My Girlfriend (F26) of 11 months & I (M30) have reached an impasse on compatibility and we are unsure how to move forward, I feel "stuck', not sure if we are just not compatible or if these things can be worked through. It should be noted that she has a Son from a previous relationship. We seem to disagree on vaccinations and general "ways of the world". Turns out her Son isn't vaccinated and she would be hesitant to vaccinate any future Children either.
I should be clear and state that I fully respect her own judgement and decisions for her Son, I don't have a right to say otherwise and nor would I. Where it becomes an issue is our Future children, as I would of course have a say then.
What should I do ? I understand every situation is different but some perspective would be useful. Please please try and not say things like " your Girlfriend is nuts " as while I respect your passion, it's not helpful. If I didn't see some potential outside of these incompatibilities, I wouldn't have lasted this long. Thank you.
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I trust science, I trust the medical professionals, I think logically and do research on things I don't understand. I am also however opened-minded, which is why I guess I have not walked away immediately and I am entertaining a discussion on it despite my opposite views. She however seems to be a bit more of a hippy (I mean no disrespect by that term, I hope it doesn't offend! - just using it to help with context. It's actually something I as attracted to in the beginning ( being different and all that) ).
She's in to "Healthy Living" as she calls it. Little meats, more plant based foods. No sugar. Doesn't like chemicals or other manufactured additives ( makes her own soaps and doesn't buy off-the-shelf products ). Essential oils ( hey, they smell great, not gonna lie ). Just helping to paint a picture...
It's never come up before, which is why we have got this far in to things. Now that we are getting deeper and more committed, we have started to think about a future Family. I would love my own biological kids some day. We naturally drifted to the topic of vaccinations. She asked would I be getting the COVID-19 vaccine, and I said "No, not immediately, I'd want to see it go through trials and let it mature a little but eventually I would absolutely get it" -- to which she replied with " Oh, well I won't be getting it at all and by the way [sons name] is not vaccinated either". My stomach dropped to the floor.
She cites the (apparently typical ?) reasons against them as:
- Overloading the immune system
- A child's immune system is only forming and we need to let it form naturally
- They are thriving without it
I asked her "If [sons name] ever fell and needed a tetanus shot, would you get it" - and she answered with "I don't know, probably not". Which I guess just concerns me even more. Tetanus can and does kill. It broke my heart to even think about her Son and our future Kids suffering in this way.
She appears to distrust the medical profession. Won't take antibiotics or other pills when prescribed, that kinda thing.
I guess I am worried about other things that might not have come up yet, if she feels this way about vaccines, what else could come up in the future ?
All of that said, I should mention, we are compatible in other ways. It wouldn't have got this far if we didn't have things in common and a genuine love for one another. She does think logically about a lot of other things, which is why when this came up I was completely floored and was unexpected.
She has mentioned on occasion that she's "willing to compromise" and maybe we can "spread them out (the vaccines) " which does indicate to me that she's open to change, but this fluctuates and she's not always consistent with these words.
I feel stuck because we've grown close, we practically live together, there is definite love there, we're compatible in other ways, her Son and I have grown close and am very fond of him. He's used to me too.
I'd really like to hear what you have to say (hard truths also) but I ask that you not put her down. She is my Girlfriend and despite our very opposing views on a contentious topic, I still love her and do believe she is well intended in her own way.
Thank you