OH liking other women’s pictures on Instagram... am I being unreasonable?

[Ariesbaby89]

I usually tend to not care, as my partner has liked completely normal pics of women before but the last few weeks he’s followed 2 certain women who live in our area (never been friends with though) and has liked their pictures. They’re not average pictures one is her Halloween outfit dressed as a sexy angel with a lot on show and another is a woman with her cleavage popping out of a very mini dress. I am usually not the jealous type but these pictures are quite raunchy and they do show a lot of skin. Both girls live near by. Am I being stupid?

Not a man, but often mistaken for one here.
‘ I just don’t get the need for controlling social media use and worrying about my partner finding someone other than me attractive.
It will happen, just like I can see and appreciate other men that are attractive’

Josuk you just outted yourself as a man !!!
Why lie ???

Oh I see you are claiming your a woman who likes on other men’s pictures

Well you do seem to have solid knowdge that your partner does not care less about what you do but this OPs partner either didn’t know about her feelings on him liking revealing neighbours pictures or didn’t care . THEREFORE he should have considered her and should not have done it
I’ve come to realise that when people are enmeshed in the pornified culture where women’s bodies ( and it’s rarely men’s up for the same level of scrutiny ) are up for constant appraisal and evaluation on sovial media you never change that sense of entitlement . They tend to think it’s the natural course of things and woman just have to play along .You can’t change this type of distorted thinking . Women literally become objects to look at and either award with a little heart or pass by .
OP I’d advise you to ignore and go with your own thinking . There’s a whole group pressuring women to be men’s playthings and turn a blind eye to this behaviour , you don’t have to buy into it or believe your not deserving of a partner who considers your feelings . You are
Entering into any type of debate with such thinkers sees them pulling out their only very weak defences . They attempt to devalue you and call you insecure weak or whatever
YOU are the string one for expecting to be treated with respect . Those who crumble to this and think women are somehow worth their bodies and to be evaluated and that the partners should shut up are the weak ones . Falling for the media crap . Sheeple .
You just keep doing you . Talk to your partner . Good luck

Yeah it's disrespectful. Not long ago, I put up a pic of myself on Facebook, it was abit revealing and I'd clearly made an effort that day to look good, I had many likes from men... guess what? My partner didn't like it!!! He was upset, said it made him feel insecure and doesn't want me posting photos of myself like that... so I pointed out he likes other women's photos that are the same if not sexier... and also does make comments sometimes of women on tv ect.whats the difference? He admitted he was wrong, he felt silly and now is far more considerate. I am too.

Tell him. Tell him you find it disrespectful, if he says it's not a big deal then he won't mind not liking a pic.

@Josuk is seeing adding a "like" as a private thing a bit like saying "phwoargg!" to yourself as you see a fit person. Or possibly a very mild sort of communication, a bit like making an ambiguous or mildly flirty comment to a colleague, with very clear boundaries in the relationship and well-understood by both that there is no intention of following through

Others on this thread are seeing adding a "like" as a one-to-many communication, either "telling everyone you fancy someone while your wife is STANDING RIGHT THERE", or even worse/additionally, a one-to-one, pointed, communication; "Starting a flirtation without boundaries by telling someone you fancy them, who knows where it might go?"

They are two different conceptions of social media. I incline to the second interpretation, I would expect my DH to have the wit to interpret it like that too.

I personally feel it’s a bit of a storm in a teacup. If the biggest problem in a relationship is a few likes on social media - and it is literally a few it seems - then honestly this is not a catastrophic problem. I don’t see this as disrespectful at all, I really don’t. Likes are cheap - it means very little. Policing your partner’s social media usage however seems over the top - seems edging into possessive territory.

Yesterday there was a thread about a saucy postcard being offensive.
I'm glad I was young in the 70's and 80's, Instagram seems far worse to me.
At least the men and women on the postcards were just cartoons!

josuk

You've not answered my question about how many photos of naked men you like or alternatively how many times a day your partner clicks a heart on other women's provocative photos.

If you don't want to share that info to back up your posts and standpoints then I don't think you've a dog in this fight and really are just blathering on about nonsense tbh.

I don’t see this as disrespectful at all, I really don’t. Likes are cheap - it means very little
Can we stop focusing on whether a 'like' means much?
The OP has already said in her OP that she has had no issues previously with him liking photos of women!

If people genuinely can't see a problem with a man in a monogamous relationship following random women who live in their area (who they have never been friends with), then browsing their feed, finding photos that are revealing/suggestive and sending a signal (in this case via a like) that they like how the women look then some people set the bar way too low for their partners.

How would you all feel about a man in a monogamous relationship approaching random women in a local pub who he doesn't know and are dressed up in their going out outfits and telling them he thinks they look good?

I'm still wondering how many of the posters berating the OP are adding random men from their area and informing these strangers that they like their photos. 🤷‍♀️

First of all, I’ve already stated I am NOT insecure. I agree that everyone finds other people attractive regardless of being in a relationship - whether you act on it is another thing.

Josuk - I am not jealous about these girls, I have stated that they looked very nice! I have said these photos where revealing (I stated a fact). I have an issue with my OH and his lack of respect for me. These photos do show a lot of skin and whether the girls noticed him or not, I noticed and I am not happy with him having to be so direct about sexy pictures.

To anyone else that said I am possessive, please go back and read my updates. I haven’t purposely checked if my OH has liked any women’s photos, I saw it on their feeds as I have them too. I have also stated that I have absolutely no qualms about my OH liking ‘normal’ pictures. Anything that shows a lot of cleavage, bums or a lot of skin in general obviously will piss me off.

I feel like Josuk expects women to lower themselves to please men. I will NOT do that. I am allowed to feel angry that my OH has liked revealing pictures, as I think in a committed relationship there is absolutely no need to let that person know you like that picture! That’s a form a communication.

Ariesbaby89 don’t let accusations of you being insecure from the likes of josuk bother you . It’s literally all they have to come back at any woman who objects to the way women have become so overly sexualised and our appearances critiques given or not good stars online
They wish to continue this behaviour so how else to they defend it other than to call women who call them out names .
The fact is I’m pretty sure none of them would appreciate it if their partners were posting likes on the hot seductive pictures of the next door neighbour unless they were into the cuckholding fetish . You need to remember so many people are in fact into that , porn has really seen its popularity rise . So why on earth would those people have an issue with their partner liking revealing pictures of neighbours if it turns them on .
I’m not of course saying that anyone who had the opinion it’s ok had a cubkolding fetish . I’m just pointing out that there are people of all different sexual varieties who are going to respond and it pays to remember that being called a prude or insecure is really meaning less when they could be measuring you from a bar that is not one you would be comfortable settling your own sexual standards by anyway

OP - nowhere did I ever suggest that there needs to be some sort of lowering to please men. Not sure where this is coming from.

But - looking at you with some perspective of years - dating, marriage, kids, divorce, new relationships post kids - I do hope that younger women felt more empowered and less scared of losing their men to other women. It seems to bring so much angst to so many women - and social media just feeds it. (Posts like that pop up with certain regularity)

Lamppost above keeps on her crusade about porn and sexualisation of women. Important issues - of course - but not what you write about.

You don’t object and understand that a sexy picture on SM would be recognised by your partner as such - a sexy picture. (And vice versa of is true of course - bring on Sexy Santas I say...)

What you do object is what you see as communication by clicking ‘like’.
And on that people differ. For some - me included - ‘like’ is more of a perfunctory, lemmings-like act we all engage in while online.
You, on the other hand, think it’s communication and you don’t like it.

And this is where I hope one day you’ll be strong and confident enough to have it not bother you, because life is really too short.
The reason you are angry at those clicks is really a deeply hidden fear of losing your partner to someone else. Your mind subconsciously wants to prevent possibility of ‘communication’ leading to something more....

But - in a a good and strong relationship - both partners should be able to interact and communicate with other people without it threatening the relationship. I can give a compliment to a man - say a colleague has a nice new sweater that shows off his shoulders - without there being any deeper meaning. Same with my partner.
We don’t need to be constantly proving our commitment.
I think because we are in a different phase of life - both already had kids before we met - there isn’t this need/fear/territory marking for us.

So - I do hope you and your OH figure out some sort of truce over SM usage...

Has he liked any others of their 'normal' pictures? Or is it just literally the sexy ones.

It may be that hes trying to be friendly and chucks people a 'like' every so often without looking too closely.

Wouldn't be for me I'm afraid ! I'd be having a word

‘OP - nowhere did I ever suggest that there needs to be some sort of lowering to please men. Not sure where this is coming from.’

It’s coming not from your direct suggestions but from the implications of your very mysogynists posts that are scattered all over mn
A quick search finds you consistently told you are an underachieving MAN who seems to be on a crusade to make women shut up and be ok with potn and the sexualisation of women in general . It made me laugh that you call me the one being on a crsucafe when you literally have a lengthy very very lengthy history here of mysogynistic and pro porn pro women settling for men seeing them as objects attitude

But then again I’m sure anybody who has been here for any length of time knows about Josuk distaste for women have the self esteem and confidence to speak out against men objectifying then

@Lamppostcat

Which of your issues with my views is relevant to the OP’s post. 🤷🏻‍♀️
And why is it all about porn with you all the time? Did OP mention porn?

There is more than one way to be a woman.
And I don’t think you understand the term misogynistic.

Or else - you aren’t actually bothering to read what I say.

It is, of course, easier to just put a dismissive label on me, and keep saying I am a man. Because once you say it enough it may become true?

No Josuk this poster IS related to the ‘porn culture ‘ where women become commodities to be evaluated and their bodies to be assessed and rated . Your conments on this and many other thread which are either in the rating of women’s bodies through likes OR porn ARE invariably mysogynistic in that they tell women it’s harmless and that they are overreacting . I’ve literally read where you have argued how trivial women are being in other posts over and over and how they should ‘find self esteem ‘ to not let it bother them
Instead of looking at it through the lease of men should take responsibility of being respectful and women’s concerns are completely rational and valid . It is in fact a sign of self esteem to speak out against things that are disrespectful and demeaning . STOP telling women they are lacking self esteem because they won’t tolerate disrespectful behaviour !
I’m done arguing with you . After reading where you’ve literally been told to go away and stop your women hating posts on other threads I’m certainly not going to entertain your rubbish any longer . Take your misogyny elsewhere .

And yes Josuk I understand EXACTLY what you are ‘trying to say ‘ you are trying to say that the onus is on the woman to ‘ control her feelings ‘ which you label as insecure and unreasonable rather than requiring the man to control his behaviour and be respectful !

THAT is the perfect definition of misogyny btw !

@Lamppostcat

Two likes on two pictures that the OP didn’t like. Not a pattern of ‘behaviour’. Quite trivial, really.
Pictures other women chose to put up on SM. Revealing outfits, by OP’s account.
So - those women wanted people to see and like.

But - let’s follow your strong convictions and crucify OP’s partner. Let him answer for all the wrongs of menfolk.

You use misogyny as synonymous for anyone disagreeing with you. Or maybe it’s your favourite word.

You appear to be new on MN. But you are a good addition to the more ranty cohort.
Whatever issues brought you over here - you can always find likeminded people here.
Welcome.

Lol don’t need your welcome Josuk but thanks anyway lol . The ranty cohort haha ...I guess that included women who don’t bow down to your 1959s ideas .
You really could benefit through some education. Once again dismissing the OPs concerns by calling it ‘ two likes on a picture the OP didn’t like ‘ no Josuk that wasn’t the issue . The issue was the likes on pictures on neighbours specifically because they were revealing pictures and the is disrespectful to the op as his partner
Wow after all this you still don’t get it . You are causing so much damage to people by minimising their feelings and telling them that’s it’s just pictures ‘ they didn’t like ‘. So you dismiss men so disrespectfully
You are a disgrace

OP, you’ve said you both follow these random women in your area but don’t call them friends so why are you following them? Are they celebs that happen to live locally or is there some other reason strangers would follow them?

My DH follows some of my friends (now joint friends I suppose) and will click like on their posts, including sexy pics - as do I if they look good. Shock horror, my friends that post these pics don’t feel objectified by the likes, they are quite happy for people to like them and give them a confidence boost. Generally it’s those feeling insecure that post such pics and therefore they’re normally quite happy to receive likes from anyone. My DH may look and think some photos are raunchy or sexy but so what? Most of it is smoke and mirrors on social media, with my friends normally looking pretty normal without making an effort.

I follow quite a number of gym friends, both male and female. Both post pics with skin on show, showing off their bodies and I like posts of men and women. I sometimes even comment on male pics saying they are looking good because it’s true and they have dedicated themselves to exercise to achieve this. When I read the original post, I did wonder if these ladies were perhaps gym goers as it has become normal for them to post body pics showing off their physique and lots of people, both men and women, will like their posts. Yes it might be a sign that they look attractive but also an admiration of their efforts to work on their body.

And yes Josuk I understand EXACTLY what you are ‘trying to say ‘ you are trying to say that the onus is on the woman to ‘ control her feelings ‘ which you label as insecure and unreasonable rather than requiring the man to control his behaviour and be respectful !
Well said.

The expectation for women to control their feelings instead of men behaving with respect is everywhere in life

Eg. It's just a like so you need to get over it.
He was just being friendly so why are you insecure.
He was only giving you a compliment, why are you so up right?
It was just a joke. Some women can't take a joke.

What do you mean you think I'm misogynistic? I dont think you know what that means. I just think women should sst their own feelings to one side in order for men to behave how they want. They can always leave but men will always behave this way so they might as well get over it

It's nice to see that women with standards that include the men in their life being respectful are apparently the rant crowd though.

I completely agree with Josuk. You are also following these people op. They probably just showed up in his feed and thought "they look good, like".
Would it be any different if it were a celebrity? It does seem a little possessive to me to policing a partners sm. You either trust them not you don't. And I think it's not really about respect as such is it? More so you don't want him reaching out connecting to these women IRL? Too close to home? Anyway, you either trust him or you don't, and if you don't you have bigger issues than this.

I think any woman who accepts this behaviour from men has extremely low standards.

I’ve been with my husband a long time. Although we’ve not had a conversation about it, DH understands how to show respect where I’m concerned and treats me how he would like to be treated.

I’ve seen friends husbands liking other women on Instagram; having other woman sit on their laps at the works do; sharing porn between them; speaking disrespectfully about their wives e.g. ‘she’s a bit of a nag’, ‘She used to be good fun didn’t you love’, ‘remember that girl at the airport love, she had some great baggage pahahaha’.

My husband wouldn’t even think about it. He’s extremely respectful and extremely grateful for what he has and I would accept nothing less. If he wanted to publicly perv on other women or belittle me, he could jog on. I treat him with the same respect in return and we are very happy.

I wouldn’t overlook creepy behaviour for a quiet life or to look like the cool wife.