Brace yourself, this is going to be VERY LONG! Have changed places and names.
Back story
I was living in Bristol, and I met a girl - let's call her Emily. On paper we were meant to be friends, but although we tried meeting up a few times, there was always something off. She was a musician, and spent a lot of time talking about her open relationship with her long-term partner of 10 years, David, and how amazing it was to be free of social conventions.
One night at the pub, she introduced me to David, also a musician and a painter. Whereas I hadn't clicked with her, I massively hit it off with him, and we became friends. I soon learnt that the person driving the open relationship thing was Emily, not David, and that she was basically always on the lookout for women to set him up with, because her being able to shag other men was dependent on him having women to shag.
David and I became very good friends. We spent a lot of time together, and just really gelled. We had a lot of fun together, and he began pressuring me to get involved with him romantically. Although I was starting to "love him", it's kind of hard to explain - it was more like I developed a very deep-rooted affection and sense of kinship with him, but I wasn't necessarily crazily physically attracted to him, and didn't want a proper relationship with him. So I went with it, out of curiosity but also because I did feel close to him. But along side that, the whole open relationship thing drove me insane. Not because I wanted to be with him, but because I just couldn't stand the hypocrisy of it. It felt like they both wanted the social convention and security of being in a long-term live-in relationship, while also using people without those things to satisfy the "fun factor", while telling us, their "secondary" partners, that there was absolutely no difference between us and their "primary" relationship.
Which was clearly bullshit. A good example was when me and David had planned to do something one night. He came to my house, and she called. It was 10pm. She began crying about how lonely she felt sat at home, because her "secondary" partner had stood her up. After David finished speaking to her, he was really upset and didn't know what to do. I told him I didn't really care about the evening itself, but just wanted to point out that if he did leave to go to her, then clearly he really needed to stop believing his own BS about there being "no difference" between us all. He started crying, and he left to be with her.
While I continued really like David as a friend, I found both of them quite manipulative and deceptive, with right-on principles that didn't actually translate.
End of back story
It was 2016, and this had been going on for six months or so. Finally, I put an end to it, which David wasn't happy about, and kind of tried to continue nagging in me to continue this weird half romantic relationship. I said I wanted us to just stay friends, and anyway, I was going to move to Germany.
On the day I left for Germany, in 2016, he told me he would see me off at the station. He brought with him a painting he had made for me. I was really touched, but I didn't want to take it. It felt like if I did, because things were still ambiguous, it would be like continuing on a romantic thing. So I didn't take it.
2017, time went by, I would come back to the UK for visits and meet up with him, all good, friends.
2018, same. In the summer of 2018, as time had gone by and old wounds had closed, I sent him a message saying - you know that painting you did? Do you still have it? He did. I asked him if he wanted to sell it to me. The reason I wanted to buy it was that I have artists in my family, and I know it's important to support artists you know. Also, I liked the painting. It was painted for me, and it was of a place that meant something to both of us. He said sure. He asked for £300. I wired it that same day, in May 2018 I believe.
Every time I went back to the UK, he would "forget" to bring the painting when we met up. Even when I was there for a few days, and we would meet say on a Friday, and I would remind him, he still wouldn't bring it on the Saturday.
Finally, in 2019, I said - look, would it be easier if you just sent me the painting? That's probably best, it'll mean I won't have to transport it back home by hand, too. He said sure.
Painting never came.
Now in 2020, with the first lockdown, I'm self-employed and income plummeted. I began having to take a very close look at my bank statements, and that prompted the memory of the painting. I began feeling a bit angry about this - it's been two years, I would expect either my money back or the painting?
I began suspecting that SOMETHING was going on - either he'd already sold it, or he had put it on his wall and Emily maybe kicked up a fuss about him taking it down to send to me, or something. Whatever really.
I told him that at this stage, to just forget the painting and give me my money back. He said oh no no no, why don't I send you the painting anyway! I said seriously, just forget about it now. He asked for my bank details. I sent them. A week later he said he couldn't read them properly, could I send a clearer image (????). I did.
Last month he began chatting to me, and asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about (I told him I'd been going through a hard time). So finally, I sent him this:
"I would like to talk to you about things but honestly I'm also struggling a bit. I don't feel like I should have to work this hard to get back money I initially gave you because I wanted to show my support. I think your tardiness feels disrespectful and that's a shame because it has definitely shifted the dynamic between us which I don't like."
In response, he sent me this:
"Re: the money - I got your email, but I don't have it to send because I'm out of work on universal credit with no savings. I challenge your assumption it's a lack of respect. It was very kind of you to offer support, but your demand for it back went on top of what was already a few hundred of debt. I haven't forgotten and I'll help you when I can..."
Am I being oversensitive in thinking this is quite a manipulative message? I don't know. I'm not sure how the back story and this painting story are connected but they make me feel the same feeling, which is a kind of frustration and anger. I'm not sure why. I just don't think I would have the gall.
To make it even more WHAT...! I saw that he has started a Crowdfunder, he posted on FB asking people to contribute because he and Emily want to make an album.
Am I reading too much into this? His language feels undermining to me, again not sure why. I have been too passive in my life and have recently started being firmer and more direct in my dealings with people, and it's really paying off. So I want to do that if this merits it here. But I also dont want to ruin a friendship by reading too much into it.