Bf unsure

[Confusedfuture]

I’m 35, he’s 40. Been together 15 months.

Told him from the start I was looking for a husband to start a family with. Didn’t seem to put him off. He was very keen in the beginning and said he loved me a few months in.

Yet 6 months later he was unsure as he didn’t know if he fancied me enough as I put on some weight. He seems to have an avoidant attachment / commitment phobic behaviour whereby in previous relationships he’d always find a fault with his partner. Not sure if he’s even aware of it.

Few months ago, I asked him if he loved me, and saw a future with me, he said he does potentially - he just wants me to work out more.

It’s been hard to work out at home, I struggle with the motivation side. When I have the vaccine, I’ll be back at the gym.

But I do worry about the longevity of this relationship. I’m a size 12, my BMI is still healthy, I’m just not as toned as before. He won’t have sex with me but I doubt it’s my weight - he seems to have ED.

What will happen when I have babies?

I’m told I’m a very attractive woman and when I met his friends, they told him he should marry me immediately! Ie suggesting I’m a catch.

Otherwise things are ok between us.

Just wondering even when I get back into shape, will he still be non commital?

Am I being deluded that this relationship will lead to marriage? Surely shouldn’t he know now if I am the one for him? If so, I’m clearly not?

I’ve broken things off a few times but he’s desperate to stay together.

I’m looking for possible solutions here please, I know most of you will say LTB, but he’s everything I’m looking for except this

• which I know is a big deal, I’m not going to minimise.

It’s hard to come across men I actually like at my age. There are obviously many good parts to him, otherwise I’d have left by now.

Just trying to see if there’s a way forward here and if anyone else has gone through the same.

Thanks

Gosh maybe you're made for each other??

I wasn’t going to let him think he’s some kind of god who can talk to me like that. He needed bringing down to Earth and to realise he’s not perfect himself. Don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

He will find another excuse, and another and you'll suddenly be 40 and staring infertility in the face.
Leave.

This man sounds horrible. I would never let a man, let alone my OH tell me how my body should be. I have put on a bit of weight since meeting my OH and I can tell you now, he makes me feel sexy, even when I don't particularly feel it in myself. Do not settle for some limp gimp telling you you need to do anything to please him! You are worth much more!

He sounds awful, men who love you dont think like that and would certainly never say it. You deserve better, everyone does.

@Confusedfuture

Have you told him his ED is a turn off for you and you would find him more fanciable if his penis worked properly? No, of course you haven't, because you're not a twat.

**

Actually, I did. I didn’t want him to think he’s the near perfect man he thinks he is.

I despair of both of you then. Sounds like you hate each other.

He will destroy your self esteem. He's already started to

I despair of both of you then.

Er, ok then. Thanks for that. Makes a real difference.

CorianderQueen

He will destroy your self esteem. He's already started to

**

Thankfully I’m not letting him. Anyone can see I’m a great catch for him. I know I’m more attractive. Either he genuinely doesn’t fancy me or it’s all a ruse. Regardless I know it’s not great.

It’s always bloody something with men...

Well I'm sorry but he is calling you fat, you are letting him and you are being equally as unkind back. I just don't for the life of me understand why two people who clearly dislike each other would be together?

I have been with my bf the same amount of time as you and if he ever criticised the way I look (or anything else about me) I would be gone like a shot. I'd rather be on my own with my self esteem intact.

I don't think this is a relationship made in heaven. You've broken up already, admitted that he finds fault with every partner, he's told you he isn't sure he fancies you and you have criticised him back for his ED yet he's "everything you are looking for". I'm not trying to be unkind but I can't believe anyone would have that low standards for themselves op.

Then why are you asking these questions? Obviously, if he doesn't fancy you now then he won't after children and I can't see how the relationship could last.

He's not a great catch for you though.
That's the important part.

You talk about your age like you're 90. You're a young woman!

Dump this loser. Block him everywhere. Him begging to stay together is so unattractive.

Sounds like a horrible relationship if you have to put each other down to ensure one doesn't get one over the other.

Grim.

Stick around if that's what you want OP, but no sane person would knowingly sign up for that.

He’s a superficial numpty who is insecure about his own inadequacy, so he’s deflecting by raising your size as an issue, but it’s not.... just get rid, he will only get worse.

Good god woman what are you doing?!

He's AWFUL!

The writing is on the wall. You know this. If you stay you'll be dragged down even more, I'd you chose to have a baby with him well you were warned.

You're only a size 12 fgs!!! It's one thing if you were so morbidly obese you couldn't actually move without a crane, but this is ridiculous.

He's blaming his ED on you. Sorry, being with a man who can't get it up, because apparently he doesn't fancy you enough, is the seventh circle of hell. You'll be mopping up your self esteem in a few years with him.

The man you end up with needs to think you're a sex goddess he can't wait to ravage! Definitely in the first few years at a minimum. Do you really just want a good mate and to go sexless for the rest of your life? Surely, you realise a few pounds don't impact a man's attraction to you. If it does, he's got some deep seated issues about women and his own sexuality.

Has he had instanced of ED before you apparently put on all this weight that's turned him off?

Also, if he does have ED that he isn't doing anything about, why on earth are you still with him?? He's only 40 - that's 40 more years of no sex. Do you really think having a husband and a child will make up for how rotten and unfulfilled you'd feel staying with him?

So he’s got ED that he isn’t going to do anything about, but it’s your fault, as you aren’t a toned enough size 12 for him to fancy? God how depressing. A woman reduced to putting up with this 💩 and thinking he might be ok if she improves herself. Please tell me he is normally a sex god who has a chiselled jaw and six pack. No? Didn’t think so!.... he’s negging you. What a scumbag.

I can only say this from past experience, the longer you stay, the more painful the break up. He is not a good man to stay with, no matter what his good points are. All men have good points and these can be the reasons we stay invested. It's very difficult to hear I know, but your head is telling you this is not right. I wish you all the best

JurassicParkAha

Has he had instanced of ED before you apparently put on all this weight that's turned him off?

Yes - he’s always only been able to perform in the morning, never any other time.

Sack him. His dick is unreliable and he's nasty to you. And a controlling bastard who wants you to 'work out more'.

Possibly Sowerby or Hebden?

I too thought Hebden.

How more shallow can he get?..You really want to spend your life with someone like this.???

HailtomyTeeth

What does this mean?

Possibly Sowerby or Hebden?

🚨 🚨 🚨. You deserve somebody who loves you unconditionally. Nothing less