Is he having his cake & eating it ?

[beansbaked]

Thank you for clicking on my post .I'll get straight to the problem .My dp and I have been living together 2years .Blending families didn't come without teething problem ,but settled down now .He has now announced he wants to still have a relationship with me ,but move out into his own place .Part of me is ok & the other part feels he's being a cf.Can someone please shred some light on my side thoughts .Thank you

How quickly into dating did you move in together?

Wondering if he moved in soon because it was an advantage to him in some way (cocklodger) like cheap living accommodation ect...

But now maybe circumstances have changed.

Or perhaps he moved in too soon without thinking the implications through.

Either way I think I would find it hard not to take it as him wanting to cool off on the relationship a bit.

You've lived together 2 years? Why the change now? He's having his cake op.

It depends whether you want that too? You can both have your cake if so! It's pretty nice living separately, if you both enjoy it.

Did he give a reason? Is it the blended family part?

Yes

Tell him fine, he still contributes to the bills and you will move the Physical Trainer in.

But it's not what you want? It would be a deal breaker for me, he wants less commitment with you and still wants you around after taking it away from you, don't let him walk over you, wish him the best and embrace being single to find someone better.

What? That’s not usually how relationships work. Why does he want to move out?

@Florelei

What? That’s not usually how relationships work. Why does he want to move out?

“Usual” isn’t best for everyone.

I hated sharing space with my ex-husband but did it for 12 out of our 15 years together because “that’s what you do”. Didn’t realise how much it ate away at me until I moved out. Wish I’d done it at the 1 or 2 year mark. It might have saved the marriage.

Any reason to suspect there may be someone else waiting in the wings?

To answer some of the questions. We were seeing each other 3 years before he decided to move in .We both have teenagers .They would stay here .No there isn't anyone else .He's taking on a new job that's a 30min commute away .Exactly that I do feel he is taking away the commitment side of things .My head's frazzled.I need to speak up about how this has left me feeling, but I don't know how to go about it .Can anyone advise ? Also I am feeling what's the point of us staying together, but not sure if I'm over reacting.

So he is going to leave HIS teenagers in your home for you to look after while he moves out and lives as a single man?

You’re kidding right ?

WTF!! He leaves HIS kids with you... I'd laugh him out of the house with his kids... so he basically wants to live the single life and have another woman bring his children up - fuck that!

Sorry for the confusion .No his children won't be staying here .They have a home .In the beginning he had them 50/50, but now they're older .The need for sleep overs has cut down .He does see them on the odd day for a catch up .

So he wants you to live apart and what - just date ? Go out for meals / drinks / cinema in the middle of lockdown - how is that going to work ? (Even assuming that’s what you want).

Or does he mean that he wants to work away all week living the life of a single man, then come to yours every weekend to get his washing done, meals cooked and have a shag ? So of course he won’t pay anything towards your home because he will be “ just visiting “ and he will have his own place.

Have I got it right this time OP?

Tell him that you’re glad he’s chosen to go as you weren’t sure how to ask him to leave 😉

@S00LA .Hi .As black & white as you have written it .You are kinda right .He reckons he'll pop over in the week to see me & when he gets his place we can alternate staying at each other's houses .

Let me ask you something - when he did 50:50 cars with his kids and they stayed at yours, who did all the parenting and housework for them ?

50:50 care of course !

When his children are here .He would buy & cook their food , or if I had made a1 pot they would help themselves.50/50 was every other night .

So now you're no longer needed as childcare he doesn't need you live with you anymore. Worra wanker. A 30 minute commute is nothing. It's so about you outliving your usefulness.

I suppose what I'm trying to converse is have I got anything to loose if I agree to this set up ? I hear couples do live apart & it works .It's just I have a niggle in the back of my head that's saying ,but he's not showing me commitment .

Well that’s odd. I’d suspect he’s ending it but hasn’t the balls to say it, he’s trying to drift away.

On paper it would seem like that , but he'll say he doesn't want to loose me or he's not living together material .This is why I'm so confused .

He is ending it with you op...

It doesn't really matter what he wants, what matters is how you feel about it. Is this what you want? Are you happy having a long term relationship where you live apart? Do you see this positively or is it a step backwards for you? If its not what you want, then you want different things, and it will be difficult for the relationship to continue in that case.