Can secret extra-marital relationships go on for years?

[PerplexedCat]

Can I ask people's opinion on how likely it is that an extra-marital relationship between a married man of 20+ years and a single woman could carry on for several years without the wife having a clue, and for the relationship to survive (perhaps in a different form) after her marriage to another man?
For info, I am the wife in this scenario.

Oh, it's only be 2 years though - not sure how long this will carry on.

So the marrying someone else while carrying on with the married man is not me. Sounds pretty weird TBH. Is it a financial thing perhaps?

It happened to me!
She was one of his female friends ( he worked in a female heavy Enviroment) and funnily enough the only one I didn't like!
He once picked me up to from work to attend a funeral and she was in the back of the car - I kid you not!
I was suspicious, but he denied it!

Charles and Camilla (though if the Crown is accurate, Di had a good idea what was going down).

Yes, it can.

If, for example the 'affair' or 'secret extra-marital relationship' is mostly emotional (text messages, etc)when the husband/wife aren't around and only physical as and when it can be. If neither have any expectations of the other or make any demands of each other. If it's not about love but filling a void or gap that the marriage might leave.

As someone else said, people like this are often good at compartmentalising both lives/relationships.

I know someone who was having an affair with a married woman before he got married. He invited the other woman to his wedding and she came with her husband! They carried on seeing each other after the wedding.

Are you the poster with the husband with the celebrity Instagram friend?

One of my (single) friends has been having an affair with a married man for over 10 years, possibly 12 or 13, I can't remember.

They became business partners about 2 years into the relationship so they have an excuse to spend lots of time together and go on business trips etc. Her flat is very near their shared office so they go to hers after work before he goes home.

How his poor wife doesn't know I have no idea. She must suspect something.

@Changethetoner

Charles and Camilla (though if the Crown is accurate, Di had a good idea what was going down).

Prince Charles most likely

I think it's always gone on. I think now it's easier to catch people out through social media and find my iPhone type apps.

OP I hope you're OK.

I've recently uncovered my husband of 24 years has been having a 3 and s half year affair with a woman almost 20years his junior.
He works "away" alot and so did I and very random shifts.
He wasn't actually away as much as he said he was. He was holed up in her house less than 2 miles from our family home.
I know people are laughing and pointing the finger at me for not realising. To be fair we both had full on jobs and careers. Mine took me out if the country and across the UK. I was away a fair bit.
Covid, lockdown and my redundancy and his slow in work highlighted his extra marital affair. I suspect he would have carried on undiscovered for a while longer had Covid not happened.

He moved in with her a few weeks ago. My whole life feels in tatters right now tbh.

@BunnyBoilerRhian that's horrific. I really hope nobody is laughing.

@OverTheRubicon

Absolutely.

Friend's husband not only did this, but fathered the OW's eldest daughter (unbeknownst to the OW's husband) and was named her godfather. Unsurprisingly he was also a bit crap at doing his duty as a godfather, so worst of all, my friend ended up unknowingly buying birthday and Christmas presents for her husband's love child until it all came out very explosively about a decade later. 15 years, they'd been having the affair, and would probably still be going if they hadn't got caught out on a 'business' trip.

Jeeeeez! That could be played out in a duff duff pub scene in Eastenders! In fact I think it already has! Nowt so queer as folk and nothing but NOTHING surprises me any more when it comes to how people behave. My question is how many of those long term affair situations still involve sex? I can understand, although not condoning, the lust aspect and the excitement etc. etc. when an affair begins but if it goes on for several years then is the sexual side still hot and steamy? Bloody Nora I think I will go and make a cup of tea.

Yes I do if both parties involved are committed to keeping it secret.

And to answer the question- a friend of mine's father had a very long term affair, I think it was at least 10 years. He travelled to another town for work once or twice a month and she worked at the other office and just came back to his Premier Inn with him. Stupid twat had an absolutely beautiful family, plenty of money, great kids, and my friend's mum was a really lovely woman who thought she had a brilliant marriage. My friend always used to tell me about the lovely times they'd had and how cute her mum and dad were together, they seemed to have a really loving and respectful marriage. Turns out the stupid twat was on the shag of course, and because his wife wasn't stupid, he's ended up in a crappy flat and none of the kids want anything to do with him

@JacobReesMogadishu

I know someone who was having an affair with a married woman before he got married. He invited the other woman to his wedding and she came with her husband! They carried on seeing each other after the wedding.

Those people you knew ----

Was his name Charles and was hers eeeerrrr D _

Hiding in plain sight comes to mind there.

BunnyBoilerRhian, nobody should be laughing at you, that is horrible!

People who manage long term secret affairs must have occupations which give them time and space to conduct the affair. Obviously those in business who travel but also the police, doctors and the fire service are known for affairs because they don't work regular hours and often cannot be pinned down.

Ha ha, no. But now you mention it yes, similar arrangement. She wouldn't leave her husband apparently. Even though her lover begged her to.

My BF’s dad did it. He owned up to about 20 years which would conveniently mean it started when she left school. She suspects it was a lot longer than that.

The jury is out on how much my BFs mum knew, she insists nothing at all, he said they had an agreement.

They divorced and he was with the OW till he died.

@BunnyBoilerRhian nobody is laughing at you. Anyone not thinking he’s a total shit, isn’t worth knowing.

Hang on in there.

An ex boyfriend’s mum lived Monday to Friday with her married boyfriend. He went home for weekends, it went on for years and years - mostly I think because it was handy for his job.

Last time I bumped into the ex I did ask after her/them and it turns out whilst with his other family (technically his actual family I suppose) he’d had a bad heart attack and ended up in hospital, no one thought to let his mistress know, and when she did find out she wasn’t welcome to visit. He retired off the back of the heart attack and that was pretty much it. Years she spent with this man waiting patiently for him to leave his big house and wife and it was over just like that.

I never asked at the time (we were both teens) but surely the wife must’ve known? Unless she thought he was a lodger somewhere

I know of a pretty much life-long one.
Been together 30+ years, worst kept secret in our area but according to closer sources the wife doesn't know, which I find very hard to believe but the fella is very wealthy so maybe she's staying for that 🤷🏼‍♀️ the husband has put up the mistress in her own house and everything 🤮
I find it incredibly sad. I couldn't stay for the money but I'd take him for half, for sure!

2 come to mind, someone I worked with was seeing a woman that did go through with her wedding, as she didn't want to upset relatives with the money that they had paid towards it. The affair did end after a while.
Then a woman I worked with. Had got married to her partner, no kids and it came out her husband had been seeing a married woman, who had 3 kids, one was his and had passed it off to her husband as his own. Don't know how it all ended but it was awful for her.

Yes, they can. I can immediately think of two men who not only had mistresses but children with them too.

I worked with a guy who’s brother in law died very suddenly - there were three different families at the funeral - his wife and their children plus two other women who also had children with the deceased. Nobody knew about the other 2 families before the funeral. Heartbreaking.

Same story with Mitterand as French president when another women plus child turned up.

These second families are not as unknown as you might think. Awful for the first family, and terrible for the second ones too.