Met a nice man who is shorter and much physically slighter than me.

[yellowhighheels]

Hi all

I am not asking for a flaming here, I know it's a superficial thing. I'm more just asking what you would do.

I have been dating for 3 years since my last long term partner. There have been countless dates, several 'situationships' and short flings but not the right guy for a family and relationship which is what I want. In this time there have only been two men I seriously liked as a full package. One lived too far away and the other ghosted. I am 34 and starting to worry.

Very recently I had a couple of not very nice experiences where the men were extremely pushy for sex. I had to fight one of them off, physically.

Anyway, over the last few weeks, I have had about 5 lockdown dates (walks) and a lot of chat with a really nice man. He is very clever, funny, accomplished, kind and respectful as well as down to earth and open. He has expressed that he likes me a lot.

However, there is one thing that makes me feel awkward, self conscious and not as attracted to him as I would like to be. I am 5'6" and a size 12-14 so not enormous but definitely 'big boned' and stocky with broad shoulders and hips and very muscular thighs. I am losing weight and have dropped 2 or 3 dress sizes but I don't get smaller than a size 10-12 because of my frame.

The guy is shorter than me and is carrying a bit of weight (his own words) but has a rather slight frame. He compliments me a lot but asked my height so I know he is aware of how different we are.

Of course, I would never express my awkwardness to him but next to him I just feel huge and to be honest don't want to dwarf a man. I saw our reflection and it was noticable.

If I was just taller, it wouldn't be such an issue i don't think, its more my build.

I get that it is just a social or evolutionary norm, for men to ideally appear bigger and stronger and that there's nothing intrinsically better about it but to be honest it is a norm I have grown up with. I am also really conscious of my size as my family focussed a lot on my height build and weight as I grew up in a very negative way.

This guy is lovely. His personality is so refreshing. But I'm just not sure i am attracted because of this. What would you do?

TLDR: I have met a nice guy but feel huge next to him. WWYD?

Ha well at least you don't have mirror and car problems then We won't talk about cupboards and storage, I have step stools in the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom

I'm 5ft2 and a size 16/18, my boyfriend wears a mens XS and is about 5ft10. I'm VERY aware that people look at us and think it looks "wrong" or wonder how we have sex (FTR he loves it when I go on top 🤷🏻‍♀️) but I try not to give a shit. I'm attracted to him, he's attracted to me, it works.

I slept with him on our first date though as the chemistry has always been wild, so I didn't have too much time to overthink it beforehand. I think (hard though it is right now) that you're going to need to get closer before you know. I have never been able to force attraction no matter how much I like someone. Had a date a few years back with a man who was truly lovely, he was kind and sweet and funny and I wanted SO BADLY for it to work out. As soon as we kissed I knew he wasn't for me. In contrast, I had doubts about my current partner, and sort of avoided looking fully at the photos he sent me in case they put me off. But as soon as our eyes met on the first date those doubts disappeared.

Just to clarify, the step stool in the bedroom is for shoes etc on top of the wardrobe that sounded a bit weird!

we do have the car seat problem tbf i think im exceptionally short in the driving leg.

Height isn't the issue, lack of attraction is. While I always prefer taller men, I did once massively fancy a man much shorter than me. The sex was great, we got on well, and I was happy to date him. However, I have also been on dates with other shorter men, where I haven't fancied them at all.

If you're not feeling it after 5 dates, I doubt you ever will. Don't settle for someone you don't fancy just because he's nicer than previous dates. You can't force or manufacture chemistry, and it will all end in tears eventually if it isn't there.

[quote simone1863]@Lindtnotlint

There was a thread from a bloke worried about his short son not being datable as he gets older.

The responses were almost unanimously 'Oh, he'll be fine. But I would never date a guy that height, no'.[/quote]
This is why I’ve pretty much given up on online dating. I’m not short, but I’m under 6ft and whilst not bones-sticking-out skinny, I’ve got a lean build so - given most women’s natural curves - the majority will look “bigger” than me. As that’s an issue for many I’ve come to to terms that my pickings will be slim (no pun intended )

Soooo I'm in this situation right now. I'm big boned with wide shoulders and the guy I'm seeing is slight, small boned. my shoulders are wider than his. His thighs are probably the size of my arms lol. He's about a half an inch shorter than I am.

It has always bothered me and I know if he was stockier with more meat on his bones or just wider/bigger boned I would be ok with it. (Or if I was smaller boned and slim) But I end up feeling like the man when we are together. He can't put his arm around my shoulders, hugging is awkward, spooning in bed is weird cause my shoulders get in the way lol.

HOWEVER if he was an all around great guy I don't think this would matter as much. Unfortunately he's a prick most of the time so these things stand out to me.

I say take a chance with him as you may find it doesn't matter if he makes you happy. If not then move on.

If you're attracted to him then give it a go.

It would be a crying shame to let go of a man who could possibly be a fantastic husband and father due to some weird notion of acceptable norms or insecurities.

You always see loads of couples where the women are much fatter than the men .

If you do fall in love with him, you won't see it or think it - you will love ALL of him.

It depends on a particular person and how you're feeling about them, if there is chemistry and if sex is good imho.

I am 5ft8 and was size 18 when dating a guy who was 5ft7 and probably about 12-13 stones (I was over 15 stones then). I really liked his face but felt huge next to him and he just seem almost frail and delicate to me, I did not find him manly enough in person. He also liked and complemented my face but I knew he wasn't fully attracted to my body and bigger girls in general, he made some comments about his ex being large and getting tired in bed due to her size. His long term ex was a petite size 8 brunette, so the opposite of me or this other ex. Also, after 3 dates, he never tried to kiss me or touch me and this is how I knew we will not make it despite getting on really well.

Another guy I used to meet was similar size and height to him and even though I initially didn't fancy him, I started feeling really attracted him big time after sleeping together, which was a bit of an unplanned drunken event, as we didn't even date as such. The sex was that good... and it became even better with time.
We would meet on off for 2 years, the sex was fab, eventually we parted due to the fact he is much younger and ultimately wanted a family (but not with me) but we remained friends and sometimes we both do some reminiscing about how well matched we were sexually.

So again, it all depends on a person. I would see how things develop if I were you, sometimes attraction does grow with time. Also, what helped me was losing weight. I am still chubby but defo not as big as I used to be and feel so much better about myself. My confidence and feeling 'right' and 'good enough' next to any man, really, have improved a lot.

To be honest, I think its about how I feel rather than really others, that said, I can't honestly say I wouldn't feel a bit conscious about that. I think mainly because I got so much shit when younger about my build.

My bet is that you don't look half as stocky as you think you do. It would be a shame for your family to wreck your self confidence like this and then also for you to lose a chance with someone who might be great for you.

My partner is a fraction taller than me and the same weight as me. Given that he's male and proportionally more muscular, and muscle is denser than fat, this means his build is slimmer than mine. I fancy him to bits.

I learned the difficult way not to judge too much from build. I missed out on a chance with a friend who I thought I didn't fancy because he was much shorter and slimmer than I am. We had a brief fling and the sex was great, but it ended when he moved back to his home, a continent away. Had I not been so biased and got it together with him sooner, he might have opted to stay in the UK. So personally, I'd see how the sex is before deciding, but that's me.

I think the issue is you're not attracted. I used to be heightist but dropped it within hours of meeting current OH who is shorter than me; i was attracted to him! if you were, you wouldnt be asking about heights and builds imo, you'd be in bed with him ;)

Honestly, sunny it would be the fact he's acting like a prick that would be the dealbreaker here, not his physicality.

My son is one of the shortest in his year, and slender, and this thread does make me depressed with how many women will judge him negatively as a result.

I am thinking that the idea of sleeping with him to see how that is would pretty much call it once and for all, if we feel awkward in bed together then that would decide it! Lockdown permitting of course.

OP could you be seeing yourself as bigger than you actually are as you haven’t yet adjusted to your weight loss?

Personally i'd struggle.
I'm 5ft 11 and slim, and have tried dating short skinnier men, it didn't work for me as it made me feel fat and 'butch'.. but there's only one way to find out OP!

If you sleep together you know you're going to have to come back and update us

I actually really want a happy fairy tale ending for you

lockdown you might have something there, if I'm shopping for clothes (before lockdown obv), I still see the size 18s on the hanger (my old size) as looking like the right fit when actually I'm quite a bit smaller now.

Aww Scroll so kind of you wanting a happy ending for me!! I will definitely update you if I do that

Yes that happened to my friend, she lost a lot of weight and simply couldn’t accept it or see it. It took a good 6 months for her brain to catch up with her weight loss.

I once went out with a very small, slight man. He had tiny, delicate hands and used to moan if he had to go outdoors in the rain! I convinced myself he was more sensitive and caring than average. He wasn't, he was just very good at conveying that impression. He really wasn't very manly, and then he cheated on me!

I have a couple of tall, well-built friends whose husbands are several inches shorter and slighter than them.

I agree with PP’s that it’s down to your individual chemistry and nothing to with anyone else. My DH is a completely different build to me and I’ve always found it attractive. Just see how it goes and if the sparks fly, update us ‘cos we’re very nosy (esp. in this boring pandemic).🤣

Ah I wouldn't worry to much about it I'm 5ft 9 1/2 on a good day and my girlfriends the same. If she wears heels Im down at base camp. All her exes were taller big men but wankers with it. I dated a lady that was 6ft in her bare feet it really doesn't matter. Sod what the sheep say if you enjoy each other give it a go.