He's gone.

[allgoneagain]

DP and I have lived together and just over 2 years. I have a 5yo DD from previous relationship that adores him.

We have had our ups and downs, mainly due to his drinking (borderline alcoholic) and it all came to a head yesterday.

I came home at around lunchtime to find he had left work early and was sat in my lounge with a friend (idiot) drinking, both drunk. I obviously showed my displeasure because he said he would walk him home. Didn't return for 5 hours.

I was so cross, poured all the alcohol in the house away while he was out and told him it's now a dry house. He said 'yeah ok tomorrow' - I tried to pull the van of beer away from him unsuccessfully and he told me to stop being silly.

This morning he was almost normal, but came home from work, packed a few things and said "there is no going back from violence- I'm leaving"

So he has gone.

I am absolutely broken, DD doesn't know what is going on and I KNOW that it's probably for the best but my god we love him.

Also period is a bit late and slightly concerned about that- I haven't mentioned that to him yet as I don't want it to come across as emotional blackmail if I am wrong.

Pack up his stuff, message him a time and day that he needs to pick up those belongings and organize all the paperwork tenancy agreement and anything else for a life without this toxic guy.

@abitfunny I'm sorry :( I don't want my daughter to be saying the same thing in years to come.

@allgoneagain

Your probably all going to think I'm a troll now 🤦‍♀️ I've seen enough threads under many incarnations where the OP is too bonkers to be real. I will POAS and I don't think I will be totally unhappy if it's a positive, obviously would be complicated, but I wouldn't be scared of going it alone.

its not about you

alcoholic daddy gets 50-50 custody of that baby. Think about it

You did the right thing OP. However he responds you made a good decision for yourself and your DD and you should be proud of that. If he’s walked out he doesn’t deserve you. Best of luck- please let us know the results of the PT!

Have someone with you when he comes and collect his things, don’t be alone with him. He sounds like a abusive alcoholic, use this opportunity to remove him from your life. It won’t take long before your daughter forgets him by the time she is an adult she won’t know his name. If you allow him back it could damage her forever.

@carly2803 hmm I very much doubt it. I don't think he would want to.
But I see your point. And obviously would need to discuss things with him before any big decision was made.

You are a great mum, be strong you can do it .

Bag his shit up, change the lock and if he turns up like the proverbial bad penny, you can sling it out the upstairs window.

Oh, and make sure the house is secure. My particular leech climbed a ten foot wall to break in via the back door once and tried to get the next door neighbour to let him climb over their 7 foot fence on another occasion, as he claimed to have forgotten his key.

Fortunately, the neighbour knew he hadn't been around for a while and that he had been parked down the road waiting for me to leave the house that morning, so refused.

Thank you @Napqueen1234 and very good advice @Joeydoesntshare ! Thank you

[quote allgoneagain]@carly2803 hmm I very much doubt it. I don't think he would want to.
But I see your point. And obviously would need to discuss things with him before any big decision was made. [/quote]
Why? It's not his body? Unless you need maintenance I wouldn't even tell him.

[quote allgoneagain]@carly2803 hmm I very much doubt it. I don't think he would want to.
But I see your point. And obviously would need to discuss things with him before any big decision was made. [/quote]
Why would you do that?

It's your body.

Do you really want him telling you what to do with your own body? Capitalising on your vulnerability? Promising the world and then not making it to the hospital because he's too drunk to care? Fucking off for three days to 'wet the baby's head'? Being in charge of a baby out of your sight and passing out drunk whilst it cries for four hours for want of a bottle and a nappy change? Whilst he takes it into bed with him and falls asleep, with all the increased risk of death that accompanies such idiotic decisions?

Fuck that.

No I don't need maintenance, and could simply leave him off the BC?? It might be just a stress related late period - I'm possibly thinking about the that to distract myself from what's going on??

So after he 'left, I realised he had changed my tyre on his way out, which had a slow puncture- he's known about it for a few days but done nothing about. WTF is that all about- more manipulative behaviour?

Oh @MitziK that breaks my heart all over again- the thought of it :(

Oh god if you are pregnant you don't need to keep it. You could meet a lovely man in a few years and have a baby in a stable relationship.

OP I can understand you feeling bad right now but honestly I think in 6 months you’ll feel like you dodged a bullet for you and your DD.

@allgoneagain

Oh *@MitziK* that breaks my heart all over again- the thought of it :(

I'm sorry you're having to think about such things. But an addict, whether of alcohol or drugs, combined with a defenceless child, is a tragedy just waiting to happen.

Whatever the POAS reveals, I cannot tell you more strongly that, whatever you decide, it must not involve this person in any way, shape or form.

He wants you to feel guilty and beg him to come back. Don't fall for it. Block him if necessary.

I know I don't need to keep it- I am definitely pro abortion.
I think I need to be in less of an emotional state before making any decisions about a (possibly imaginary) baby- at the moment I'm feeling I would keep it, I know DD wants a sibling, I want another child.
But it's obviously not ideal and obviously our relationship wasn't that great if it's come to this.

Than you @MitziK

Earlier I deleted his number and my text and call records. Before I did that I sent a text saying basically "I think you are probably making the right decision, take care" which I hope isn't goady in any way.

Unfortunately I know his email address off by heart but he's not a big one for email....

I think you need to focus on one issue at a time. The main one is not letting this abusive alcoholic back into your child’s life. In any way. What if him walking out is just a way to train you to not questions his behaviour? You deal with realising the relationship is over.

Is a pregnancy likely? Or are you just wishful thinking to keep a connection to this waste of a man?

You didnt block his number first?

I think this is exactly what this is @TwylaSands - is it ridiculous of me to feel that he doesn't do it on purpose- well yes it is 🤦‍♀️ but that's my feeling, so it obviously works on me.

At the heart of it, this time I know he has gone because I told him there is to be no more drinking in the house.

A pregnancy is reasonably possible-

No I didn't block his number.

What if him walking out is just a way to train you to not questions his behaviour?

That's exactly what I thought was going on. And his claiming that she's violent gives him a handy guilt free get out clause when anyone asks why it's over.