MIL/SIL are taking DD1 to Disneyland Paris but not taking DD2

[Rorytigger]

I know, I know, I should be grateful that they are taking DD1(4) (she's beyond excited), but can't help feeling sorry for DD2 (2) . SIL is taking her DD(22mths) and MIL says she couldn't cope with both DD's. My problem with it is that DD2 always gets side-lined as my MIL seems to have a grandchild pecking order. DD1 has never stayed overnight before let alone go away for three days and (I admit) I'm going to miss her dreadfully. Her sister will too as they are joined at the hip . Both DH and I will be at work for most of the time so it's not like I'm going to have some real quality time with her to make her feel special too.

omg

i wouldnt do that to my dd2.

my dds are the same age btw

That's really hard for you, and I'm expecting to face problems like this, but I think you need to lay the law down. If they can;t take both, then they can;t take either! That's what I'm going to do.

Yeah, I agree nailpolish. I wouldn't let DD1 go if DD2 couldn't go either. That's not fair. You're allowing MIL to get away with this pecking order nonsense.

DD2 is going to grow up with a total inferiority complex. I'd save up and take them both myself.

In fact, I'd be furious at MIL for deliberately excluding one child.

Unless they have very firm plabnns to take DD2 very soon, then I am afraid I'd say no. It isn't fair.

it's not fair, especially if her cousin is a similar age and is going. i would say no to the oldest going if the youngest isn't going too.

I think you should relax. It's perfectly acceptable for siblings to do different things at different times to one another. It will be very good for your DD1 to go away with her grandmother as main carer for a few days - a wonderful opportunity.

Go for it.

I would not allow one without the other. we have just returned with our two (2.6 and 15 months) and they had a great time. So did we watching nad enjoying it with them.

I would not let them go away without me for 3 nights anyway, so this would not even happen

thanks everyone. My first response when DH told me was 'what about xxx?. Sadly I don't have enough to money or holiday left to even consider going and taking DD2 as we've just got back from holiday. I wasn't even asked which sums up my relationship with my MIL And I know that DD2 is probably too young to really go on alot of the rides etc but she'd love all the spectacle and wonder of it all never the less. It would break DD1's heart if we said no now as she's been told she's going. Hulababy - I will insist that they take DD2 somewhere special to make up for her missing out on this - it's the least they can do...

That's really bad that someone told DD1.

Don't you have a say in where your DD1 is going? MIL should really have cleared it with you first. That's basic respect to the child's parents!

Anna - i dont agree. i would agree if it was a trip to the park or staying overnight at grans but disneyland? nah. i wouldnt do that to my child nor would i let anyone else.

rory, you cant "insist" they take dd2 somewhere. if they cant see their mistake then shame on them

I don't think you should let her take her either. It sounds like they are trying to create divisions in your family, hiving off your older daughter and offering her treats whilst ignoring the younger one. All this without even bothering to consult you which is totally outrageous.

What does your husband think about this?

TBH I think your little dd is a bit young at just 2 to go without you to DL.Your MIL probably would find it too much to cope with two little ones. I think your idea of a special, age appropriate, treat for DD2 is great. I know my mother and MIL have always made a fuss of my DD1 as she was the first but also because shes older they can do more with her. Maybe as your DD2 gets older and more independent you can encourage your MIL to spend quality time with her.

Both or none. sorry. If they can not manage the two it is fine, you can them later when you can.

Thinking about this more - I think I'd still be telling DD1 no. Most 2yo I know would understand what they are missing out on. And a 4yo should be able to understand the unfairness of the situation.

Next week I am going to DLP. We are taking two 5 year olds and a 2yo. I know that that 2yo would be devasted if she was being left behind.

I agree that a Disney holiday is not the same as other time away with grandparents.

nailpolish - personally I think it is just wonderful when grandmothers take grandchildren off individually for treats - it will be Rorytigger's MIL and DD1 one-on-one and that's a lovely arrangement to be encouraged.

It is very important that little children have one-to-one times with their relatives.

I wouldn't let dd1 go tbh.

I know dd2 is only 2, but I took my ds to disneyland paris when he was 20 months and he adored it - he still talks about it now, 6 months later.

I'd say both or nothing. Unfair that dd1 misses out on the opportunity, but unfair on dd2 if she misses out on going.

Don't let your MIL get away with this sort of behaviour. Totally out of order imo. And to tell dd1 as well!

That's outrageous that your MIL is a) wanting to take one without the other and b) telling your DD1 she's going without asking you. Sounds as though she's done it deliberately so you feel you can't say anything or you'll disappoint DD1
I agree completely with MaryBS's advice 14:02:14, tell DD1 she can't go because it would be unfair on DD2, and you'll all go together one day.

She'll be upset but she'll get over it, and I think the impact on her would be less than it would on DD2 if you let DD1 go without her.

i just think its sad that they dont think dd2 will notice or care.

and even if she DIDNT notice or care - if it was my dd2 id be heartbroken on her behalf

it will be spoken about in the future by dd1 - and dd2 will wonder why she was left out

anna

this is disneyland, not a walk to the playpark

Anna - On the whole, I agree with that idea. But not Disneyland no. IMO very different type of treat.