The father of my DS isn’t interested in marriage

[Kathanmum]

This is my first thread and just want some advise.

I have a DS with my DP he is 4 months old. I really want to get married but whenever I ever touch on the subject like saying I want my dad to still be alive when I get married ( my father is 71 with heart failure) he goes all quiet and dodges the subject it’s really irritating. When I was pregnant I said “do you want to get married” he responded saying “yeah I can picture myself getting married one day”. This felt like he dodged the question and acted like he didn’t realise I meant to me....

Should I come outright and ask him if he wants to marry me or just keep going with the flow? We are in a happy relationship with no problems, we live in a house with a dog and talk about other things in the future like more kids/living abroad.

My other issue is everything is in his name, the car, the house, the child benefit forms even our sons last name. I don’t feel particularly secure in this.

@Wyntersdiary

so basically if you break up, you lose everything and he is okay with that. He is okay with the mother of his child and his child being homeless, with no car, no money etc

How does she loose everything? It’s his house and car, purchased before , they were never hers. She has no entitlement to them. Just like a man has no entitlement to a woman’s assets. And she’s the bigger earner and she has savings.

Make sure you declare the child benefit to HMRC if your income is or goes over £50k (regardless whose name it is in). You’ll eventually have to pay it back plus interest and a fine if you don’t.

@Chewbecca

Make sure you declare the child benefit to HMRC if your income is or goes over £50k (regardless whose name it is in). You’ll eventually have to pay it back plus interest and a fine if you don’t.

the OP mentions it's in her partner's name due to his earnings on the books.

which suggests quite a lot of off the books work going on.

yeah I can picture myself getting married one day

He says Myself. Not us. Myself.

This man has no intention of it.

Just tell him you want to be married.

OP hasn’t been back.

Yes, as PPs say, as the current higher earner OP could be fine financially without marriage, IF she doesn’t pay much towards assets he owns (home, car), continues to work FT, does no more than half the weekday parenting, time off for DC being ill etc. (To maintain / progress her earnings). Saves money in her own name etc.

But I imagine she’s not currently doing all that. Luckily, she can change that almost immediately, unilaterally! Her DP might not like that, of course, but it’s all logical and reasonable given they’re not married.

@FedUpAtHomeTroels

Child benefit can only be paid to the primary caregiver of the child. www.qredible.co.uk/b/child-benefit-shared-custody/

Would anyone want to take the chance with their baby if they split.

The baby is also her partners baby.