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I feel betrayed. Opinions please.

121 replies

Marlieandme82 · 17/11/2020 19:49

I just would like other's perspectives on this please and to know if I'm blowing things out of proportion.

On Saturday night my DP and I had both been drinking quite heavily. We live in separate houses and his mum was staying over at his. We were talking on the phone about very personal issues about our relationship and about a miscarriage I had with his child late last year. I was also talking to him about how I would like to ttc next month for a baby as I feel my time is running out (I'm 39).

At some stage in the conversation I realised I couldn't hear him very clearly. I think I might possibly have hearing issues anyway so put it down to that. He later admitted he had put me on speakerphone without my knowledge.

The next morning I had a real go at him as this is not the first time this has happened. The last time he did it alwas at his mum and dad's house when his mum was walking in and out of the room. He later admitted that his mum who had been in the next room had heard some of the conversation but "not all of it" and nothing to do with the miscarriage or any personal details. I'm absolutely fuming and feel so humiliated.

Then today he hasn't contacted me even by text all day although he normally would every hour or so. Apparently it was because he didn't want to burden me with his problems. Ah right, so it's ok as long as your mum isn't staying with you?! I feel he's just using me for company and as a sounding board.

Another thing that has got on my nerves is that he has recently discussed our relationship with his mum and with a female family friend if his. Surely a 34 year old makes up his own mind?

Anyway, thank you and rant over.Grin

OP posts:
Ragwort · 17/11/2020 20:29

I think you have a pretty good idea what he would be like as a Dad, you just don't want to admit it ...

AnyFucker · 17/11/2020 20:29

He would be shit as a dad

MrsGrindah · 17/11/2020 20:30

Please don’t inflict this relationship on a baby. Desperation is a shit excuse.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 17/11/2020 20:30

I'm a big believer in living separately but if you actively want a child - how is it going to work? You cannot let a tiny baby have overnights away fro you, plus you'll need support in the early months. Is he going to move in then? You already know you don't live together well, throw a baby on top of that, how long can it possibly last?

I can foresee you basically being a single parent with him dropping in for his tea and a shag a few times a week and living as a single man the rest of the time.

If you are very keen to become a parent, have you considered sperm donation? This man really doesn't sound like parent material.

In answer to your op, you are not wrong to be pissed off, although "betrayed" might be a bit strong. He should have told you it was on speaker. But I think this really is pointing to deeper problems within your relationship.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 17/11/2020 20:32

Cross posted. Have a think about what other father figures you could surround a child with. A loving and engaged grandad and uncle (your BiL if you have no other brother) would be far better than a distant and absent father.

Marlieandme82 · 17/11/2020 20:33

The reason we can't live together is DV but he blames me and says it's what I said to him and that he hates fighting. He made brains he never hit me. He didn't but he pinned me down and caused bruises on my arms and grabbed me round the throat.

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 17/11/2020 20:34

@Marlieandme82

The reason we can't live together is DV but he blames me and says it's what I said to him and that he hates fighting. He made brains he never hit me. He didn't but he pinned me down and caused bruises on my arms and grabbed me round the throat.
Jesus Christ.
Marlieandme82 · 17/11/2020 20:34

Looking at what I just wrote... What are my other options please? I realise I'm putting up with this just in the hope of having a child.Sad

OP posts:
Ragwort · 17/11/2020 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lottieis44 · 17/11/2020 20:35

You really shouldn't drink if you want to start ttc next month.

Marlieandme82 · 17/11/2020 20:35

He maintains, I mean.

OP posts:
SnoriSnorrison · 17/11/2020 20:36

@Treacletoots

A sperm donor seems to be a much better option than a bad relationship..
This in huge bucket loads!
minmooch · 17/11/2020 20:38

@Marlieandme82 are you for real?

You want to bring a child into this car crash of a relationship? You can't live together because he's violent and yet you think having a baby with him is a good idea?

I despair.

Grow up. Get out of this relationship. Do not have a child with this man out of desperation.

I hope to god this is a windup.

CandyLeBonBon · 17/11/2020 20:39

Mmm ok then

AnyFucker · 17/11/2020 20:39

I give up Confused

SandyY2K · 17/11/2020 20:40

The reason we can't live together is DV but he blames me and says it's what I said to him and that he hates fighting.

he pinned me down and caused bruises on my arms and grabbed me round the throat.

This is when you should have ended the relationship.

You may desperately want a baby, but a child wouldn't want an abusive dad.

The whole confidentiality of your conversation is really not the issue here.

Marlieandme82 · 17/11/2020 20:42

This isn't a windup, but thanks. I would be a good mother but feel like I have missed my chance. I hope that anybody else commenting in a negative way against me knows what that feels like at my age. I have tried to conceive for years and have only once been pregnant once which resulted in a miscarriage. I don't want to have a child with him per se.

OP posts:
MrsGrindah · 17/11/2020 20:45

Please please be a troll and not just incredibly stupid and selfish.

EarringsandLipstick · 17/11/2020 20:46

The reason we can't live together is DV but he blames me and says it's what I said to him and that he hates fighting. He made brains he never hit me. He didn't but he pinned me down and caused bruises on my arms and grabbed me round the throat.

Whaaat?

OP if this is real, you need to block this man & never contact him again.

Then get help for your drinking.

Then you can think about the future, and if that includes a child, or not.

Marlieandme82 · 17/11/2020 20:46

@MrsGrindah I bet you've had children and it all can easily to you. Correct me if I'm worng.

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 17/11/2020 20:47

He maintains he didn’t hit you but pinned you down, bruised your arms and put his hands round your throat!

Run!

I think talking to you on speakerphone pales into i significance compared to this.

Candyfloss99 · 17/11/2020 20:47

[quote Marlieandme82]@MobLife we did but decided it's better to live separately.[/quote]
It's better to live separately but you want to have a baby with him???

FlatulentSproutEater · 17/11/2020 20:48

Nope. Sorry - you would not be a good mother if you have set your bar so low that you would stay in a relationship like this. You need to be setting an example on living a good and productive life to your would-be child not demonstrating that any old scumbag will do and it's ok to get pissed up and let some 'man' beat you up. For God's sake. Do some work on yourself before you bring a life into the world.

MrsGrindah · 17/11/2020 20:48

Yes you are wrong.

Toilenstripes · 17/11/2020 20:48

Why are there so many desperately sad and awful threads tonight? Holy crap.

Swipe left for the next trending thread