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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Me and my partner had a really big argument? Now what

124 replies

Sophie1029734 · 29/11/2020 15:16

Hi everyone.
I was getting ready to go out and take baby to his mums to visit (at a distance) I needed my partner to have the baby while I got ready, otherwise itd take 3x as long. He has a history of complaining when he has her, always tells me to hurry up and that. I came down after 3 mins to put a little bit of makeup on and get going. He then goes "how long will will you be" with a face like a slapped arse. I flipped. I was going on about why he always complains, does he not want to be with her etc. He put her in the walker and decided to put his head phones on and turn back round to his game and goes "I'm not haveing her anymore" like he was doing me a favour and because ive annoyed him, he no longer will. He has a big habit of this too, always tells me to shut up reapeatdely if I voice an issue, ignoring me etc so this made me more angry, i tell him that he will have her and I wont put up with the complaining, its unfair. He continues to ignore me so I unplug his playstation and take it in to living roo. (maybe not the smartest move) he walks away and goes now I'm defo not haveing her. I said over again, can u just have her so I can get ready.. I need to go to another room and dont want to leave her there. He continues to say no so I start yelling more. (I put baby in her cot so shes safe) I go to him and hes on his phone, i flip whilst yelling. I grab his ps4 (again BAD MOVE off mine ) and drop it on the floor, no force just enough to get his attention. He flips and comes at me, I'm basically on the floor and hes just grabbing me, lifted me in the air and dropping me etc I was physically hurt as a kid so rather than backing down I fought back, rather than crying and saying stop I laugh. It's a natural reaction to things that make me uncomfortable, I do it with everything... i just smile and laugh. I'm not excusing my self for trying to hit back but I can see why I might of added flames to the fire. I got on the bed and kicked him away.. he flips more because I'm doing this. After it all he kicks me really hard then goes to walk away, me being me I grab whats closest (a half opened can of coke) and thrown it at him along with some deodorant cans. I shouldnt of done this 🙃 he goes off again, tries bending my wrist backwards, goes for my my neck, face etc I feel fine, nothing really hurts accept where he kicked me so he definitely held back with his hits. He wants me to leave but I feel emotionless and no energy to pack, I'm literally like a statue. He says he never wants to see me again.

OP posts:
AngelDelightUK · 29/11/2020 20:11

Hope everything is ok OP

S111n20 · 29/11/2020 20:12

Please leave this will only get worse. Put your child first.

ExclamationPerfume · 29/11/2020 20:13

@Notanothermask the OP turned off the PlayStation and threw/dropped it on the floor before her partner even reacted. She was the one to start the abuse.

carly2803 · 29/11/2020 20:15

you are not good parents - having a child in this situation is not ok!

one of you needs to leave and grow thefuck upfor your child

Notanothermask · 29/11/2020 20:18

@ExclamationPerfume
So you are justifying a man hitting a women? I'm sorry but no!
Ofcourse she shouldn't of threw it on the floor that's was completely wrong she should of just left it at turning it off at the plug? But that's just what men do To justify it oh well she shouldn't of answered back, oh well she shouldn't of gotten in my way etc etc there is no justification for violence ever!

NotaCoolMum · 29/11/2020 20:21

@Gobbycop

Ffs your poor kid.

You both need to grow the fuck up and get a grip.

100% this
ExclamationPerfume · 29/11/2020 20:21

@Notanothermask you stated she didn't start it when she clearly did. Obviously he should not have hit her but she deliberately wound him up. Not all men behave like that.

IntoP20 · 29/11/2020 20:21

@Notanothermask If my child isn't doing what I asked or telling me no? I would take away his toys? If my child hit me in retaliation to this that would not be acceptable

This is the stupidest justification for domestic violence (in this instance her shouting at her partner, turning his PS4 off and intentionally dropping it to the ground) I have ever heard. I really can’t imagine reading anything much stupider

Notanothermask · 29/11/2020 20:26

[quote IntoP20]**@Notanothermask* If my child isn't doing what I asked or telling me no? I would take away his toys? If my child hit me in retaliation to this that would not be acceptable*

This is the stupidest justification for domestic violence (in this instance her shouting at her partner, turning his PS4 off and intentionally dropping it to the ground) I have ever heard. I really can’t imagine reading anything much stupider[/quote]
Okay well maybe I shouldn't of used that as an example pretty stupid (I'll take that back) but the point still stands she did nothing to him physically for him to lash out and take her down?

Shutupyoutart · 29/11/2020 20:26

I think you are getting a hard time here, yes your behaviour wasnt great but nothing excuses violence he kicked you ffs. you sound like you realise your behaviour wasn't ok either and i dont think its fair for anyone to say your a bad mum. No one here knows you or your circumstances, The most important thing is that you and your daughter get out of this safely. Hope you are both ok.

Smellbellina · 29/11/2020 20:44

OP you are not as bad as each other, you and your DD need to leave. It won’t get better. I hope you’re ok

Bluntness100 · 29/11/2020 20:49

@Smellbellina

OP you are not as bad as each other, you and your DD need to leave. It won’t get better. I hope you’re ok
It isn’t a competition or a race to the bottom.
Melaniaswig · 29/11/2020 20:51

You both sound as bad as each other. Your daughter deserves better.

Smellbellina · 29/11/2020 20:57

@Bluntness100 go find a mirror to pick an argument in, I’m not interested

strugglingtomakesenseofitall · 29/11/2020 21:03

This is domestic violence directed at you and abuse, I am not surprised his refusal to look after his child is exasperating, his behaviour was very unfair and passive aggressive and then physically aggressive, as others have said fighting back when you're attacked is not wrong. He needs to leave, and you need some support to enable you to have different methods of communicating and find healthier relationships

strugglingtomakesenseofitall · 29/11/2020 21:08

@Sophie1029734 really hope you're ok, ignore the judgemental idiots, you do need to get yourself and your daughter to a safe place.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 29/11/2020 21:15

RTFT people.

The OP was last posting from outside a locked door, her baby inside with a man who refuses to look after her for 5 minutes SadAngrySadAngry

OP I very much hope you are now at your grandad’s with your baby.

Viviennemary · 29/11/2020 23:10

OP deliberately dropped his play station on the floor breaking it. And threw two missiles. Before any retaliation. I certainly wouldn't live with that level of abusive behaviour.

Viviennemary · 29/11/2020 23:23

I haven't read the whole thread. But I have now. Yes the whole thing sounds toxic and really bad for a young child.

Smellbellina · 29/11/2020 23:26

OP deliberately dropped his play station on the floor breaking it. And threw two missiles. Before any retaliation.

😂 you’ve been watching a Blockbuster, where as I just read the news

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 29/11/2020 23:43

This reply has been deleted

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Mabelene · 30/11/2020 00:15

Poor kid

CrazyToast · 30/11/2020 07:00

Yes you need to leave.

What would you have to lose? He sounds like a useless father and bad partner, making your life more difficutl.

Hellothere19999 · 07/12/2020 21:24

OP, I came here from your other thread where you’re getting a lot of people having a go. I hope you are okay. I hope your baby is okay. I hope you have left this man x good luck x

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