Girl I like hung up on me, help!!!

[Matto13]

I met a beautiful girl 3 weeks ago in tinder and she added me on Instagram... We have been chatting every day so last week I decided to ask her out so I did and she said yes. As we're in lockdown she suggested to go for a drive through coffee as everything is closed. So Sunday I picked her up and we went for a coffee and chatted for 2 hours it was lovely.
After the date I dropped her off and when I got home I messaged her askwif she would like to see me again, she said yes so the next day Monday we made arrangements to meet this Friday for a nice walk.... We. Didn't speak much from then on really as she said she's been busy but Tuesday I decided to call her and she said her brother took an overdose of 20 tablets and was in hospital.. I offered to help and said I hope he's OK... In the evening I sent a voice note message as we seem to do that the most and she replied saying he's out of hospital and he discharged himself and she's keeping an eye on him at home.
So today I sent a few messages which she read and didn't reply so I called her and she seemed rude which I can understand and from the stress and she said she's on another call with her mate and she will call me back.
Me being stupid rang again after 30 mins and she buttoned me (hung up) I haven't tried to call or message since this morning so I'm Scared if I call she will do the same......what should I do I really like her she's honestly lovely but I don't want to be needy.
Should I send a voice note as a call may be rejected and a text message can be to much.... Im 37 she's 29....im gutted if she rejects me now

Take your foot off the gas as your coming across as really needy. Leave the girl be, if she's still interested she'll contact you!

@MandosHatHair, no I haven't, and I'm very sorry to hear that you have. Hopefully your loved one has fully recovered and it's all in the past now. That doesn't invalidate my post, however, as I'm working on the basis that everyone is entitled to contribute. I realise I didn't follow what seem unspoken rules on MN (pile on if it's DH behaviour or a man posts/be supportive and offer thoughtful advice if it's a woman), but I'm sure it's not the first time someone has noticed.

The correct thing to do would have been when she told you about her bro, tell her you are sorry to hear that and wish her all the best and 'when things are ok again, feel free to give me a shout'. Not even a need offer to help. You've had one date, you aren't suitable emotional support

Exactly this, sorry OP.
So today I sent a few messages which she read and didn't reply...
Which was already OTT yet you followed those up with 2 phone calls. Next time I suggest if you don't get a reply to a text wait a few days before considering a follow up, not keep texting then calling, or you'll come across too intense. Unfortunately you've probably put her off now.

If no/one else will say it I will- you sound like a 17 year old staking his first crush. Not a good look!

I must admit whilst reading the OP I did think he was late teens and was gobsmacked when he said 37. This was a "schoolboy error" on his part and I suspect it's put her right off.

How do we mow it's a he ? Op might be a women x

@whataday12

How do we mow it's a he ? Op might be a women x

Many of us recognise this as very typically male dating behaviour.

It would be no more acceptable if the op was a woman.
Or a goat.
Or a cheese sandwich.

You harassed her! Just stop. She's let you know (yes, in an unkind way, admittedly) where you two are going: nowhere. Take the hint and leave the woman alone.

You've had one date, you aren't suitable emotional support

And also, this with bells on. You're a stranger to the woman, OP.

You've blown it. Play it cool next time.

No way would you have met with such a barrage if you were a woman, or rather, if PPs didn't infer you were a man
Um, no. We can all see OTT behaviour for what it is. If someone doesn't reply you leave them alone and keep you dignity in tact. You don't send them repeated texts and calls.
PP have actually said, if the roles were reversed you would be thinking the woman was a complete bunny boiler.

Any decent person would have sent you a quick message saying that they couldn't meet after all, not left you in the lurch like that
The entitlement here is staggering. This women is dealing with a drugs overdose of her brother, caring for him and she is expected to take care of the feelings of someone else? Let alone a one date guy! She told him the situation. It was HIS job to take care of HER feelings by giving her the space she was clearly communicating she wanted.

@blindinglyobviouslight

Wow, just, wow. Not sure what your post achieves. Just to be clear, I will continue to comment on MN, if I so please.

Just to be clear, I will continue to comment on MN, if I so please

Absolutely NOWHERE in my post did I suggest you should not.

I can only conclude that you are so entitled yourself that you think you should be able to post, and a post where you are disagreeing robustly with others, without people then disagreeing with you. Its in the nature of this site that people disagree and debate. Not quite sure how you missed that. Or how you conclude that people disagreeing with you is them somehow trying to stop you posting. Utterly bizarre conclusion.

@blindinglyobviouslight, well, I did reply to OP's post, I didn't single out another PP. Your post to me was aggressive.

I didn't single out another PP. Your post to me was aggressive

Oh for goodness sake! It is perfectly normal on here for people to reference people's points and reply to them. And I didn't even name check you! (though it would have been perfectly if I had) I responded to your arguments.

If you found it aggressive then that is for you to deal with. It is OTT to keep contacting someone who is not replying, let alone someone dealing with a traumatic emergency. It is entitled to expect someone dealing with the aftermath of the near death of a relative to take care of the feelings of a one-date man.

You can find opinions aggressive if you so choose. You can find women disagreeing with you aggressive if you so choose. That's on you.

Sorry op but your behaviour would send me running for the hills too.

If I'm going through a crisis, I may appreciate a message to offer support or let me know someone is thinking of me but most unexpected or unasked for calls would be rejected as I wouldn't be in the right place to take them.

If someone doesn't reply to you, it's not an invitation to ramp up the attempts, it more likely a message that they don't want to talk right now.

@MidnightColours

Well, I'm giving you some support, the only thing I would say is, posters on Mumsnet will slaughter anyone for any reason. I am a person who has been through more than one suicidal bereavement as well as suicidal attempts of loved ones, that doesn't make me more entitled to any opinion as some seem to think. The point is the OP hasn't, and reacted accordingly. .

The lack of empathy on Mumsnet is staggering. And if you have a viewpoint that veers in a different direction you get strongly corrected by people who think they have the right to tell others what to think. I post, as I suspect you do, to talk to the OP. I choose to speak to the OP. When some random poster takes umbrage at my words and sticks the boot in, I just ignore them.. it's like a child taking a tantrum. Better to not give it any attention. Xxx

Dont message her. Leave her alone.
Youve known her 3 weeks, yes you might like her but its not the end of the world if it doesnt work out with someone after 3 weeks.

She will come to you if she wants. If she doesnt I might consider sending her a message in a few days just saying your sorry for coming on too strong. Hope she and her brther are okay and you would like to go on a second date in the future if she would. But be clear the ball is in her court, up to her to say if and when and if she doesnt reply then you just leave it.

@blindinglyobviouslight: one last response. You called me, another poster, entitled twice. Maybe you can see that it's different from disagreeing with someone's post. You also assume I am man, I imagine because I called out that the OP got a barrage she/he wouldn't have got if some of the PPs hadn't assumed she/he was a man. So thanks for that

Op posted this thread a day after this poor womans brother took an overdose.

No one, no matter how much they like a man, wants to speak to a date in the 24hrs following their brothers overdose. Hes giving her one more thing to worry and stress over when shes already going through a stressful time. He has completely centred his own feelings, the panic that a beautiful woman wont want to go on a second date with him, and ignored her wishes. Hes shown no emotional intelligence, no empathy, completely bulldozed over this woman and demanded her attention ans her brother nearly died. I dont think posters are being harsh. Plenty of women equally get shot down on MN.

@Sally665: thanks for your thoughtful post, it's a very kind thing to do. You sound like the type of person who doesn't like to witness bullying. I don't either (and never have). Were you that kid at school who called out bullying and invited the lonely kids to come and play? Let's be friends!

She said she’d call you back. Whether she does, or doesn’t, leave her be. You barely know each other and she is dealing with a massive family crisis. You are not at the top of her list right now and not should you expect to be. Saying you are “gutted” is really OTT.

You called me, another poster, entitled twice

It is entitled to think someone coping with the overdose of a relative needs to care of one's feelings. It is also pretty sexist to say a women is not 'decent' (your words) for not taking care of the feelings of man she dated (once) when she is dealing with family trauma.

It is entitled, and hypocritical, to think you can call others arguments 'hilarious' 'double standards' 'barrage' (your words) yet take umbrage when others respond to your arguments as entitled.

Wrong again.

You never respond to my points - you just call me names.

You used mocking and scornful language about other posters.
I responded to your arguments without name checking you.
You name checked me to mock me and make baseless accusations.
I responded to you personally then as you had named me personally.

You were unpleasant about others, unpleasant about the women referred to in the OP and unpleasant to me when I disagreed with you and have been persistent in making baseless and perjorative accusations against me.

And now you are resorting to calling me a bully as name calling is all you have.