He's gone.

[allgoneagain]

DP and I have lived together and just over 2 years. I have a 5yo DD from previous relationship that adores him.

We have had our ups and downs, mainly due to his drinking (borderline alcoholic) and it all came to a head yesterday.

I came home at around lunchtime to find he had left work early and was sat in my lounge with a friend (idiot) drinking, both drunk. I obviously showed my displeasure because he said he would walk him home. Didn't return for 5 hours.

I was so cross, poured all the alcohol in the house away while he was out and told him it's now a dry house. He said 'yeah ok tomorrow' - I tried to pull the van of beer away from him unsuccessfully and he told me to stop being silly.

This morning he was almost normal, but came home from work, packed a few things and said "there is no going back from violence- I'm leaving"

So he has gone.

I am absolutely broken, DD doesn't know what is going on and I KNOW that it's probably for the best but my god we love him.

Also period is a bit late and slightly concerned about that- I haven't mentioned that to him yet as I don't want it to come across as emotional blackmail if I am wrong.

Sorry- lots of typos. It's still very fresh.

Were you violent or is he attempting to gaslight you into believing that you were? I don't really understand where his accusation is coming from based on your OP.

It doesn't really matter though. Because your DD deserves much better than to have her mother's alcoholic (or even "borderline alcoholic") boyfriend sharing her home. She is relying on you to create a safe, stable and happy home for her. Forget about him.

What violence was he referring to?

I think you should just sit on this. Don't contact him, just give yourself time. You said know yourself it is most likely for the best. Fingers crossed you get your period.

You have only been together two years but already had lots of ups and downs centred around his drinking.

Posted too soon but IWantT0BreakFree pretty much sums it up for me with

your DD deserves much better than to have her mother's alcoholic (or even "borderline alcoholic") boyfriend sharing her home. She is relying on you to create a safe, stable and happy home for her. Forget about him.

I think the first thing you need to do is POAS.

The 'violence' was me trying to take the can of beer from his hands, I suppose it was a tug of war more than anything. No violence- almost definitely gaslighting - and I think it's a deflection because he doesn't want to admin it's about the alcohol.

Yes @JiltedJohnsJulie but can't until the morning as no chemist open!

Sounds like a ploy to get you to grovel for him back and then put up with his drinking in future because you're worried he'll leave again.

Wouldnt be surprised if he changes his mind and 'forgives' you when he realises you wont come running.

You're better off out of it op. He has to realise his drinking is a problem and deal with it himself.

Him fucking off is a gift. Let him go. Don't let him come back if he changes his mind.

You don't need an alcoholic in your dd's life. You don't need it in your own.

I know all this- so thank you for confirming it! It's just so hard, emotionally I mean. Practically it's straightforward.

You need to get rid, don't be that desparate for a relationship person that will have any man no matter how awful and show your daughter that's the way to be.
You seriously need to find self respect and a life better than living with a drunk.
He is using violence as an excuse, you know that - what a twat. He's rather have the booze than a relationship with you.

Yes @JiltedJohnsJulie but can't until the morning as no chemist open.

Good luck for tomorrow then.

I think the others are right he's bullshitting about you being violent. You really don't need someone who behaves like that in your life or your DDs.

Let him go... he sounds awful my lovely 🌺

Yea @madcatladyforever he would.

My bloody heart hurts, DD is in bed and I have had a good cry. I know it takes time but bloody OW! Such a waste of a person.

Your probably all going to think I'm a troll now 🤦‍♀️ I've seen enough threads under many incarnations where the OP is too bonkers to be real.
I will POAS and I don't think I will be totally unhappy if it's a positive, obviously would be complicated, but I wouldn't be scared of going it alone.

I think my suspecting/ thinking about a late period is one of that things that made me announce 'dry house' and pour away the booze....

I think my suspecting/ thinking about a late period is one of that things that made me announce 'dry house' and pour away the booze. It could well be

Sending you so much love. Please don’t go back, you & DD are much better off without him. This is coming from someone whose mother stayed with an alcoholic man for twenty years. It did a lot of damage unfortunately.

@CanofCant

Posted too soon but IWantT0BreakFree pretty much sums it up for me with

your DD deserves much better than to have her mother's alcoholic (or even "borderline alcoholic") boyfriend sharing her home. She is relying on you to create a safe, stable and happy home for her. Forget about him.

Totally agree don’t take him back even if your pregnant the best thing you can do as a mother is not allowing toxic people around your kid.

Once he's drunk through his money, he'll come banging on the door, offering you the golden opportunity to apologise to him for your wicked mistreatment of him and take him back.

Don't let any pee on a stick, whatever the result, or a sad child be the way he forces himself back into your life. Because you will regret it if he does - and he'll be far, far harder to get out when he isn't using it as a bullying tool.

I don't even know where he is planning to stay! For many reasons, but COVID for one!

Yes that's very true about back as soon as the money is gone :( he is receiving the SE support payments so should be flush for a few weeks.

Why do we (sorry not all people) fall for such bastards.

Last time we fell out I pulled him up on some slightly abusive traits, he didn't like it- but did seem to take things on board. And how much of that is him and how much is the alcohol?

That's a pointless question because he won't stop drinking....

And he WILL be back because hardly any of his stuff is gone, a few days worth at most (I've only looked in the underwear drawer)

@allgoneagain

I don't even know where he is planning to stay! For many reasons, but COVID for one!

Yes that's very true about back as soon as the money is gone :( he is receiving the SE support payments so should be flush for a few weeks.

Why do we (sorry not all people) fall for such bastards.

Last time we fell out I pulled him up on some slightly abusive traits, he didn't like it- but did seem to take things on board. And how much of that is him and how much is the alcohol?

That's a pointless question because he won't stop drinking....

It's ALL him.

And where he stays (he'll probably say 'sleeping on a park bench' or 'in the car where it was soooooo cold') is not your problem. It's the natural consequence of his actions.