What do your MILs do when they come over?

[Sunsetred]

Just wondering because mine does nothing. I wish I lived closer to my own mum because she would help us out when she visited.

What do you exoect her to do?

Well she is 85 so I don’t expect her to do anything except eat and drink something and sit on the sofa the rest of the time. My mother is dead.

Why do you expect family to do stuff for you when they visit?

Thankfully since we moved her 5 years ago mil has never been!!
She dumped us on ds's first Xmas!!
What a great gift!!

My MIL helps looks after the kids abs will offer to wash up. My mother does nothing but she isn’t able to really because of disability.

I think your post needs more info. What help do you want or need?

MIL will make herself tea but wouldn't fix herself food, which is the same for me going to her house. She's a brilliant lady and I think a lot of her, I think we have a good balance of familiarity without being overly familiar

It’s very rare she comes to us. But when she does... Sits there looking awkward, says no to anything I offer like a cup of tea and generally looks like she can’t wait to leave! There was one occasion she looked after DS while we went out and she cleaned the microwave. I didn’t know whether to be happy or offended!

Fuck all, but she barely does a thing at her own home, either. Suits me just fine, honestly. I prefer to do things my way in my home.

I do get what you are saying OP. I've had friends who have MILs (or mums) who take the baby/play with the children or take them out, clean, bring groceries, cook, put laundry on, insist that she babysit whist you have a night away etc. and I have been jealous at times. My MIL has been quite helpful from time to time so I won't complain but I do get it.

I don't expect mine to do anything. My mother doesn't either. She is quite demanding when she is here. Tea is too hot too cold etc.

What do you think mil should do? My feeling is that they raised their own kids and surely need a break now?

Same thing anyone else “does” when they come round? Sit, chat, the people who live here make drinks and/or food. Might watch TV or play a game or sit in the garden or go for a walk. Play with the kids, get dragged off to be “shown” endless drawings or new treasures.

Then go home.

Nothing. If she’s at mine, she’s my guest and I want her to be comfortable and relaxed. I’d be mortified if she started doing household things.

I also love to visit my ILs because they spoil us and don’t expect anything from us except to chill out and have a holiday.

She doesnt do anything. It's like she's never had 5 children.. doesn't offer any help.
When im a mil i will offer to babysit, do the dishes, vacuum or pay for cleaners and food delivery as my gift to the new parents not visit, judge, sit awkwardly and leave as quick as possible.

Mine sits with her coat and shoes on, handbag on her lap, scowling and exuding malevolence.

Not sure why or with what you expect yours to help out; it’s your house, not hers. Do your own chores.

If you mean childcare, as harsh as this may sound, people aren't automatically entitled to help from relatives when they make the choice to have children. As a pp has pointed out, they've done their share of child-rearing.

@Sunsetred

Just wondering because mine does nothing. I wish I lived closer to my own mum because she would help us out when she visited.

MILs can’t win on Mumsnet. If a MIL popped in and did some housework, all hell would be let loose on here, with comments about her interference, snooping, taking over, being critical. Next thing would be peeps suggesting you go no contact.

My MIL will stay in the kitchen for the entire time and we all have to revolve around her obsessive cooking. My Mum will entertain the kids and not much else.

These are the same posters telling you to ask family to help out if you have young dc or a new born and overwhelmed. Call family theyd say. Ask them to watch little oscar theyd say. Yeah right.
Depending how you word your thread title you get all the skewed knee jerk half pissed off answers 😂

@Florenzia

She doesnt do anything. It's like she's never had 5 children.. doesn't offer any help. When im a mil i will offer to babysit, do the dishes, vacuum or pay for cleaners and food delivery as my gift to the new parents not visit, judge, sit awkwardly and leave as quick as possible.

Be afraid! You’ll be branded as needy, critical, judgemental and interfering. MILs are scum on Mumsnet!

I guess help out a little bit - I have my first baby and I'm too far from my friends and family and I thought that maybe she would offer to help with things occasionally. Maybe offer to bring over some food or make a cup of tea...I was just wondering as not sure what help if anything people find useful.

She lives 5 mins away but she only pops in on birthdays and at Christmas. She chats and drinks coffee.

I think its a selfish attitude to say well ive done my child rearing.

If you have then surely you should remember how bloody hard it is.

I think some people think they had it harder so selfishly why should i help you out nobody helped me sort of thing.

I think a kind and generous person rather than see it as why should i, they see it well why wouldnt i having known what a hard job it is?

Im not talking about elderly, ill or full time workers or carer grandparents.

Mine plays with dc and generally keeps them entertained and stays out of my way. Never done anything more than that, though after first dc was born she did bring over some soup. It’s hard to imagine what more you would expect her to do. Have you asked her to help with specific things?

@Sunsetred

I guess help out a little bit - I have my first baby and I'm too far from my friends and family and I thought that maybe she would offer to help with things occasionally. Maybe offer to bring over some food or make a cup of tea...I was just wondering as not sure what help if anything people find useful.

Is your baby quite small still. If so I would expect anyone to offer to help someone who had a small baby, even if it was making a cup of tea or taking the baby for a walk.

However maybe your MIL isn’t aware you’d like the help. Have you asked her? Maybe you need to be direct and ask for help?

My mil never did anything like help around the house. But actually I would have been quite resentful if she had come in and started doing housework or something, so I'm glad of that.

When the children were babies she would have enjoyed holding them for a bit though. She was just company really, someone to have an adult conversation with. She drives me demented a lot of the time but she's very kind and loving.

She doesn't come over, she's not interested in her grandchildren at all, the old bat is not interested in anyone but herself. X