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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Girl I like hung up on me, help!!!

77 replies

Matto13 · 18/11/2020 19:09

I met a beautiful girl 3 weeks ago in tinder and she added me on Instagram... We have been chatting every day so last week I decided to ask her out so I did and she said yes. As we're in lockdown she suggested to go for a drive through coffee as everything is closed. So Sunday I picked her up and we went for a coffee and chatted for 2 hours it was lovely.
After the date I dropped her off and when I got home I messaged her askwif she would like to see me again, she said yes so the next day Monday we made arrangements to meet this Friday for a nice walk.... We. Didn't speak much from then on really as she said she's been busy but Tuesday I decided to call her and she said her brother took an overdose of 20 tablets and was in hospital.. I offered to help and said I hope he's OK... In the evening I sent a voice note message as we seem to do that the most and she replied saying he's out of hospital and he discharged himself and she's keeping an eye on him at home.
So today I sent a few messages which she read and didn't reply so I called her and she seemed rude which I can understand and from the stress and she said she's on another call with her mate and she will call me back.
Me being stupid rang again after 30 mins and she buttoned me (hung up) I haven't tried to call or message since this morning so I'm Scared if I call she will do the same......what should I do I really like her she's honestly lovely but I don't want to be needy.
Should I send a voice note as a call may be rejected and a text message can be to much.... Im 37 she's 29....im gutted if she rejects me now

OP posts:
category12 · 18/11/2020 19:13

Leave her alone, she will call you or message you if she wants to be in touch. You've made it abundantly clear you're interested.

Hesfamousforit · 18/11/2020 19:14

Sounds like you are coming on too strong and she doesn't like you as much as you like her. Give her some space and let her make the next move. Although I am guessing she wants this thing to fizzle out now, sorry.

shivermetimbers77 · 18/11/2020 19:16

I think you need to give her space and let her come to you. If she doesn’t then maybe chalk it up to experience and move on.

Plumplumbadum · 18/11/2020 19:17

You're 37, and old enough to know you're bordering on harassing her. I'm pretty sure you've blown it with this woman. And you definitely will have if you contact her again. The ball is in her court now. Just wait for her to contact you.

icelollycraving · 18/11/2020 19:17

Back off is my advice.

cautiouscovidity · 18/11/2020 19:18

Urm we're in lockdown. She shouldn't be getting in your car Hmm

HelenaNightSoilCart · 18/11/2020 19:18

Yep. What the others said.

She’s not that into you. Step away and move on.

GreyishDays · 18/11/2020 19:21

@cautiouscovidity

Urm we're in lockdown. She shouldn't be getting in your car Hmm
Only England. Other areas have different rules.
Somethingkindaoooo · 18/11/2020 19:22

Her brother overdosed.
Her family is probably in crisis mode. Honestly. All you needed to do is say ' I'm so sorry, I am here if you need to talk.'
At a push you follow up a few days later with ' Thinking of you and your family'.

Dude, sort yourself. She's dealing with something big, and you want her to make small talk with a virtual stranger that she has met in person a few times?

Nandakanda · 18/11/2020 19:23

Calm the fuck down and give her some breathing space or you'll fuck it up completely - if you haven't already.

Somethingkindaoooo · 18/11/2020 19:23

And for the love of all things holy, do NOTphone/ text/ voice message to apologise for all the contact.

Do not send flowers to apologise.
Just leave her be!!!

seensome · 18/11/2020 19:25

Her rudeness means leave me alone, don't keep calling her, find another.

AtrociousCircumstance · 18/11/2020 19:26

You’re thinking about the hot woman you’ve just met.

She’s thinking about the attempted suicide of her brother and her family’s intense stress and pain surrounding it.

Sort your priorities out. Leave her alone.

GeidiPrimes · 18/11/2020 19:27

Why don't you do this beautiful woman a favour, and promise to never contact her again?

Aquamarine1029 · 18/11/2020 19:27

Ffs, do not call or text again. It's over so move on.

madcow88 · 18/11/2020 19:28

Bloody hell you sound really hard work. I hope this doesn't offend you I just want to be honest, you don't even know the girl and you're practically stalking her.

Krazynights34 · 18/11/2020 19:31

If no/one else will say it I will- you sound like a 17 year old staking his first crush. Not a good look!

Krazynights34 · 18/11/2020 19:32

Stalking, sorry (putting my child to bed)

HelloRose · 18/11/2020 19:36

Way too much contact. You need to chill. Far too much, too soon. You've probably blown it now though, sorry.

Jozen · 18/11/2020 19:39

Leave her alone. She'll get in touch if she wants to.

Mycircusmymonkey · 18/11/2020 19:44

Good lord back off a bit! To be honest calling her again after 30 minutes when she had already told you she would call her back was probably the nail in the coffin. Think you’ve shown your hand as a bit of a stalker and she’s heading for the hills!

tinyvulture · 18/11/2020 19:52

Hey man - everyone on here is being horrible to you. BUT. Leave her be for the time being. I fucking LOVE my boyfriend, but If he was in my face if something like this happened in my family I would be like, right, back the fuck off man!

Give the woman space. If she likes you back, ehe’ll be in touch. It she doesn’t, the world is full of fish.....Good luck man!

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 18/11/2020 19:56

You've behaved like a complete prat here tbh. You might think that you're being passionate or romantic or authentic or whatever by chasing her so much, but all she's hearing is "I'm a really needy male who thinks he's entitled to female time and attention whenever I want it. I'm going to be massively hard work and everything will always be about me". At 29 this woman (not a girl) will probably have met a large number of needy high maintanence males already and will be thoroughly done with that shit, especially from one old enough to know much better. I mean ffs, you're a stranger, she's having a family crisis, only someone seriously lacking in emotional intelligence would act the way you've acted in the face of that. I wouldn't see you again if I was in her position, and if you call you'll make yourself look actually nuts. Leave her alone and have a serious word with yourself before looking for someone new. If in doubt just repeat this little mantra over and over: "women don't owe me anything".

TwylaSands · 18/11/2020 20:00

Im shocked you're 37. Really shocked. Your behaviour right now is ridiculous. Bothering the woman youve been on one date with after you knew about her brother? How self absorbed are you

Rockinmomma · 18/11/2020 20:22

Seriously, 1 date and you’re behaving like this? And you’re 37!! Honestly you sound like a love bomber and I’d run if I were her BUT here’s what I think has happened. Either
a) she didn’t fancy you on the first date so is putting off a 2nd hoping you’ll give up or
b) she’s under a lot of stress atm and the last thing on her mind is a guy she’s had 1 date with
Leave her be, she’ll contact you if she wants