What do your MILs do when they come over?

[Sunsetred]

Just wondering because mine does nothing. I wish I lived closer to my own mum because she would help us out when she visited.

@Twobrews

Both my Mum and MIL used to do jobs when they babysat. I don't mean putting dishes they'd used in the dishwasher which I'd be fine with. I mean putting mail into piles, changing my bed sheets, ironing my underwear. MIL would rearrange things like the bread bin and toaster to what she thought was best. I hate people touching my stuff so it's not something I wanted at all.

Mine do that! Even when we’re here. It takes endless “I’d really rather do that myself, PLEASE just leave it” while trying not to sound snappy, although DH will actually follow MIL around going “Mum, no, you’re not doing the washing up. Sit down. Mum put that down. Mum put that DOWN. MUM. NO. STOP WASHING UP.”

It drives me bonkers, but it’s genuinely well meant and they do just want to feel helpful. And they are both lovely, so I have not yet lost it and run screaming into the garden over yet another “I’ve had a good sort out of your fridge...”

Crap on about themselves and their interests. Stay too long.
Lockdown has been good in many ways!

@Florenzia

I think its a selfish attitude to say well ive done my child rearing.

If you have then surely you should remember how bloody hard it is.

I think some people think they had it harder so selfishly why should i help you out nobody helped me sort of thing.

I think a kind and generous person rather than see it as why should i, they see it well why wouldnt i having known what a hard job it is?

Im not talking about elderly, ill or full time workers or carer grandparents.

This. I am dumbfounded by the attitude of 'they've done their time, they owe you nothing'. I have given birth to two boys who will my be children for life, even when they are old themselves. I help them now they are young by looking after them, I will still look after them in other ways when they are adults because they are my babies and I love them, anyone who reproduces knows when they do this that there is a huge likelihood that their offspring will also reproduce and they will hold the title of grandparent. I want to be a good one if that time ever comes. I would help out because I remember how hard it was for me when no one helped me, and I wouldn't want my boys or their future partners to go without that help if they needed it.

@GoldenOmber

See, we can't win! I agree with you totally. FIL sorts out MOTs and servicing for their cars, I bake cakes and order treats online for them, we gave them a large house deposit and paid for a 2-week family holiday in the USA a couple of years back - that's how we help. We know our boundaries and would never interfere in their house.

See, we can't win!

It’s really not the offers of help I have an issue with, it’s the insistence on doing it anyway even when offers are met with “that’s really kind of you but no, please, let me do it myself.” They mean well but aaaargh...

I'm quite happy for my MIL to come over and not offer any help whatsoever! Even when I had my children, I didn't expect help. My own mum didn't help either. My husband and the father of my children did the cleaning, cooking etc when needed. Why do people expect help like this?
I'm sure if I asked, they would be happy to help, but it was in no way expected as a done deal.
I agree that they have done their parenting. And if done correctly, have raised well balanced independent adults who should be able to cope with their own lives without being looked after or mothered still.
As a grandparent, I see their job as enjoying the grandchildren and playing with them not cooking me meals or cleaning my house!
The only things we've ever asked for from in laws or my own parents is a bit of DIY help as they have the tools, or the odd spot of babysitting.

Visits with her husband several times a year. Criticises, judges, complains and leaves. But not before telling us how wonderful her other children and grandchildren are.

Mine is long dead but I remember one visit, I had spent days cleaning as she was very houseproud. She came in, ran her finger along the top of a picture in the hall and said,”I do like a dirty house”! She then spent her two day visit spring cleaning every inch of the house singing away and obviously happy. She told me afterwards that she was having medication which made her “a bit peculiar”. I told her she was welcome anytime. I have never been much of a housewife.

Mine tries to help with everything
We have to sit on her to get her to stay still!
I adore her but wish she’d just chill rather than help us
I cannot count the amount of times she’s helping us cook a roast and fil is doing some small diy job that nobody has noticed needs doing

I adore the pair of them tho-they just like to be busy and help us

Mine entertains and plays with DD and will help out with washing up if we've had her over for tea. Otherwise she comes for coffee and a catch-up.

I don't expect her to do housework or help out, though she has on occasion when I first had DD and couldn't do much around the house (wheeled the bins out, hung washing out, etc). I wouldn't want to insult her by expecting her to do things for us and I think she'd be worried about stepping on our toes by doing stuff without being asked.

When we first had dd my mil brought meals round, did shopping, did washing for us.
She doesn't do things round the house for us now dd is older but she does still play with her and if we cook dinner will offer to wash up. She also offers to baby sit often too.
She is brilliant and I feel so lucky!
If I ever have grandchildren I would definitely like to do the same for my dd or ddil as I know how helpful it has been.