Bf unsure

[Confusedfuture]

I’m 35, he’s 40. Been together 15 months.

Told him from the start I was looking for a husband to start a family with. Didn’t seem to put him off. He was very keen in the beginning and said he loved me a few months in.

Yet 6 months later he was unsure as he didn’t know if he fancied me enough as I put on some weight. He seems to have an avoidant attachment / commitment phobic behaviour whereby in previous relationships he’d always find a fault with his partner. Not sure if he’s even aware of it.

Few months ago, I asked him if he loved me, and saw a future with me, he said he does potentially - he just wants me to work out more.

It’s been hard to work out at home, I struggle with the motivation side. When I have the vaccine, I’ll be back at the gym.

But I do worry about the longevity of this relationship. I’m a size 12, my BMI is still healthy, I’m just not as toned as before. He won’t have sex with me but I doubt it’s my weight - he seems to have ED.

What will happen when I have babies?

I’m told I’m a very attractive woman and when I met his friends, they told him he should marry me immediately! Ie suggesting I’m a catch.

Otherwise things are ok between us.

Just wondering even when I get back into shape, will he still be non commital?

Am I being deluded that this relationship will lead to marriage? Surely shouldn’t he know now if I am the one for him? If so, I’m clearly not?

I’ve broken things off a few times but he’s desperate to stay together.

I’m looking for possible solutions here please, I know most of you will say LTB, but he’s everything I’m looking for except this

• which I know is a big deal, I’m not going to minimise.

It’s hard to come across men I actually like at my age. There are obviously many good parts to him, otherwise I’d have left by now.

Just trying to see if there’s a way forward here and if anyone else has gone through the same.

Thanks

OP no! You will forever feel insecure with him, worrying about if he still loves you, comparing yourself to other women, no!!! Please don't do this to yourself, you deserve a man who loves you as you are now, not if you lose some weight. God some of these men out there! They make me so angry!

Oh come on! WHY Would you stick around?!?! He is negging you 100% and if isn't already, will be controlling. Run.

I didnt read the whole OP as I didnt need to. If you want marriage and DC time to dump him and move on. You have a small window now. When I met my DH in my 30s it was a whirlwind and there was no doubt about what we both wanted. Your too old to waste your time with a non committal twat

MMmomDD when we were having sex, he could only do it in the morning. No other time. I suspected ED because a few time he went flat. I suggested viagra and he instantly dismissed it, but months later I found a new packet in his drawer - so I think he knows he has issues. Also if he was horny during the day, we had to do it there and then, otherwise he’d lose it. He was a virgin until 31 years and had little sex experience. A close male friend said all this talk about my weight is clearly a ruse...

Eckhart

He's judging your worth based purely on how fuckable he thinks you are.

Do you want to be valued for that, or do you think you have other qualities that deserve a look in?

**

He does say he loves everything about me, I just need to tone up.

Get rid. ASAP

beavisandbutthead how long did it take you guys?

What he’s actually saying and doing to you is cruel. Denying you a sexual relationship because you don’t fit his physical ideal.

Do you really believe if you ‘just toned up’ all would be well, he would suddenly fancy you, have sex with you and have babies?

Confusedfuture we had moved in together within 3 months and had a baby within a year and a half. When you meet the right person it should not be hard. Good luck going forward

infinitethings

What he’s actually saying and doing to you is cruel. Denying you a sexual relationship because you don’t fit his physical ideal.

tbh his body is far from ideal and I’ve told him he’s hardly a spring chicken or a Greek god

Do you really believe if you ‘just toned up’ all would be well, he would suddenly fancy you, have sex with you and have babies?

I put this point to him and he said yes!

beavisandbutthead

I have told him that at our age things move quickly but he said people all work to different timelines...

Well he doesnt have to worry about his timeline being that he is a man, however you have a time limit.

Has he specifically told you of all these things he loves about you? What are they? Does he mention them more or less often than that you 'need to tone up'? Does he go into detail about what he loves about you? Is he regularly complimenting you on your wit and intelligence? How he admires the respect within your friendships? How he thinks your work is amazing, and how he loves your dedication to it? Because if he is, 'You're a bit fat, though, love...' sits out of place, and should surely be taking a much smaller role in his thoughts of you, shouldn't it?

Have you asked him why he feels you need to tone up?

Have you told him what he needs to change about himself? How did he respond?

I'm a right fat twat but my DP thinks I'm gorgeous. I wouldn't be with any man who didn't - especially if I was a size 12 FFS!

Bin him off and find someone else, or you have a lifetime of feeling self-conscious ahead of you, not to mention a shit sex life. You deserve better. Hell, a sperm bank would be better at this point.

No, no, no. He's judging how much he fancies you on what you look like?
Tell him to fuck off, he'll only get worse

Is his for real?! No one can be that desperate to be loved, surely?

Does he know what when women have babies their bodies grow and don't always (hardly ever) go back to how they were before? Will he berate you then too?

Does he know that ANYTHING can happen to any of us at any time which affect our bodies and/or our health. Will be berate you if someone thing out of your control happens to you? If it happens to him will he expect unconditional love and attraction from you?

Have you told him his ED is a turn off for you and you would find him more fanciable if his penis worked properly? No, of course you haven't, because you're not a twat. He on the other hand is very much so and I can't believe you are even giving someone like this the time of day.

'NEED to tone up'
You're a size 12. TWELVE.Don't let this piece of shit start making you view yourself as some kind of hideous huge gargantuan 'thing'. But that's what he's aiming for, he wants to make you feel as insecure as he feels about his dick, about himself and his life

Thats not what love is, or care, or kindness or honesty or security. He can't tell you he loves you because of some of the skin over your body needs to be laid a teensy bit tighter over some muscles?? Think about it. Utter nonsense. He doesn't love you at all, and he's unable to be attracted to you after you've put a bit of weight on.

Don't waste any further time on this massive insecure man child.

Have you told him his ED is a turn off for you and you would find him more fanciable if his penis worked properly? No, of course you haven't, because you're not a twat.

**

Actually, I did. I didn’t want him to think he’s the near perfect man he thinks he is.

your updates make me despair. How did I know he wasn't going to be a chiselled olympian himself?

Please stop wasting your time on this man.

He sounds like such a horrible person.

‘Near perfect?’

I didn’t want him to think he’s the near perfect man he thinks he is

Neither of you has any respect for the other.

End this, OP, and have a look at what you want a relationship to bring to your life.

He is a nasty price of work. If you tone up there will always be something else you need to improve and so on and so on until you will have wasted all your child bearing years on this useless cruel waste of air.
He doesn't want to accept that he is the one with problems ie Ed and is trying to make you feel bad, if you stay he will wear you down so much you don't recognise yourself any more.

Fuck what size you are and how toned you are. Your a strong beautiful woman and deserve a man who treats you with respect and loves you for you and not the size of your wobbly bits.

Fucking hell this thread has made me gasp.

OP you want to live happily ever after? Bin this dickhead and you’re a whole lot closer to that.

So he's told you he'd fancy you more if you toned up even though you're only a size twleve.............

"Have you told him his ED is a turn off for you and you would find him more fanciable if his penis worked properly? No, of course you haven't, because you're not a twat."

Actually, I did. I didn’t want him to think he’s the near perfect man he thinks he is.

......... and you've effectively told him you'd fancy him more if his penis was more reliable???

Gosh maybe you're made for each other??

How long after the babies are born will you be expected to tone up?

Get fucking well shot of this prick!