Am I being high maintenance?

[nutella202]

I've been dating someone for about 5/6 weeks now. It's been pretty slow because were both busy and I'm not one to see someone new constantly.

Last time we saw each other we slept together and we were messaging a lot and he made a lot of interest in the week after. I didn't hear from him for a couple days then he messaged me last week to make arrangements for a date for a couple weeks for some specific activity and said do you want to meet this weekend, I was busy Saturday he Friday so we said let's do Sunday. Sunday comes and I hadn't heard off him so I said are we still meeting and he said can we postpone I'm feeling lazy. I replied with a thumbs up and he said in a jokey way wow don't be harsh and I said what would you prefer I respond and he said something like ok cool no worries so I responded sarcastically saying I'm sorry to hear you are feeling lazy and he said I know sorry it's a shit excuse I just feel tired can I message you if I feel less tired later and I basically no thanks let's just leave it, in a tone that said I wasn't taking shit but I wasn't really arsey either I made a joke, and now it appears he's seen him arse as he hasn't messaged me. One of my friends said he's probably pissed off as sometimes people are tired. Should I just bin off this man child or is it not a big deal? To me if you've only been dating a few weeks that sends a message you're not that interested right?

@Eckhart that's interesting, I think probably because in my last relationship he did a lot of things and then turned it around on me expecting too much and it would always be me apologising. That was a serious relationship and it ended a year ago and I'm now back out dating and whilst I think my boundaries are better and I've had time to work out who am I more and what I want from a relationship, I still am a bit unsure of myself in situations like this. Even though I know his behaviour is shit some of my friends reactions made me question my reaction to what hes been like

Bin this bloke, and bin being unsure of yourself. After all, you're amazing, aren't you? Why should someone as fab as you have to settle for someone who treats you in a way that makes you question yourself?

Never forget that you ROCK, and, if you struggle to follow this through, think of a forthright, confident, straight-to-the-point role model (famous, or someone you know/have known) and just pretend to be them if your nerve fails you. Don't let anybody push your boundaries. They are the definition of you, and if you respect them, everybody else will have to, too.

It's the bit where he says could he message you later if he's less tired that would grate for me. You're supposed to be available or not at any time and not complain either way. Or send messages that might make him feel bad.

Thank you @Eckhart I've screenshotted this and will read it back in times of weakness! :) that's a great point to think of how someone I respect would act and I'll definitely try to remember that.

@WinterSunglasses that annoyed me too, very much like if I can be arsed will you hang around for me

Just block him.

Never make excuses for any man. Never spend any time waiting around on one.

That's how women end up in years long situationshits.

Just in case he acts straight out of the fuckboy handbook, what should I say if he messages asking to meet up again?

Honestly, I’d just block him to clear up my headspace. But if I HAD to reply, I think a 👎🏻 would be funny.

if you struggle to follow this through, think of a forthright, confident, straight-to-the-point role model ... and just pretend to be them if your nerve fails you.

Yes! I used to do this when I was single! It really works. My alter ego (or altar ego, more appropriately when I was dating my now DH) was Meghan Markle. I always pictured her as charming/radiant on dates but with Teflon boundaries and zero bullshit tolerance.

I look nothing like her, but I pretended otherwise. 😆

No OP I don't tolerate lack of interest any more. Its a waste of my own life to sit around waiting for a man who isn't keen.
Treat them mean to keep them keen doesn't do it for me.
He can go to fuck.

Get rid and get on with your life,

Even though I know his behaviour is shit some of my friends reactions made me question my reaction to what hes been like

Keep an eye on how these particular friends make you feel in general. Do you feel consistently good around them, or do they make you feel like questioning yourself in other ways? It might be advisable to bin them, too... or, less dramatically, make a bit of emotional distance between them and your decision making process.

He sounds like bad news to me. You can do so much better than what he is currently offering. Move on and never look back.

Have these conversations on a call, not by text, and no-one will end up pissy about anyone's tone. Because there will be ACTUAL tone to respond to, not made up perceptions of tone. Texting is a shit way to run a relationship.

Just in case he acts straight out of the fuckboy handbook, what should I say if he messages asking to meet up again?

Just reply "Naa, my vibrator is miles better, more reliable and can be switched off without expecting any ego massage…”

My (man’s) perspective

You had previously made plans- if he was into you, but he really wasn’t feeling up to going out, he could have contacted you first and apologised.

He’s just not that interested I’m afraid

Thanks @AusFrosty I agree, if you're into someone you just make the effort. And it's been radio silence since! Ah well, onto the next one!

@AusFrosty

My (man’s) perspective

You had previously made plans- if he was into you, but he really wasn’t feeling up to going out, he could have contacted you first and apologised.

He’s just not that interested I’m afraid

Agree with this but just be careful with the thumbs up. I understand that it’s meaning nowadays is pretty much the sarcastic, whatever, fuck you meaning rather than a positive response. Ok not for everyone but it’s not impossible he understood it like that.

Yes, but why is that a problem, @BillMasen? If someone I was dating and had had plans with waited until I got in touch with them on the day in order to text me to the effect that they 'felt too lazy' to see me, I wouldn't use an emoji of any kind, but I would be quite upfront that I didn't appreciate them wasting my valuable time.

To be honest I don't think I was trying to be really friendly and agreeable with him, I think it's poor at this age to behave like this with someone, I wouldn't do that to a friend or even a first date

I felt that response was as good as what he had said to me, and he expected me to be all ooh no worries it's cool text me if you feel less tired :) like no we had plans and you didn't bother to let me know you couldn't be arsed

Yes, I think 'Cheers mate, bye forever!' would have been equally as appropriate as a thumbs up sign. He was being ridiculous. What tired person gets less tired as the evening draws on?! He didn't even credit you with common sense.

Haha that's very true! Didn't think of that. I think he said that because he thought oh shit she isn't happy and then I said no let's just leave it if you're tired to which he never replied. Idiot!

@SlightDrizzle

Yes, but why is that a problem, *@BillMasen*? If someone I was dating and had had plans with waited until I got in touch with them on the day in order to text me to the effect that they 'felt too lazy' to see me, I wouldn't use an emoji of any kind, but I would be quite upfront that I didn't appreciate them wasting my valuable time.

Not a problem if you wanted to communicate a sarcastic “whatever”

A problem if you didn’t

That’s sll