would leave he can have the house but he has a way with words that convinced me to stay that we can work things out but didly squat since that convo other than hes looking and trying and improving on himself... but i see no difference

Do you think he feels guilty when he's treating you like a skivvy? He's a parasite. He will never change, you've only got one life, get rid of him.

@Snowie44

I struggle to find positives if im truthful. Its all clouded by the dissapointment. Maybe im sticking it out from that peng of guilt when i realise he has nothing but us without me hes homeless, no money, no entertainment, no real friends. But this also feels like a burden. Its a hard pill to swallow to say my partner is a burden and telling him that will crush him so im holding in emotion i feel like i could cry everyday

Sounds to me like that's a him problem. That he's manipulating into you accepting the burden of making it a you problem.

He's a grown adult. Maybe if he's given the boot, he'll find a way to make himself something more than a waste of space and oxygen.

He sounds utterly dreadful!

Can you name 3 positives he brings to your life?

Omg what is the point in him. His disgusting. How could he just sit there and watch you struggling with everything that’s not love ! You need to kick him out and stop letting him get away with this. You can do so much better than him.

In other words, he is completely and utterly useless. Actually, him being useless would be an improvement. He's a detriment to your life.

Haven't you wasted enough precious time on him? What is it going to take before you finally get rid of him?

He tells me how bad he feels regarding money. He cant buy me or kids anything for xmas/birthdays. Seeing me upset sometimes bacause of debt. I know in there somewhere i am a mug, if he felt that bad he would do something to help elsewhere ie house or kids or letting me have me time without making it about him

Life's too short OP. What's his plan for when you retire? Does he have a pension?

You know, so often I read these dreadful home lives and feel so sorry for women who are trapped by marriage and finances.

You’re not married. “Partner” is a pisstake of a word, isn’t it? 😕 and he’s not contributing anything financially. I daresay you’d get more benefits as a single parent.

Get him gone. You poor love 😕

Tell him the debt and money will not seem as bad if he gets his act together in other wsys like taking charge of kids and house.

Words are cheap.

He's never going to change OP. Not while you are funding everything and doing all the housework.

Just tell him he needs to leave. He is next to useless. Why on earth did you get involved with the lazy fucker if he never worked?

Is house rented or owned? In whose name? Has he ever contributed?

I'd leave him personally but you sound in two minds so give him an ultimatum.

Tell him you are separating as of now and by Feb he needs to have a job or seriously shape up or the conversation you have two weeks into January will be about him leaving.

You need to be that blunt.

He sounds like a complete parasite and he's making your life a misery OP! tell him to step up or step out. He sounds like a complete lazy waste of space

Did you have any confidence that he might change his behaviour and make an adult contribution to your family life?

Is this the family life that you want your children to repeat when they are adults?

Can you see a better family life for you and the children by yourselves? Would you be worse without him? Happier?