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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH liking other women’s pictures on Instagram... am I being unreasonable?

90 replies

Ariesbaby89 · 27/11/2020 00:23

I usually tend to not care, as my partner has liked completely normal pics of women before but the last few weeks he’s followed 2 certain women who live in our area (never been friends with though) and has liked their pictures. They’re not average pictures one is her Halloween outfit dressed as a sexy angel with a lot on show and another is a woman with her cleavage popping out of a very mini dress. I am usually not the jealous type but these pictures are quite raunchy and they do show a lot of skin. Both girls live near by. Am I being stupid?

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 27/11/2020 01:23

I wouldn't like this either.

It would be like if there was some sexy local man posting topless pictures wearing grey sweatpants with the outline of his penis showing.

Your partner wouldn't want you to like that now would he!!

He'd probably feel a bit jealous and also embarrassed that everyone could see you liking them and think that you fancy him!

Ploki · 27/11/2020 01:24

YANBU! Completely inappropriate.

Lamppostcat · 27/11/2020 01:32

In what world do men thi k this is acceptable whe. They have partners ? What type of message do they think it sends to their partners , the other woman , their children or the world
No you are absolutely not being unreasonable . This is all part of thenpirnified culture we live I. Where evaluating women’s bodies is considered a pastime and hobby for men

Lamppostcat · 27/11/2020 01:33

Sorry - the pornified culture

Original poster
Ariesbaby89 · 27/11/2020 01:38

I am going to address this with him, I am glad I’m not overreacting etc. Maybe I should give him a taste of his own medicine? Lol 😆

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 27/11/2020 01:45

Yep if only there was some local sexy topless men in the greypants eh? Grin I think they are all waiting in heaven though lol

You could try the local gym pages and start following all the posers and drooling over everything they post Grin

but seriously I hope it goes well when you address it with him....when I see men in relationships liking stuff like that I just think they are sad bastards Hmm. Hopefully he will take what you say on board and realise he shouldn't do that when he's in a relationship.

user1481840227 · 27/11/2020 01:45
  • grey sweatpants
Notrightbutok · 27/11/2020 01:46

Many years ago I was, dating a guy who had pictures of Anna Kournikova as wallpaper in his computer. I didn't have my own computer but I bought some postcards of Russell Crowe in his Gladiator costume. He didn't like it Grin

Lamppostcat · 27/11/2020 02:08

@Notrightbutok

Many years ago I was, dating a guy who had pictures of Anna Kournikova as wallpaper in his computer. I didn't have my own computer but I bought some postcards of Russell Crowe in his Gladiator costume. He didn't like it Grin
The double standards of men never cease to amaze me .... we do live in a world that pretty much encourages men to see women as decoration and we are all supposed to just be cool with it Funny how men don’t seem to like it a whole lot lol when the tables are turned which they so seldom are
GalaKC · 27/11/2020 09:42

Yuck, that is sleazy, creepy and disrespectful to you. I would confront him, yes, and seeing this would make me lose a lot of respect for him.

Badwill · 27/11/2020 12:32

Ugh. Not at all appropriate and very disrespectful to you. Definitely broach it with him, his reaction will tell you all you need to know.

MMmomDD · 27/11/2020 13:23

Posts like this make me wonder - who has the time to try to police what your partner is doing/liking. And why???
What do you think would happen once he liked the pictures - those women would go weak at their knees and throw themselves on him?
Alternatively - let’s say he didn’t click ‘like’, but merely saw the pictures and thought they were hot. (A normal reaction to for a human to a sexualised image.) Then what?

All you would achieve by raising it with him is for him to tell you it’s nothing, and for him to feel that you are watching him. If he were to want to do something inappropriate - he’d just hide it.

If I were you - I’d not make it an issue. Or if you must - I’d make a joke. Or, even better - show him some pictures of sexy men on your feed. (Liking then probably won’t make a difference as he is unlikely to be monitoring your clicks, it seems to be what women do)

Original poster
Ariesbaby89 · 27/11/2020 14:16

I don’t monitor his likes, I have these women on social media too, as I have already said we are all from the same area. It shows mutual followers and his name showed up as liking the photos.

If you think your OH sexualising other women whilst in a committed relationship is normal then you have extremely low standards.

No, I don’t think they’d go weak at the knees and to be perfectly honest I couldn’t care less about them- it’s him that’s the problem. The fact these women live a few streets away is also another problem.

OP posts:
Woolwichgirl · 27/11/2020 18:34

Another one of these post yet again..sigh..

LolaSmiles · 27/11/2020 18:39

It wouldn't like this to be honest.

Usually I'm quick to tell people to get a grip regarding members of the opposite sex interacting, but for me the issue isn't that he liked a woman's photo (regardless of whether it was suggestive or raunchy), it's that he seems to be adding/following local women who essnetially strangers sharing sexualised content. It's a bit of a strange thing to do in a relationship and would change my view of him.

CoffeeSTAT · 27/11/2020 18:42

*Posts like this make me wonder - who has the time to try to police what your partner is doing/liking. And why???
What do you think would happen once he liked the pictures - those women would go weak at their knees and throw themselves on him?
Alternatively - let’s say he didn’t click ‘like’, but merely saw the pictures and thought they were hot. (A normal reaction to for a human to a sexualised image.) Then what?

All you would achieve by raising it with him is for him to tell you it’s nothing, and for him to feel that you are watching him. If he were to want to do something inappropriate - he’d just hide it.

If I were you - I’d not make it an issue. Or if you must - I’d make a joke. Or, even better - show him some pictures of sexy men on your feed. (Liking then probably won’t make a difference as he is unlikely to be monitoring your clicks, it seems to be what women do)*

What on earth am I reading? I don't police anything my DH does. He is an adult and my equal and I live and respect him. I do however have standards for how I expect him to behave towards both me as his wife, and other people especially women (ie not be a sleaze. It's not even a particularly high standard) If he was behaving in a way that didn't meet those standards I would feel perfectly within my rights to discuss it with him. It's not about watching over your partner's every move. It's about men not being horrible sleazy creeps and women either putting up with or downright encouraging it!

MMmomDD · 27/11/2020 19:44

OP - if you think that just because your BF is in a relationship with you he seizes to see other women as sexual beings - you are kidding yourself.

You are both connected to these neighbours of yours on Instagram. They aren’t some porn stars he decided to follow in secret.
They put up some pictures that you consider a bit too sexy.

Whether or not he clicked ‘like’ - he and the other men saw those pictures and most likely thought ‘hot’. Whether or not they clicked ‘like’ doesn’t make much difference.
Men and women sexualise each other - it’s a normal natural reaction to someone putting a revealing picture on social media.
But it’s also just a picture, one glance to a feed and move on sort of thing.
No need to feel jealous or insecure.

Lamppostcat · 27/11/2020 21:26

MMmomDD it’s nothing to do with the natural human response of just noticing someone is attractive. There’s a big difference between thinking yes that persons attractive and actually going out of ones way to hit some silly live heart to let the world , including said woman , your partner and all and sundry know you have a hard on for her .
It’s called having respect for ones partner and showing respect !
For some reason there seems to be a certain type of woman who thinks expecting men to behave with any semblance of manners or respect is wayyyyy out of line when it comes to their dicks
Sorry but you’re just wrong
Finding someone attractive is one thing and yea we all do at times . Taking the next step to actually announce it to the world is immature and disrespectful to ones partner ( unless of course you have discussed it with your partner and come to an agreement which clearly he hasn’t )

Josuk · 28/11/2020 01:54

To me, the post reads a bit judgy.
OP and her partners are both connected to some neighbours Instagram. I presume for a while and those neighbours women put all kinds of pictures up.
OP’s partner likes pictures on social media, as this is what people do these days. Doesn’t mean much most of the time.

But those women happened to put some picture that the OP didn’t like as in her opinion they were too sexy.
But - they were a picture in Halloween costume, and someone in a tight dress.
So - OP judges those women as being inappropriate, and wishes her partner didn’t see those pictures. But, in my opinion, this is more of an issue with OP’s jealousy and a bit of cattiness.
As someone said - those weren’t some porn stars he was following. Those were neighbours, in regular clothes they wear and post.

Clicks on pictures don’t announce a man having a hard on. This is just silly.

Lamppostcat · 28/11/2020 02:05

Josuk . The hard on is obviously a euphemism . It seems unlikely the partner would be posting likes on men in sexy Halloween outfits now doesn’t it ... so he’s announcing his ‘ attraction. ‘ to the women .
Calling the OP judgy is interesting . It would seem to me that it’s in fact the partner who’s being the judgy one here . Assessing whether women’s bodies and appearance are worthy of Little love heart likes
It’s amazing isn’t it how’s mens superficial appraisals of women’s bodies is never considered judgemental or inappropriate yet the minute a woman is uncomfortable with it she’s suddenly catty, jealous and judgy, mysogyny much ???

Rybvita · 28/11/2020 02:06

@MMmomDD

Posts like this make me wonder - who has the time to try to police what your partner is doing/liking. And why??? What do you think would happen once he liked the pictures - those women would go weak at their knees and throw themselves on him? Alternatively - let’s say he didn’t click ‘like’, but merely saw the pictures and thought they were hot. (A normal reaction to for a human to a sexualised image.) Then what?

All you would achieve by raising it with him is for him to tell you it’s nothing, and for him to feel that you are watching him. If he were to want to do something inappropriate - he’d just hide it.

If I were you - I’d not make it an issue. Or if you must - I’d make a joke. Or, even better - show him some pictures of sexy men on your feed. (Liking then probably won’t make a difference as he is unlikely to be monitoring your clicks, it seems to be what women do)

Raise your standards for men. Seriously.
Lamppostcat · 28/11/2020 02:27

I’m sorry to say there’s a cohort of people who seem to think that any woman who expects men to behave in a way that is in any way respectful to their wives or partner is way over the top . Unfortunately this cohort includes not many men but also some women who seem to be stuck in the 1950s Women are decorative and should keep their big mouths shut Smile

Lamppostcat · 28/11/2020 02:34

It doesn’t include not many men ... it includes not ONLY many men but also some women .... point being that women can be just as mysogynistic as men

Original poster
Ariesbaby89 · 28/11/2020 03:47

@Josuk

To me, the post reads a bit judgy. OP and her partners are both connected to some neighbours Instagram. I presume for a while and those neighbours women put all kinds of pictures up. OP’s partner likes pictures on social media, as this is what people do these days. Doesn’t mean much most of the time.

But those women happened to put some picture that the OP didn’t like as in her opinion they were too sexy.
But - they were a picture in Halloween costume, and someone in a tight dress.
So - OP judges those women as being inappropriate, and wishes her partner didn’t see those pictures. But, in my opinion, this is more of an issue with OP’s jealousy and a bit of cattiness.
As someone said - those weren’t some porn stars he was following. Those were neighbours, in regular clothes they wear and post.

Clicks on pictures don’t announce a man having a hard on. This is just silly.

I have absolutely nothing against the girls, they looked lovely but the photos were revealing.. it’s perfectly fine for them to post these pics, I have an issue with my OH. Not them!
OP posts:
Original poster
Ariesbaby89 · 28/11/2020 03:49

@Lamppostcat

Josuk . The hard on is obviously a euphemism . It seems unlikely the partner would be posting likes on men in sexy Halloween outfits now doesn’t it ... so he’s announcing his ‘ attraction. ‘ to the women . Calling the OP judgy is interesting . It would seem to me that it’s in fact the partner who’s being the judgy one here . Assessing whether women’s bodies and appearance are worthy of Little love heart likes It’s amazing isn’t it how’s mens superficial appraisals of women’s bodies is never considered judgemental or inappropriate yet the minute a woman is uncomfortable with it she’s suddenly catty, jealous and judgy, mysogyny much ???
Thankyou! I have not once said anything bitchy regarding the girls, I’ve stated that the pictures were revealing. I too before my relationship had similar pics and certainly haven’t said a nasty thing about them! I’m also not jealous...
OP posts: