He's gone.

[allgoneagain]

DP and I have lived together and just over 2 years. I have a 5yo DD from previous relationship that adores him.

We have had our ups and downs, mainly due to his drinking (borderline alcoholic) and it all came to a head yesterday.

I came home at around lunchtime to find he had left work early and was sat in my lounge with a friend (idiot) drinking, both drunk. I obviously showed my displeasure because he said he would walk him home. Didn't return for 5 hours.

I was so cross, poured all the alcohol in the house away while he was out and told him it's now a dry house. He said 'yeah ok tomorrow' - I tried to pull the van of beer away from him unsuccessfully and he told me to stop being silly.

This morning he was almost normal, but came home from work, packed a few things and said "there is no going back from violence- I'm leaving"

So he has gone.

I am absolutely broken, DD doesn't know what is going on and I KNOW that it's probably for the best but my god we love him.

Also period is a bit late and slightly concerned about that- I haven't mentioned that to him yet as I don't want it to come across as emotional blackmail if I am wrong.

We have also (as we have now spoken) got to the bottom of the 'violence' -
He explained that he felt the potential in himself to be violent/forceful if I had managed to get the can of beer of him, and that it scared him.

Is that a normal reaction @JovialNickname

He explained that he felt the potential in himself to be violent/forceful if I had managed to get the can of beer of him, and that it scared him.

Your daughter has, for two years, been living in the same home as her mum's 'borderline alcoholic' boyfriend. Not a healthy environment or healthy relationship modelling for her.

The same boyfriend has now told you himself that he has the potential to be violent towards you.

If you aren't firm on ending this relationship then you are massively letting your daughter down. Totally unfair for her to have to live under the same roof as him.

It doesn’t matter if he’s admitted he could have hit you but didn’t. That doesn’t make him chivalrous.

He needs anger management, counselling, therapy etc before he is suitable to be in a relationship with you (or anyone). He currently isn’t fit to be a step father to your child.

I assure you that if you do get back together and he does hit you or her, you will get the blame for it. He’ll just say you already know that he’s “scared of what he may do if you push his buttons, and that you pushed him anyway” etc so it’s your fault. I mean, he’s already accused you of being violent?

This relationship isn’t healthy. I’m not going to tell you what to do but it is a stupid relationship to think about staying in and a stupid relationship to bring a child into.

Yea logically I know all this- but it's all so fresh and I'm hurting.... I'm sure with time I will be over it but it hurts NOW.

Hurt isn't necessarily rational is it.

Op I’m sorry, this sounds like an awful situation and I know it can’t be easy. The only thing I think when reading this is that your child MUST come first. Having this man in her life is not good for her and you as her mother need to protect her the best way you can. She shouldn’t grown up with a borderline alcoholic seeing his negative relationship with alcohol and should have more positive examples as she grows of a good relationship and a non toxic home life. I hope you can think about this and try to give her the best childhood possible. It’s our duty as parents to do this for our children, even if it’s not easy

I'm not being a very good mum at the moment. She is fed/clean/cuddled but I am twitchy, distracted and close to tears.

@allgoneagain

I'm not being a very good mum at the moment. She is fed/clean/cuddled but I am twitchy, distracted and close to tears.

You need to make a commitment today, to yourself and to your daughter than this relationship is OVER. She shouldn't have been living with a borderline alcoholic and she definitely shouldn't be living with someone who admits a potential for violence towards you.

Make that commitment to yourself today and the pride of doing so will outweigh your sadness that the relationship is (hopefully) over.

It's no environment for your daughter to be living with an alcoholic boyfriend of her mums. You have choice and agency here - she doesn't.