Ignoring me after an argument

[bluesky888]

I've been with my boyfriend for just over two years. We don't argue very often but when we do he will not talk to me after. Sometimes it can be a few days or it can be a couple of weeks. I know that it is his way of dealing with things but I'm finding it harder to cope with as I never know how long it is going to be. It is like he can completely switch off from the relationship and then switch back on as if nothing has ever happened. We don't live together. I've tried talking to him about it when things are normal but he has basically said that it is his coping method. I love him but it is getting so difficult with him doing this. It doesn't even have to be a big argument.

You do not this man in your life.

Block him on all media including your daughter's.

Take back control so you make the decisions in your life not stay at the whim of a sulking abuser.

@Charley50 Yes that is exactly what it feels like when he starts talking to me again... relief.

Yes but relief isn't love. It feels like strong feelings for him, but it's just relief that's all.
Have we convinced you to end it with him? He can't make you or your DC happy.

OP, you're going round in circles but fundamentally your priority should be your daughter.

So - do you think this man is a positive influence in your daughters life long term?

He is selfish, childish, doesn't put your needs above his even when your family is ill, uses your child as a pawn, a way to get at you when punishing you, makes you grateful for crumbs of affection after he's punished you, pushes you to apologise when you don't even know what for...

Why don't you want more for your daughter than allowing this man to be in her life?

Why are you putting up with this? You're showing your daughter how she should be treated by men.

Are you sure he is always ok with your daughter. My mum was married to someone like this....he turned on me as i became older a d more aboe to assert myself...ie no longer under his control. Its taken me years of therapy to try to get over the damage he caused...I'm not sure I ever will. Im still attracted to men like this even though I know how fecked up that is...because patterns laid down in childhood are SO hard to change in adulthood. Please give your daughter a chance of decent future relationships by showing her now that its not ok.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Good post.
Nailed it

Toechi what others have said. A couple of hours or wanting to sleep on something is fine, some people need time to process things. But this goes way beyond that. 3 weeks! It doesnt take anyone 3 weeks to 'cope' with a small argument. It has a huge impact on you. It's a form of punishment. Its disproportionate. He never says sorry and you will never get to the root of any issues. If he doesnt see anything wrong and try to change and discuss issues calmly like an adult until they are resolved then there is no future for you as a couple. And no matter how mad I was at anyone I supposedly loved, i wouldn't abandon them when relatives were ill etc