OH liking other women’s pictures on Instagram... am I being unreasonable?

[Ariesbaby89]

I usually tend to not care, as my partner has liked completely normal pics of women before but the last few weeks he’s followed 2 certain women who live in our area (never been friends with though) and has liked their pictures. They’re not average pictures one is her Halloween outfit dressed as a sexy angel with a lot on show and another is a woman with her cleavage popping out of a very mini dress. I am usually not the jealous type but these pictures are quite raunchy and they do show a lot of skin. Both girls live near by. Am I being stupid?

I’ve seen friends husbands liking other women on Instagram; having other woman sit on their laps at the works do; sharing porn between them; speaking disrespectfully about their wives e.g. ‘she’s a bit of a nag’, ‘She used to be good fun didn’t you love’, ‘remember that girl at the airport love, she had some great baggage pahahaha’.

Unless all they do on Instagram is liking scantily clad women, I really don't think it is the same thing as everything else you listed.

That is the question here.
Whether he liked these women among many other likes, or if they hardly ever like anything on Istagram but clicked like for them. (although, and again, they will hardly have noticed, probably)

DBML
The things you have listed are nothing at all the same as the ops husband liking a picture of a mutual acquaintance on instagram though.

The only men I know who do this have cheated on their wives/partners or have cheated on past partners. There's a certain "type" who does this and there's a certain "type" of woman who puts up with it.

Decent, respectful people simply don't do this kind of thing. It's embarrassing for everyone involved.

@Lweji @Cheeeeislifenow

It’s all the same: sleazy, cheesy, unattractive and creepy behaviour in my book.

It wasn’t like the op’s partner liked a picture of their mutual friend Jo’s graduation photo. He was creeping.

@Lamppostcat

Not a man, but often mistaken for one here. ‘ I just don’t get the need for controlling social media use and worrying about my partner finding someone other than me attractive. It will happen, just like I can see and appreciate other men that are attractive’

Josuk you just outted yourself as a man !!!
Why lie ???

I assume Josuk meant "other than my partner whom I mentioned in the previous sentence" not "other men than me, who is secretly a man."

I think it’s all become a bit presumptuous that women who allow this are downtrodden and under the thumb and men who like scantily clad pics are scumbags that will cheat.

As I’ve said before, I go to a gym where we all get on very well and if another gym goer (male or female) posts a pic, I often like it as a ‘well done’ as much as a ‘bloody hell, you look good’. The gym owner himself is always posting half naked pics of his rippling abs and often has women liking the pics and commenting how good he looks and other such comments. Lots are happily married and in relationships - some even bring their partners to the gym and have them train there too! I’m sure many people of both sexes will look and think phwoar but it’s a bit of fun and an ego boost I suppose for those that have worked hard to look good. It’s not serious or disrespectful. No one has an issue with this (including partners).

My DH has trained at various CrossFit gyms and they have both sexes training together and often people will like and comments on each other’s pictures because they’re encouraging. I know my DH has made comments like ‘looking good’ and likes their pics. He is not a cheat or a womaniser. He (like me) recognises that some people have put lots of effort into looking good and it’s a harmless compliment. I’ve said to male friends in person that they’re looking good and my DH has said the same in person to female friends. Nothing sinister in that - just people being kind and honest. Credit where credit is due!

Rgy3250999
Context is everything.

If people all attend the same fitness venue, upload fitness photos and praise each other and build each other up then that's fairly obviously different to liking posts of random people you're not friends with. I couldn't care less if DH liked photos of his friends in their sportswear. Equally I couldn't care less if he liked a holiday photo of his friends.

Both DH and I have no problem saying male and female friends look good. We've both liked photos of friends training and we both follow sports and fitness people in our various areas. We are secure and trust each other. I know neither of us would be happy with the other liking revealing or suggestive shots of random men/women in our area because it's disrespectful. What possible need is there to tell random people from your area that you like suggestive or revealing photos?

Given the OP has said that she has zero issue with liking bog standard social media photos and interacting with women, it will be interesting to see if OP's DP likes and/or comments on these women's day to day posts or whether he exclusively feels the need to inform random local women that he likes the photos that are more revealing.

Social media is a curse to many relationships. I'm not a member of the cool wife brigade, I expect a high level of respect from my DH.

It's up to you what your standards are. And you don't have to justify them to anyone other than yourself.

Lola Smiles, the reason I used the gym as an example is because clearly these aren’t strangers if the OP is also following them. Unless they both have some unhealthy obsession with complete strangers from their area.

I have liked pictures of blokes from my gym that have posted and haven’t really been friends with them - they just happen to go to the same gym. There have been friends we’ve made through training that we have then liked other photos of and yes, some have been dressed up for nights out - both men on holiday with their abs out and women in a bikini or off on a night out. They may be wearing skimpy things but I see this the same as saying ‘you look nice’. I wouldn’t have an issue with my DH saying to a female we knew that the exercise is paying off or she looks nice, any more than he would have an issue with me telling a male friend he looks hot with his shirt off. I don’t want to jump into bed with him, it’s just a compliment and acknowledging that someone looks good.

When did commenting on the male or female body all of a sudden mean that you want to shag them or you’re not trustworthy? Maybe it’s just where I live but I know lots of friends whose partners comment on friends pics and say ‘looking good’ or dare I say it, even make the odd crude/tongue in cheek joke! We don’t put out keys in a bowl and spouse swap but maybe we’re more open minded and less insecure.

And before anyone yet again says they aren’t friends - why would anyone be following a random person who happens to live in your area, unless you’re a friend/friend of a friend/acquaintance etc?

Rgy3250999
The OP says they aren't friends with these people.

It raises questions as to why either of them are following people they aren't friends with, but liking these women's photos is clearly very different from liking a friend's photo or liking a photo of a shared hobby.

I haven't said that commenting on the male/female body means you want to shag them. I think it's weird and disrespectful for someone in a monogamous relationship to be sending signs to random people in their area that they like their revealing photos. If you aren't friends then it isn't a friendly boost, if you don't have a shared hobby or interest then there's no 'looking good'in the context of the sport, so what's the deal?

I agree that social media causes so many problems in relationships. I am with OP on this one. Why has her partner even followed these women? Would he follow them if they looked plain and frumpy? I think not. I would not like it one bit. I am friends with my partner on fb and can see he doesn't even like the pages hot female celebrities, he did have some 'friends' that had only fans pages. When we became fb friends I did grill him about this and made him unfriend, I do believe him that he added them when he was single.

My partner doesn't use Instagram but I wouldn't like it if he was liking photos of random local women!

OP needs to follow some men and do the same back.

@notrightbutok

Why is the op following them? Her dp should only like pictures of direct family appropriately dressed?

A couple of years ago I was selling Avon, I added a load of girls in my area to connect and ask if they wanted a catalogue etc. This is when I added most of my instagram and Facebook friends.

[quote Cheeeeislifenow]@notrightbutok

Why is the op following them? Her dp should only like pictures of direct family appropriately dressed? [/quote]
If you had read my previous updates you’ll see that I have no problem with my OH liking normal pictures; think of a work selfie, by a nice car etc. Not dressed as an angel with underwear on and wings.

@Lweji

I’ve seen friends husbands liking other women on Instagram; having other woman sit on their laps at the works do; sharing porn between them; speaking disrespectfully about their wives e.g. ‘she’s a bit of a nag’, ‘She used to be good fun didn’t you love’, ‘remember that girl at the airport love, she had some great baggage pahahaha’.

Unless all they do on Instagram is liking scantily clad women, I really don't think it is the same thing as everything else you listed.

That is the question here.
Whether he liked these women among many other likes, or if they hardly ever like anything on Istagram but clicked like for them. (although, and again, they will hardly have noticed, probably)

He isn’t mad with the like thing, he likes normal pictures but not every single day. If he was a serial liker I probably wouldn’t think much of it!