Met a nice man who is shorter and much physically slighter than me.

[yellowhighheels]

Hi all

I am not asking for a flaming here, I know it's a superficial thing. I'm more just asking what you would do.

I have been dating for 3 years since my last long term partner. There have been countless dates, several 'situationships' and short flings but not the right guy for a family and relationship which is what I want. In this time there have only been two men I seriously liked as a full package. One lived too far away and the other ghosted. I am 34 and starting to worry.

Very recently I had a couple of not very nice experiences where the men were extremely pushy for sex. I had to fight one of them off, physically.

Anyway, over the last few weeks, I have had about 5 lockdown dates (walks) and a lot of chat with a really nice man. He is very clever, funny, accomplished, kind and respectful as well as down to earth and open. He has expressed that he likes me a lot.

However, there is one thing that makes me feel awkward, self conscious and not as attracted to him as I would like to be. I am 5'6" and a size 12-14 so not enormous but definitely 'big boned' and stocky with broad shoulders and hips and very muscular thighs. I am losing weight and have dropped 2 or 3 dress sizes but I don't get smaller than a size 10-12 because of my frame.

The guy is shorter than me and is carrying a bit of weight (his own words) but has a rather slight frame. He compliments me a lot but asked my height so I know he is aware of how different we are.

Of course, I would never express my awkwardness to him but next to him I just feel huge and to be honest don't want to dwarf a man. I saw our reflection and it was noticable.

If I was just taller, it wouldn't be such an issue i don't think, its more my build.

I get that it is just a social or evolutionary norm, for men to ideally appear bigger and stronger and that there's nothing intrinsically better about it but to be honest it is a norm I have grown up with. I am also really conscious of my size as my family focussed a lot on my height build and weight as I grew up in a very negative way.

This guy is lovely. His personality is so refreshing. But I'm just not sure i am attracted because of this. What would you do?

TLDR: I have met a nice guy but feel huge next to him. WWYD?

The basic fact is, do you find him attractive. Everyone finds different things attractive, you are not being mean saying he's too small, that's just your preference, I don't find skinny men attractive but that's just my opinion.

If you fancy him go for it, no one else thinks twice about it, so it's just down to you.

Sorry to hear about pps being bullied in the past it is really shitty and nobody deserves that.

I feel ashamed saying this and am definitely getting ahead of myself but after having always seen myself as hefty and massive, my heart sinks a bit at the thought of comparatively looking that way in photos in future.

I'm 5 foot 7 and DP is 5 foot 4. Hes also smaller framed than me although I'm not huge I'm still a 12.

The difference is I fancy the arse of my dp and had the mutual attraction from the start.i dont give a shit if hes smaller than me.
If you're paranoid about his height and the way you.look next to him then hes not the man for you

Sticking my oar back in. Quoting PP but this is aimed at the posters who wouldn't date a short man.

The difference is I fancy the arse of my dp and had the mutual attraction from the start.i dont give a shit if hes smaller than me.
If you're paranoid about his height and the way you look next to him then hes not the man for you.

The problem is the OP does fancy her new man, but is becoming paranoid because being criticised during her upbringing makes it harder for her to resist external pressures.

So, posters who agree with this perfect princess stereotype, that there must be taller man/shorter woman.

What do you think if OP was asking about a relationship with a shorter woman?
Or a person of a different race?
Or a person with a disability?
I'm sure you're all muttering no no thats different I'm not homophobic/racist/disablist.

Surely it doesn't matter how a couple look physically as long as they are happy and treat each other well...

My partner is shorter than me. When I first met him I did wonder if I could date a man shorter than me. But I fell in love with his personality and looks and now I don't notice or care that I'm taller than him.

If you are attracted to him and he likes you go for it, and get some therapy for your self esteem/body image issues. It might not be conventional but look at the damage this kind of sexist thinking has done. Why can't a woman be bigger and stronger looking? Don't ruin something good for the sake of what some judgemental people with questionable morals think. Who cares about them? Be proud of who you are and your relationship.

If you’re not attracted to him then that’s the problem solved!

Yellowhighheels That is the point you see ,you see yourself as hefty and massive .Nobody else does. 12/14 dress size is hardly big! You sound lovely and I think as above PP said to work on your own self confidence .

The op said in her first post that she was not as attracted to him as shed like to be.

So she doesn't find him that attractive then? Because of his height and her own self esteem.

That's what I mean by if she doesn't feel that belly churning phwoargh physical attraction as well as feeling a connection with him then theres no point t is there?

If shes feeling any doubts about his height then let him go

I totally get what you are saying - when dating guys I only have one stipulation - he has to be taller than me. I think it goes back to the caveman times - I would have wanted to know 'my man' could protect me. (Mind you DH is taller than me and in a situation he would be cowering behind me ) - it may be shallow but it is just the way I am - he could be fat, thin, black white or green as long as he is taller than me. You can't help your mindset OP.

Jesus Christ woman are men queuing up for you so much you have to beat them off with a shitty stick? You’re 34, he’s nice. if the only thing about him is he’s a bit short than kinell woman get in there. Trust me if you want kids then niceness goes a really really fucking longer way than height.

My dh is smaller than me not by much but he has a bit of a tummy.
I was funny about it to start with but 2 years on he is the most amazing Dh. He is kind, caring, does everything he can to make my life easier and I adore him. Sex is pretty bloody good as well.
I'd say that there is more than a partner to their size.

Hi OP.. it's me again... You said something about not wanting to look 'hefty and massive' in future photos... I totally get this and sometimes (only sometimes) cringe a tiny bit.. The wedding photo on display is him carrying! me over the threshold so I don't look so obviously taller... The family photos..…? . Hahaha... We (the kids) stand him on something! There are things that we have had to deal with in our long marriage.. Our height difference has never been one of them... Only you can say if you can deal with that... I hope you can because he could be the one... PS.. He often says he'd have been snapped up if he had been taller... I got lucky!

Shag him.
If he makes you feel like a goddess, then he’s the one!
If you’re out and feel awkward, smile like the goddess you are and everyone will just be jealous. After a while, you won’t be bothered about other people.

4 Words ....
Davina McCall & Michael Douglas
They seem happy enough

Thanks people for understanding about the photo thing, I half expected to be ripped apart about all this.

I completely get it.

I’m only 5’6” but broad shouldered. I have long thin legs (size 10/12) but my build makes me feel huge next to some men.

I think when you’re with the right man, you’ll feel attractive no matter what. Why not see him again and see if the chemistry grows and makes up for his ... er... shortcomings.

I confess that I've never been attracted to men who are shorter than me; I'm 5'7 so that rules out a fair number of men. My DH of 17 years is 6'5, which suits me really well.

We all have our own type of man/woman that we're attracted to, it isn't something that we can really help.

What an amazing coincidence that 98% of women are attracted to taller men. Nothing at all to do with social conditioning.

Mums of short sons, don’t fret. Lots of us do prefer a pocket 🚀 .

I'm not fretting, genuinely.

I'd rather he stayed away from the kind of woman who worries about what they will look like in photographs.

(sorry Op, we've all got different priorities I get that, but yours aren't mine)