Could you ever love a man who..

[complimint]

Walked out on his wife and six months old baby , even if you knew for facts that he was being emotionally and financially abused ?
I know the truth through reliable
Channels and despite these abuses , am still struggle with a man who walks away from his wife and child.
He acknowledges completely how despicable it was and is to do that while also adding that his situation was either going to result in him leaving the marriage or taking his own life..?

I am his new girlfriend and I have seen the paperwork

Thought so. OP, this could be legit, or it could be manufactured and a common abuser tactic - I would do a Claire's Law request if I were you and keep your eyes and ears open for any further red flags 🚩🚩🚩

I personally would just walk away from the red flags now, but I sense you'll need more evidence to do so.

@PicsInRed what red flags am I missing ?

Why did he show you the paperwork from 10 years ago?

You’re a new girlfriend snd he showed you police reports from ten years ago! Wtaf!

[quote complimint]@PicsInRed what red flags am I missing ? [/quote]
Showing you "police paperwork". Bizarre behaviour in a new boyfriend unless he expects people to start shoulder tapping you with warnings and/or any Clare's Law you request to show something (e.g perhaps a previous gf ran one and dumped him).

Police disclosures look a mess - just summaries of conversations in police comms format. What does the document he showed you look like? Is it well written, on letterhead?

I'm struggling to see what is despicable? He was being financially and emotionally abused so he left. He made the right decision for him, got himself away from harm. It must have been a terrible relationship and therefore it was the right thing for the baby too. He still sees his child every other week and pays child maintenance.

He left his wife, not the child. He couldn't stay in the relationship because it was harmful.

I could love him an support him.
No one should stay in an abusive marriage.

*Showing you "police paperwork". Bizarre behaviour in a new boyfriend unless he expects people to start shoulder tapping you with warnings and/or any Clare's Law you request to show something (e.g perhaps a previous gf ran one and dumped him).

Police disclosures look a mess - just summaries of conversations in police comms format. What does the document he showed you look like? Is it well written, on letterhead?*

It could be a bit off I suppose, but men are generally discounted, and flat out not believed when they are the victim in an abusive relationship, at best. It is not uncommon for the entire script to be flipped back onto the man to reframe him as the abuser.

My lived experience with this comes from spending 17 years married to a woman with diagnosed NPD, and the aftermath of me leaving the marriage.

Showing you "police paperwork

Bells ringing so loudly I'm deafened.

OP. C'mon

Tbh I knew the police had been called
And a report was filed a few
Months ago but I am
In the process of beginning divorce proceedings and I don't know anything about it so he explained the process and had his file to give an idea of proceedings. His report was in the file . That's how I can to see it . I don't doubt the police involvement . I find it hard to
Understand how
Anyone can leave their new born baby. That's my issue . However I am not experienced in matters of emotional or
Financial abuse . I only
Know that he felt suicidal towards the end of the marriage and sought counselling. Which lasted for most of a year.

There's nothing inherently wrong with breaking up with someone when you have a young baby. Even without taking abuse into account.

This.

What I
Mean is that a few months ago, He had told me About the abuse and the police report .

If a man came onto this forum and asked "I'm dating a women who left an abusive marriage - can I ever fall in love with her?" Everyone would be up in arms saying she deserved the best in a relationship and the new man should step up an look after her. I don't see why several posters on here have jumped on this guy with suspicion just because he's shown his new girlfriend some paperwork. Surely anyone - male or female who has escaped an abusive relationship deserves some trust? I wouldn't treat this guy too suspiciously - he's paying maintenance and seeing his child regularly - after something that happened a decade ago.
Providing there is no other reason for doubt @complimint why don't you just go ahead an enjoy your new relationship?

But he didn’t leave his new born op? Sorry this is hard to understand. You say he has split custody and pays maintenance?

He told you he left his newborn because he was being abused, op. Why should he stay and put up with that? Why should anyone?

Now I'm confused. The child is now 10.... but your BF left when the child was a baby - but only recently is he filing a police report and starting Divorce proceedings???
OP - Is your problem that your BF got out of an abusive situation? Or do you think he should of taken the child with him? If it was a new born baby it's highly unusual for the father to be granted full custody so if he was in an abusive situation I can't imagine he had much choice but to leave his child??

Of course I could. Why on earth should he stay to be abused?

Man escapes abusive relationship, maintains his commitment to his child.

Some poster still decide he must be lying, wtf

Maybe he kept the proof as he knew some people would never believe he’d been abused.

Yes it's fine to leave a relationship for any reason.

And “walked out on his child” is commonly said to any man who leaves their partner for any reason. I had it when I “left” my wife (after her 3 affairs)

It’s shitty

So what you mean is "Could you love a man who was abused by his wife and left her, maintaining a relationship with his child and providing for them".

How is that a question?

@complimint

Tbh I knew the police had been called And a report was filed a few Months ago but I am In the process of beginning divorce proceedings and I don't know anything about it so he explained the process and had his file to give an idea of proceedings. His report was in the file . That's how I can to see it . I don't doubt the police involvement . I find it hard to Understand how Anyone can leave their new born baby. That's my issue . However I am not experienced in matters of emotional or Financial abuse . I only Know that he felt suicidal towards the end of the marriage and sought counselling. Which lasted for most of a year.

So it's a folder he keeps in his house, with words he has written in it. Your new boyfriend is already involving you in his battles against an extremely ancient ex and is still making police complaints against her. Whether she's a true life monster or not, why would he involve you in this so soon? That's a giant red flag already.

But - I repeat - he has merely shown you his own folder, which he keeps in his house, with words he has written in it. He could write anything, couldn't he? Put it in the file. Show you. Does that make it true?

OP, you need to be a lot more sceptical here.

To be honest this is hard to understand.

He left his wife because he was abused, in your op you don’t say could you love a man who left his new born, you say could you love a man who has left his wife and child despite these abuses and then go on to say it was despicable of him and he agrees.

Then you tell us he didn’t leave the child, he has regular visits and pays maintenance.

So are you actually thinking despite the abuse he should have stayed with her?

You are obviously having doubts OP so it's probably best for both of you to end this now.

It appears he has been a good enough dad to his child since then, so I wouldn't have a problem with it. But you're the one dating him, not us.

There are other men OP, I think I’d move on. And if you’re still getting divorced, I’d really recommend letting the dust settle first. You might think you’re totally emotionally resolved with your marriage but I was shocked how painful the divorce was, I was right back to square one. Give it a bit of time in between I say. Xh didn’t and his new relationship was a disaster, has now ended leaving the dc with a ‘stepmum’ thrill probably never see again.