Ghosted?! Help me compose a pithy response before I block?

[40swrinklesandspots]

We went to school together 25 years ago - fancied the pants off each other but it never happened. Fast forward and we have always kept in touch in a happy Xmas on Facebook type way.
During lockdown 0.1 we started chatting more and there was a lot of chemistry. I have just come out of a long marriage and not looking for a relationship- think he is similar.
We ended up in a very casual FwB type situation (live opposite ends of country so hard to see each other between kids, logistics, work and not to mention Covid)
But he has always blown a bit hot and cold and to be honest I’ve probably let him get away with more shit than I should have because of the attraction, sexual chemistry and nostalgia. And because he made me feel wanted and fun.
Anyway, we messaged last week and everything was cool- arranged a possible virtual date for that night. Didn’t hear from him. Fine- no pressure-
Life gets in the way. By Saturday hadn’t heard so just sent a message saying hi. No response!
Think he has ghosted Me?
Help me send a message before I block that will make me feel better?
I’m thinking ‘wow! You’ve ghosted me? Cool move dude’ and then blocking ?

Its literally been one day??

Give him a chance, a few days/week at least. Its a Sunday/weekend afterall maybe hes had a busy one.

You are sending confusing signals...you do not want a relationship but are now very bothered that he has not messaged you back since Saturday? Basically you are not ready to date anyone when you jump the gun and block as you have just done.

Just don't give him the power.

Cut him off completely and don't ever contact him again.

If he gave enough of a shit he would have let you know by now. Why bother with someone who doesn't?

What’s with this blocking stuff?

You clearly want more from this situation than what is on the table currently.
Perhaps he does to?
Why not have a conversation with him?

Don't give him the power of knowing he's hurt you, walk away with your head held high

Did you post about this recently?

Why block? You've a) given him no time at all, and b) if something has happened that has meant he can't contact you, you've given him no means to tell you. Also c) when he finds he's blocked - well you might as well have sent the stupid text. Because you've still managed to show him that he's got to you.

You sound too smothering and possessive. You are being majorly unreasonable to block him just because he hasn't replied to you within one day (ffs!). I would wait say, a month before blocking him. You have absolutely no idea what or if he is going through at the moment, and you sound heartless and selfish. There could be a reasonable explanation. He could be in hospital with Covid - anything. I'd unblock him. Life happens and if he couldn't make it to a virtual date, and you are only FWBs anyway, why does it matter?

God, this is like talking to a teenager.

You fancied him when you were 15. And you're acting as if you still are.

I definitely wouldn't message him further. In fact I wouldn't even bother to block as it implies you care. As someone else said, indifference is powerful.

Forget about him, if he messages with a valid excuse then it's up to you if you want to continue. If he doesn't acknowledge or provides some BS excuse, move on.

I think you were right to go for block without sending a text to let him know you were hurt. I have wanted to do this many times and it has been so hard not to give in but I am sure it was the right decision. I wouldn't be surprised if he does try to get back in touch. The problem with FWB is that it's a huge continuum from an occasion meet up to bordering on a committed relationship. I've never done the Minimum Standards Conversation - often because FWB happens in a very unplanned way - but I think it would be a good idea.

I think you've been far too hasty with the blocking. It's been no time at all... you're not in a proper relationship so he doesn't owe you an immediate response.

You're coming across super needy. Like imagine if it was the other way around and he'd blocked you because you didn't get around to responding one weekend. Wouldn't you think "Christ I dodged a bullet... what a headcase".

There are many reasons why he might have been MIA. I would unblock and hope he hadn't noticed and at least give him the week.

I agree @saraclara. I don’t understand the need to block. He’s not done anything ridiculously offensive. Just ignore him (which is easy if he’s not texting anyway!).

This sounds a bit overwrought, OP. Can you even have a casual FWB situation with someone who lives at the other end of the country during a pandemic?

And you don’t sound remotely ‘casual’, if you’re this upset about a week or so of no contact from him and him missing a ‘virtual date’ (which sounds pretty much the opposite of a FWB...). The whole point of a FWB is the casualness, and tbh, at this point I’m tired of Zoom conversations with my closest friends, far less ones with someone where the whole point is sex we can’t have virtually...

Saturday was yesterday?

Why would you block him? That’s actually more embarrassing than contacting him.

Blocking was hasty. It shows you’re really really hurt - plus, it hasn’t been long enough.

Why have you blocked him? What if his mum has died? And he tries to contract you? You’ll look like a right cow. Just don’t message him. You can do that without blocking him.

P.s. I do get why you blocked him though. And maybe intuitively you know that you need to block him to avoid further stress. Protecting yourself is wise if that’s the case.

@40swrinklesandspots

Ok thank you. I guess because of the history I feel more hurt than if it was some random bloke I’d known a few weeks. He was my school crush ha ha. My 15 year old self would have been blown away by our ‘relationship’

I don’t think you can do a FWB. It’s not a relationship. And Saturday was only yesterday. And even so, if he doesn’t reply that’s no reason to get het up. It’s a casual FWB thing, plus you’re at opposite ends of the country. So good call not to send him a pissy message. But I think blocking is a bit of an over-reaction tbh.

No need to block, just send no further messages. If, like someone suggested earlier, his mum has died etc, he won’t be able to contact you and you’ll look horrible

PS - I never did casual, because I’m no good at it.

Ok thank you. I guess because of the history I feel more hurt than if it was some random bloke I’d known a few weeks. He was my school crush ha ha. My 15 year old self would have been blown away by our ‘relationship’
@40swrinklesandspots you dont have a history,He doesnt even live close.
You came out of a long marriage and didnt go on like this.Dont go on like this with him.

@ShipOfTheseus

Why on earth have you assumed you were ghosted? You sent him a hi message on Saturday, and because he hasn’t replied by the next day you think he’s ghosted you and you’ve blocked him?

It’s not just that though. The OP said they’d arranged a date night last week that he then didn’t do and didn’t contact her to say why. The message on Saturday was following on from that.

The OP said they’d arranged a date night last week

OP didn’t say that. She said they discussed a possible virtual date in the week. Nothing was arranged or confirmed.

Why would you block him?