Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

ok, that does count for a lot (despite people who'll tell you it doesn't)

but in -his- case, it's not worth it. He's appalling, lovely.

It's a scary world out there when you think about leaving with children when you know you're going to go from having a comfortable amount of money...to living off benefits. I know that's not a reason to stay, but it's definitely the reason im going to save some money before I leave. X

I think in your situation I would be more afraid of the children growing up thinking this is how normal relationships work and they would go into similar themselves.

I would rather be on benefits any day than put up with the abuse from your husband.

iCloud...100% I agree with you, and whether I leave today or in a month's time, il have to be on benefits so that's not quite what I meant. But I do want to leave knowing I've got a small amount of money in the bank, and atleast enough for a deposit on a rental before I quit my job and turn our lives upside down . X

I'm probably stalling and making excuses, I'm aware of that..but I just think for the sake of "putting up with it" for another month or two, I could leave in a much better place and could get myself truly organised.

I think the most important thing is to be doing what you truly want, for yourself and your children; about respecting your own needs.

Staying because you feel you need time to prep yourself for the easiest transmission into your future (calm, peaceful) life is very different from staying because you feel he has you trapped, or has manipulated you into thinking he's going to change. Staying for a bit isn't necessarily a sign you're making excuses for him - it can also be a sign that you are clearly and sensibly recognising your own needs and those of your children.

It would be different if you were in danger.

It's not stalling if you are doing something every day towards your goal of leaving. Even just a little thing!

It's a long journey, even if you only move next door. It won't happen in a day.

Have you checked out what you'll be entitled to as a single parent?

Eckhart ..that's exactly why I'm not telling him about how I feel this time because I know he is good at trapping me and convincing me things will be better etc..he's done it over and over again and I always fall for it so I'm not even putting myself in that position this time. He will find out I'm leaving, when I've left. I know it's going to be a hard couple of months pretending and putting up with him but I'm confident it's for the best x

@category12 I haven't recently, no. I did look at entitledto back when I left him in July and don't remember it being all that great and I'd deffo have to put the kids in the same room instead of them having their own because of the bedroom allowance or whatever it's called. I might re do it this evening so I've got a refreshed idea of what il be entitled to.

(ps I'm not too bothered about the kids sharing a bedroom until I was on my feet and back in work) my eldest will hate it though, having her annoying brother snoring next to her!! Lol

Would you not be able to keep the job your in?

No as I won't be staying local - I will go back to my home town (currently living in this particular place because we are posted here with military). My job is however easy to walk into (healthcare) so I'm confident that once I'm moved and settled I'd find a new one but just need the financial support of benefits til I was back on my feet x

It worries me that he’d find out/work it out if you stayed so much longer. He’s clearly spending every spare moment going through your stuff and trying to work out what you’re up to.

I do worry that too. I sat last night and worked out all my outgoings, debts, savings and it scared me. He also owes me some. Then I sat and talked myself out of going in January because it would ruin my DS's birthday...then gave myself a slap and told myself I could say that about every month as there's always some family birthday, anniversary or whatever! I know that with the manic build up to Christmas, I can cover and pretend and get lost in making it special for the kids..then il leave in January.

Have you done a benefit check? This is my line of work, and we recommend this one:

www.turn2us.org.uk

CAB should be able to help you or refer you to someone who can, too.

Yes I did entitledto last night, but when I've got a free minute today il try the one you just linked. Because we've always been a two income household I just have no idea what you actually need to live on. The checker said I'd be entitled to about £1500 a month (which includes child benefit) and rent would be about £600-£650 PCM for a standard two bed. Also realistically have no idea about bills because ATM we don't pay council tax or water. It's been a long time since we rented! I need to get my head around it all. X

I think I'm focusing too much on money, though. I saw another post where someone had said "If you focus on the little details you will always find a reason you 'cant' leave, you just have to jump and figure it out as you go".

My Insta/ FB is mainly full of kids/ horses/ dog and the occasional pic of me. My DP rarely goes on social media but he usually just laughs (usually the kids are doing something bonkers) or says something nice. What you're experiencing is NOT normal. He sounds controlling and manipulative.
In fact I got a message out of the blue from a guy I used to date the other day and DP just laughed and said he's glad I didn't carry on dating him.
Nobody should have to live the way you are OP

Don't forget you will be entitled to maintenance from him too for the children

You don't deserve this. How would he react if you told him you were going to block him from your FB so that he can't do this?

If I blocked him, he would go crazy! He doesn't think his behaviour is unreasonable surrounding checking my FB/insta so if I said I was going to block him it would definitely mean I was hiding something and I would massively be in the wrong.

iCloud, I had totally forgotten about maintenance!

It's controlling/creepy/unpleaant for him to get all weird about your social media, unless you're openly flirting with someone or something. Your online stuff and who likes it etc is your business, not his.

He is a classic controlling/abusive man in so many ways. Please separate from him.

@soulofanaggron 100% If I had a whole other social media life where I posted numerous pics of myself and loads of guys swooned over me - I'd kinda get it. But I dont, I'm not a very confident person and Its been months since I took a 'selfie'...the pictures are all of my kids, random memes, me and the kids & me and friends (rarely). I deleted one guy without even telling him, because I was just sick of hearing about it if he ever liked my stuff and he knew I'd deleted him because he thought it was weird he hadn't liked a recent post so checked my friends list. I can't believe it's only just hitting me how weird it is.