Am I being high maintenance?

[nutella202]

I've been dating someone for about 5/6 weeks now. It's been pretty slow because were both busy and I'm not one to see someone new constantly.

Last time we saw each other we slept together and we were messaging a lot and he made a lot of interest in the week after. I didn't hear from him for a couple days then he messaged me last week to make arrangements for a date for a couple weeks for some specific activity and said do you want to meet this weekend, I was busy Saturday he Friday so we said let's do Sunday. Sunday comes and I hadn't heard off him so I said are we still meeting and he said can we postpone I'm feeling lazy. I replied with a thumbs up and he said in a jokey way wow don't be harsh and I said what would you prefer I respond and he said something like ok cool no worries so I responded sarcastically saying I'm sorry to hear you are feeling lazy and he said I know sorry it's a shit excuse I just feel tired can I message you if I feel less tired later and I basically no thanks let's just leave it, in a tone that said I wasn't taking shit but I wasn't really arsey either I made a joke, and now it appears he's seen him arse as he hasn't messaged me. One of my friends said he's probably pissed off as sometimes people are tired. Should I just bin off this man child or is it not a big deal? To me if you've only been dating a few weeks that sends a message you're not that interested right?

He can't be arsed to see you even in the early 'honeymoon' stage, and is policing your replies to his messages.

You know what to do.

Definitely not high maintenance.

'Feeling lazy' just wouldn't cut it for me.

You offered to see him Sunday but he couldn't be bothered so leave him to fester and find someone more exciting.

Thanks for the replies! I was leaning even before this to see him on just a casual basis, nothing serious but now I think is it even worth it as a fwb situation if he can't be arsed to get of bed? He's 31, lives in a house share (common where we live) just feels studenty to me. I don't want a serious relationship just fun but seems more hassle than fun

Bin him off. He's testing your boundaries to see what level of shitty man child you'll put up with. You don't need someone like this in your life, even for "fun".

This isn't fun tho, is it? Being told off for the wrong tone in accepting what he wanted to do (you weren't even pushing back on what he wanted to do!)

Boring. yawn. he's awful

It doesn't bode well, does it. A friend wouldn't do this to you, so a new lover certainly shouldn't.

Sack him off now. Fwb certainly shouldn't feel like hard work.

He doesn't sound like he has anything to offer and is a bore through texts. Find another fwb who can actually offer you the benefits.

Bin him off. He's testing your boundaries to see what level of shitty man child you'll put up with.

This! His “lazy” was a doormat test. You actually passed, and are through to the next round which means you don’t have to date dregs like him anymore.

I don’t think it comes down to you being high maintenance, I think he just isn’t that interested and your response just confirmed that to him. He probably just wanted sex. Move on.

He’s the high maintenance one! You messaged him a thumbs up and it wasn’t enough for him?

Then he asked if he could message you to meet up basically if he could be arsed. Good for you for saying no. I mean!

The worst part is that you’re doubting your own behaviour when in fact someone’s just been outrageously rude to you! Goodbye and good riddance to him.

His “lazy” was a doormat test

Yep. I didn't know about these "doormat tests" until my current partner explained it to me. He's a lovely guy and would never do that but he knows plenty of men who do. You've dodged a bullet there OP.

Bin. Immediately. 5/6 weeks in and he's "feeling lazy"? Total knob.

Wow.....shocked with all the responses on here.
I have to admit in the early days of courting my partner- we were young btw 18 and still in Uni, I was guilty of sending a message like this. Funnily enough, it was a Sunday as well I text to say I was really tired to meet up and wanted a fay in bed. We had met a few times in the weeks and drunk ourselves in a stupor (typical student life) so I wanted time to recoup.
Maybe he was just genuinely tired? And needed a rest day? What activity did you plan?
Isnt it better for someone to rest instead of forcng themselves out and being boring company because they're tired and dont have the energy to socialise? I have to say I am really shocked with the replies, not really giving him a chance.

Thanks all, definitely right about the door mat test, in the past when I was younger I always failed and would have been sitting around waiting for someone like him. Definitely older and wiser but sometimes just need a little reassurance this is unacceptable and to be strong, as im new ish to dating again!

Forcing**
Sorry for typos

Read “Why Men Love Bitches” to strengthen your trust in your own feisty instincts.

@Freshprincess12 we aren't students though, we are both professionals I'm 29 and he is 31. We were meant to go and get a drink. I was tired and a bit hungover myself but still made the effort. And it was me who had to message him for him to tell me he was lazy after he asked to meet. I agree about giving people chances but he hasn't really redeemed himself as he hasn't even messaged or properly apologised since?

I'd be tempted to wait until he makes another date. Agree, but an hour before said date text "can't be arsed tbh, bye......"

But I can be petty like that

@Freshprincess12 '18 and in uni'...I doubt the OP is in her first year of uni

My point being, she's probably expecting someone far more mature than a child who's wanting and prepared to put a bit of effort in.

Yes age is a factor here..Im just trying to look on the bright side, that maybe he was just knackered and knew he wouldnt be much fun..Im guilty of doing this a few times, when me and dh split for a year..I was on the dating scene.
If I was tired and having a bad day, I would be honest and just say can we rearrange as I know Id just be shit company and not enjoy myself. Im just looking at it from a different POV.

Bin him off. He’s a waste of time.

@TwentyViginti

I'd be tempted to wait until he makes another date. Agree, but an hour before said date text "can't be arsed tbh, bye......"

But I can be petty like that

Same here 😅

I agree these things happen but if it was me I'd offer a concrete alternative to let them know I was still interested

@Freshprincess12

Yes age is a factor here..Im just trying to look on the bright side, that maybe he was just knackered and knew he wouldnt be much fun..Im guilty of doing this a few times, when me and dh split for a year..I was on the dating scene. If I was tired and having a bad day, I would be honest and just say can we rearrange as I know Id just be shit company and not enjoy myself. Im just looking at it from a different POV.

BUT HE DIDN'T MESSAGE OP. She had to message him to see if they were still on.