OH liking other women’s pictures on Instagram... am I being unreasonable?

[Ariesbaby89]

I usually tend to not care, as my partner has liked completely normal pics of women before but the last few weeks he’s followed 2 certain women who live in our area (never been friends with though) and has liked their pictures. They’re not average pictures one is her Halloween outfit dressed as a sexy angel with a lot on show and another is a woman with her cleavage popping out of a very mini dress. I am usually not the jealous type but these pictures are quite raunchy and they do show a lot of skin. Both girls live near by. Am I being stupid?

If me expecting my partner to not sexualise other women Is be being bitchy, catty and judging then you’re the perfect stepford wife!

I am not happy with my OH liking explicit photos of other women, if that someone Is local (which is way worse than a pornstar they’ll
Never meet!) then yes I have a big problem with it.

@Woolwichgirl

Another one of these post yet again..sigh..

Shocker- you don’t have click on the thread and you certainly don’t have to comment!

Ariesbaby90 please don’t let the those name calling you and trying to make you feel you have to be ok with unacceptable behaviours . It’s certainly not too much to expect your partner to behave in a respectful manner and not announce his sexual attractions to other women when he’s in a committed relationship
We all look , we all find others attractive , MOST of us know that we don’t need to go beyond that quick glance or mental acknowledgment to send little love hearts , build spank banks or whatever . Not saying your partner was doing that , but the mentality today seems to be that men so NEED this variety and women should suck it up . If that’s the case then men would men be ok with us going out and declaring our emotional feelings for neighbours if we thought they were great catches - so long as we didn’t touch ?

Yup everything Lamppostcat said!

OP - if you think that just because your BF is in a relationship with you he seizes to see other women as sexual beings - you are kidding yourself
I entirely accept DH will find other women attractive.
I wouldn't accept him adding/following random women from our area and liking suggestive or raunchy/releasing photos of them.

The first is human nature. I also notice men I find attractive.
The second is frankly odd and disrespectful.

I don't think expecting your partner to refrain from adding random women in your area on social media is a particularly high bar.

No. He's crossing the line and the fact they live close.

See, one can appreciate photos without actually liking them, except he does. Liking lets those women know who liked their photos and a chance to contact him if they're interested. I think this behaviour is a big liability.

The fact they live close makes it much worse*

Hmm

I'm guessing they got several likes and won't even notice your OH clicked the button.
They will look at the number of likes.

I'd worry if he is engaging them into more personal friendships, or trying to meet.

OP maybe you should post your sexy pics back up. See how he likes that.

@Lamppostcat

You have some interesting and quite bitter attitude to men and social media. Seeing hard one and wank banks over Instagram and clicks is interesting and telling. I am sorry for whatever happened in your life to cause this.

But this isn’t OP’s situation. OP is just being a bit possessive and marking a bit of territory here. She keeps saying she isn’t judgy or jealous - but she just can’t see that this is how it comes across.
Saying that ‘when I was single I also posted pictures like that’ is a clear example.
And again - those women’s clothing being ‘too revealing’ is OP’s judgement, not a fact.

OP - you can of course be all territorial around your man. It’s your right and your choice. But at least admit it to yourself.

What is it that you actually reacting to?

• You don’t want those women, or others on social media see that your boyfriend put a like to some women’s post? Is that because it may mean that he isn’t properly with you?
• Or do you (deep in your heart) want him to not look/notice at any women at all - but can’t admit it as you know how it sounds?

What I am trying to get is a bit of self awareness as to your drives/insecurities.
If you aren’t jealous - and feel secure - why are you bothered? What threatens you? Or is it purely the appearances and ‘what would others think’?

Sorry Josuk but it’s you who has quite a weird attitude in my opinion not @lamppostcat. The vast majority of women do not expect someone they are in a committed monogamous relationship with to go around commenting on or liking pics of some random of the opposite sex in sexy outfits. It doesn’t mean we aren’t all aware our partners can appreciate an attractive person or notice them, it’s just plain good old fashioned manners, which sadly seem out of fashion amongst some people and I’m sure contribute to making folks feel pretty insecure — I’m sure you will say that’s their problem — no it isn’t- partners shouldn’t be doing stuff that creates feelings of insecurity if they really care

[quote Josuk]@Lamppostcat

You have some interesting and quite bitter attitude to men and social media. Seeing hard one and wank banks over Instagram and clicks is interesting and telling. I am sorry for whatever happened in your life to cause this.

But this isn’t OP’s situation. OP is just being a bit possessive and marking a bit of territory here. She keeps saying she isn’t judgy or jealous - but she just can’t see that this is how it comes across.
Saying that ‘when I was single I also posted pictures like that’ is a clear example.
And again - those women’s clothing being ‘too revealing’ is OP’s judgement, not a fact.

OP - you can of course be all territorial around your man. It’s your right and your choice. But at least admit it to yourself.

What is it that you actually reacting to?

• You don’t want those women, or others on social media see that your boyfriend put a like to some women’s post? Is that because it may mean that he isn’t properly with you?
• Or do you (deep in your heart) want him to not look/notice at any women at all - but can’t admit it as you know how it sounds?

What I am trying to get is a bit of self awareness as to your drives/insecurities.
If you aren’t jealous - and feel secure - why are you bothered? What threatens you? Or is it purely the appearances and ‘what would others think’?[/quote]
Lol nothing ‘happened in my life josuk . I simply know that many men have wank banks and many men use social media pictures for such . Why do I know this .... ? Because I’m not an idiot
I’m sorry for whatever in your life made you such a woman hater Josuk . I’ve read many of your posts in other threads and your mysogynistic attitude is a common thread

Are you a man Josuk? Or just burdened with a ton of internalized misogyny?

If you aren’t jealous - and feel secure - why are you bothered? What threatens you? Or is it purely the appearances and ‘what would others think’?
I see, women who expect their partners to behave with respect and refrain from following random women in their area is a sign of jealousy?
Ok.
Your misogyny runs throughout your posts.

There is a difference between liking photos of women you know and are friends with vs following strangers know your area, looking at suggestive photos and liking them.
There is a difference between finding members of the opposite (or same) sex attractive and going on social media actively seeking interaction with local people outside your relationship.

Either you can't tell the difference (which is worrying) or you seem to think women should have no standards and compete to be the most permissive in order to please their man.

Not a man, but often mistaken for one here.
I just don’t get the need for controlling social media use and worrying about my partner finding someone other than me attractive.
It will happen, just like I can see and appreciate other men that are attractive.
These days - likes on SM mean nothing other than ticks meaning you have seen the post. And it feels teenage to obsess about it.

But - more importantly - OP specifically said she isn’t jealous or insecure over the ‘likes’ - but then can’t really explain what it is then actually bothers her.

@Lamppostcat - you seem to be on a crusade against men and their wank banks, which to you appears as some huge issue. Not sure why this post is part of the crusade, as even the OP isn’t suggesting that her partner is doing any of that sort.

But here on Earth - not sure it’s really such a big issue. Porn is easily available - for both men and women’s masturbation needs, so banks of any sort aren’t hugely necessary.
And as to people putting suggestive pictures on social media - I don’t think they can be surprised if such images end up being used in that way. What other reason is there to put pictures of that sort on your SM?
This is why mine is full of landscapes, peta and cute things my kids do.

@Josuk

To me, the post reads a bit judgy. OP and her partners are both connected to some neighbours Instagram. I presume for a while and those neighbours women put all kinds of pictures up. OP’s partner likes pictures on social media, as this is what people do these days. Doesn’t mean much most of the time.

But those women happened to put some picture that the OP didn’t like as in her opinion they were too sexy.
But - they were a picture in Halloween costume, and someone in a tight dress.
So - OP judges those women as being inappropriate, and wishes her partner didn’t see those pictures. But, in my opinion, this is more of an issue with OP’s jealousy and a bit of cattiness.
As someone said - those weren’t some porn stars he was following. Those were neighbours, in regular clothes they wear and post.

Clicks on pictures don’t announce a man having a hard on. This is just silly.

This.

Not a man, but often mistaken for one here.
It says a lot about the amount of misogyny you show then.
I just don’t get the need for controlling social media use and worrying about my partner finding someone other than me attractive.
It's not about controlling social media use.
It's not about worrying a partner might find someone attractive
It will happen, just like I can see and appreciate other men that are attractive.
Nobody denies this.
These days - likes on SM mean nothing other than ticks meaning you have seen the post. And it feels teenage to obsess about it.
Liking a post does not mean you have seen the post. It means you like the post.

But let's play along and say it really does just mean you're letting someone know you've seen the post. Why would anyone (male or female) in a monogamous relationship need to follow random people in their local area, scroll through to more suggestive photos of phones that are revealing, and make sure that the random person in their local area knows they've been looking at their photos?
🤷‍♀️
That just sounds like oddball behaviour.

josuk how many photos of half naked men do you like a day ?

tutuwbx

Josuk I think you need to look a WHY your continuously ‘ being mistaken for a man ‘ hmmm

Regardless of wank banks porn etc . I’ve stated many times and I’ll state it again .... it’s about RESPECT

What is it that makes you feel women are not entitled to expect their partners to show them the respect of not publicly liking suggestive photos of other women ?

Being mistaken - or rather accused of - of being a man on MN just highlights that here there is only one way to think/feel/be for a woman. And anyone else who differs and sees things differently is wrong. Or worse - a man.

It is widely known that men and women get vastly different advice and attitude here on MN and it’s hardly balanced.

But back to the post. There are no naked pictures he liked. BOTH he and OP follow these women who they both know.

It’s not like he is randomly connecting to people - both OP and him are being social online with neighbours.
She doesn’t mind him interacting by liking pictures of dresses she approves of.
She didn’t like the sexiness of Halloween outfit.
Interestingly - she said she herself used to put up pictures ‘like that’ when she was single. But yet she denies being judgemental or jealous.

I think anyone is entitled to feel the way they do - but its also important to understand and self-reflect and question oneself. And in the end of the day - being insecure and controlling won’t make anyone happy and will impact on a relationship.

Being mistaken - or rather accused of - of being a man on MN just highlights that here there is only one way to think/feel/be for a woman. And anyone else who differs and sees things differently is wrong. Or worse - a man
Far from it.
I've been agreed with and disagreed with on relationship threads and have never had anyone think I was a man. There's a lot of robust discussion on here and it's very healthy.

People aren't saying being a man is a bad thing, many men aren't raging misogynists. But those who tend to display misogyny as disproportionately male, especially when they come onto a predominantly female board and start patronising women or saying women are unreasonable for having standards.

If you regularly find people wonder if you're a man then it's probably a sign that your posts are routinely filled with misogyny.

@LolaSmiles

It’s not always about misogyny.
Mostly I don’t think highly about men and wish women stoped defining their worth by how their men are.

And I also strongly believe people need to first start with their own self/confidence and not expect to be propped up by partners.
And finally - that in a relationship it’s pointless to try to mark territory and control the other person as it’s totally pointless.
Your partner had chosen to be with you, and so have you. While the two of you meet each other’s needs - the relationship works. And when that changes - it breaks down.
No amount of controlling your partner would change that and make them stick around.
(Getting upset about clicks follows into this pointless territory for me)

And yes - sex for me is a fun activity engaged by two people - not something given by a woman to keep a man.

But thinking this way gets me confused for a man often. And yes - when that happens - it’s said as a way to dismiss my opinion as a man’s opinion carries less weight on here, generally.

Josuk
It sounds like your whole approach rests on the idea that having standards and expressing those standards is controlling.
And that women having expectations is a sign they lack confidence 🙄, so instead to holding their standards they should just be more confident (aka choose to lower their standards to whatever a man might want them to be).
And that challenging actions is also controlling and trying to change your partner (aka give men a free pass to do what they like)

Basically, women should smile nicely and either accept a man doing whatever he likes, or she should leave.

Josuk I can’t disagree note that there is only one way to think one mn . I’ve also agreed and disagreed with many opinions on here .
You’re not just called a man now are you , you’re actually called a mysogynist . Not just by me but my many others . Why is that
You do realise that you don’t need to be a man to be a mysogynist . Yes women can be too
Lola is right , you seem to think women have to just suck it up
Women are not stupid . The partner was expressing sexual attraction for someone publicly . OP is uncomfortable with that and has a right to be .
If the man was expressing the same types of likes for 89yr olds , men and others then maybe the picture would be a little her ‘ insecurity ‘ as you keep try to say BUT it wasn’t . It was selected for a like because of his attraction and that is where he should have stopped himself and realised that hey I’m in a relationship , I can notice attractive people but why announce it . How would it make my partner feel and what it to be gained from it
You havnt told us how many revealing pictures of men in the neighbourhood you like each day ?