Men who don’t want sex - why?

[Confusedfuture]

I keep reading threads about sexless marriages or relationships - where the man doesn’t want sex. Why would this be?

Is it a myth that men always want more sex than women?

I suspect they don't want it at home because they are getting it elsewhere.

Yes if course it’s a myth.

Some (maybe most) men like a lot of sex, as do many women.

But there are plenty of men who don’t have a particularly high sex drive.

It is definitely a myth, or at least not always the case. I had a much higher sex drive than my ex, which eventually led to us splitting.

I suspect they don't want it at home because they are getting it elsewhere.

Same for women?

Lots of reasons why some men sometimes don't want sex, often very similar to why some women don't.

Age, working a tiring job, not wanting your kids to hear, general lack of oomph - it’s the same for men as women. I’ve gone through periods where I’ve wanted it every day and patches where I’ve no interest in sex at all.

I’ve never had an affair or been “getting it elsewhere” but, during the times when it’s not interested me, I wouldn’t have looked twice if Cindy Crawford had draped herself across my lap and told me it was a once in a lifetime deal.

This is fucking stupid comment. Are men not allowed to have varying desire in the way women do?

@Confusedfuture

I'd imagine men don't want sex or have a high sex drive for all the reasons women don't want sex or have a luw sex drive. Surely this isn't hard to grasp?

Probably for the same reasons many women don’t.

It is a total myth. I do wonder if men have a lower boredom threshold than women when it comes to LTR’s though.

In my case I was married to a bloke with (still) undiagnosed ASD. Took me 15 and a bit years and a shed load of therapy to realise and I'll never get the best years of my life back, but at least I have an answer

Women sometimes dont want sex due to hormonal imbalances, issues with their partner, health issues, lack of time, tiredness, stress etc.
Why would you think any of these issues wouldn't also apply to men?

Mine doesn't want sex. He takes medication which makes him impotent. The counter medication not only takes away any spontaneity but it leaves him with a really bad headache for hours. He is constantly worried about his ability. He definitely isn't getting it anywhere else. He hasn't left the house since the beginning of March.

premiumhob which medication is he on?

thesnootiestfox was there sex in the beginning? I read somewhere that men with ASD often end up sexless in relationships. What did your therapist say?

Well of course its a myth that ALL men want sex more than women you think every man on the planet is the same? There are loads of reason why a man might not be interested in having sex. What a weird question.

@Confusedfuture yes but it wasn't great - usual excuses about being tired, stressed, once this wedding is over you'll be beating me off with a big stick etc. Then virtually nothing, starting the wedding night which actually didn't happen for 3 months. I wanted to get it all annulled but it wasn't like today where I could just google on my phone - id have to have admitted my husband would sleep with me. Add in coldness, lack of empathy, no acknowledgement of xmas or birthdays and the whole damn thing was grim. My therapist is working on me beating myself up for not leaving earlier more than anything.

Christ no wonder men feel under pressure and the male suicide rate is so high - is there this societal expectancy that they just want to shag all the time and then if they don't they think there is something wrong or they get the piss taken out of them.

Try thinking in human terms, male and female humans. Some shag lots, some don't. That's it!

With some men, it can be a porn addiction. Too busy wanking to want sex with a real woman.

thesnootiesrfox sorry to hear about your experience but please don’t be hard on yourself. Some people live an entire lifetime of what you went through - you still managed to leave, well done

Seems to me that your question is poorly worded, OP - did you mean that your partner has stopped wanting to have sex as often, and you're wondering if it is most likely that he has another woman, and wondering what other causes there could be?

Should have been thesnootiestfox

Op, are you asking this to justify why your boyfriend is so shit, as you've discussed in your other post? His lack of sex drive is the least of your problems. Dump him and move on.

I’ve been in lots of relationships where the man has gone off sex. And I’ve also been the one who has gone off sex myself. Lots of reasons. Tiredness. Stress. Can’t be bothered. Not interested etc etc. The media makes us all think sex is the be all and end all and in real life a lot of people just aren’t interested in it.

One of my exes didn't cause he smoked so much weed.

As others say. Men are different. Getting older, stress, tiredness etc and people just have varying sex drives.

A PP said maybe men get bored quicker in LTR with the sex but I read something that said the other way around. Men tend to stay cheerful but women get bored with the men.

Aquamarine1029 Partly - because I think it’s a ruse, and there’s another issue. But also because I read about so many sexless relationships and marriages on mumsnet - it’s widely said that men love sex and want it all the time, but that doesn’t seem to be true, so I wonder why.

Men can not want sex and it doesn't mean they're damaged, or that they're unhappy in their relationship (or cheating!). Men are not a one-size-fits-all category.