Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

@skycloudwind

Why have you posted on a thread by a domestic abuse victim who has just made the enormous step of escaping the abuse with her children, to point out that the abuser might not be so bad? Why do you care how he feels? Why are you pointing out that it must be very hard for the kids, when OP has mentioned that they were settling and making new friends as soon as they arrived?

Maybe OP's ex has been routinely abused himself throughout his life, and that's the only example he has known, and yes, that would be awful for him: But nobody on this thread cares. He needs to be posting that thread somewhere, and you need to be on that thread, not this one.

I second Eckhart’s sentiments, sorry the thread has been somewhat derailed overnight Alm. Please pay no notice and continue to focus on the road ahead and the goals for the next couple of days. FWIW I also found the wording of the email incredibly manipulative, and totally agree with the points others have shared about how was worded.

I hope you’ve managed to have a few decent nights rest now the weight has been lifted off you by being able to leave your Mums? Did you manage to discover the underfloor heating for last night?

Wishing you a sunny Sunday with your beautiful DC, some lovely fresh air and fun outdoors xx

Really appreciate your comments everyone, really haven't got the energy to reply to it all. Please keep it kind on here . For anyone concerned - the kids are okay. Yes the eldest is struggling a bit with not understanding why she can't call people, see school friends etc but please be assured I'm putting my everything into making this as easy as possible on them. That's part of the reason I chose refuge over two random weeks in a military contact house...because here they have support workers who are really gonna help them and they're surrounded by other children, playrooms, a garden etc, a real build up to Christmas, I promise I'm doing all I can x and RE the email - I know it's manipulative and I know it's him playing the broken husband who's wife ran away...I'm not replying and never will whilst here. Will be setting up a new email when I get five mins to myself. x

@graphista thank you will layer up to the max! Have reported the heating and they said they will try sort it this coming week x

Morning. You sound much more positive today. It's amazing what freedom can fo for you.

OP - well done love. Keep strong. x

@alm23x

I'm sending you an enormous hug 🤗 for yourself. Please feel free to share it with your children for whom you are being so brave. In the, hopefully, increasingly rare moments you question whether you are doing the right thing, take a look at your children and think about the safe and healthy future you are building for them. Re-read your own posts - particularly the earlier ones where you are listing how he behaves towards and manipulates you.

Take all the help from social workers, etc that you can and distance yourself more and more from people who either truly don't understand what you've been going through or are only focussed on their own interests. In that last group, I'm sorry to say, are your DM and SD.

Additionally, you may find it helpful to write down/journal in a notebook how your past life has been and the steps you have taken/are taking in the future to ensure you and your children get the peaceful, happy and productive life you all deserve. Read your journal whenever you are feeling low and questioning yourself.

You have been so strong, OP. Keep it up - you all have so much to gain. 🌹

Your doing amazing alm. I have had you in my thoughts all weekend. Are you able to stay in the refuge over Xmas I would imagine they make it really nice for the kids there

Be careful of @skycloudwind, op. I have a horrible feeling they are either your mum or your ex. Did they dm you at any point?

You are doing so well, you should be really proud of yourself.♥

You are doing amazingly, Alm. And you don’t have to justify to anyone here that your focus is your kids - we all get it, we really do, and are all full of admiration for you. Of course your daughter may be confused - but what a role model you are - the epitome of being a strong woman.

Your kids are so lucky you are their Mum. X

I hope you have the occasional chance to sit with a cup of tea and just ‘be’. This time next year your life will look so very different.

Thank you so much for all your kind words, and I do wish I could reply to each individual comment but this app sucks! RE staying here for Christmas - I do think we will be. Can't see me getting housing before then as much as I'd love Christmas in my own place. I think some of the other ladies go to their families etc but il stay here because Christmas with DM doesn't seem appealing anyway. Every time I think about Christmas I feel so sad as I obviously don't have decorations, presents etc...and feel awful that all the family that have bought for the kids will now not be able to give them. But what's one Christmas, when hopefully every other will be better x

Really need to limit contact with my mum (who still doesn't know where I am..nobody does). She told me they're (him and his mum) are going crazy and are bombarding her now and don't understand where I could've gone and why....if I was at breaking point and needed help why didn't I just let the kids go live with him and his mum (sorry what) and that he is in contact with his contacts in the police to find out what he can do. My mum understands why they're concerned (??!) and thinks that I should think about making contact with atleast his mum to let them know we are safe. I'm not doing anything til I've spoken everything through with a support worker tomorrow x

Your mum is something eles. I think you need to go nc with her, she is dangerous.

Alm please take his threat (because that is what it is!) about using his contacts with the police very seriously and report it to the refuge staff asap.
And yes, good idea to go very low contact (or even no contact) with your mum, at least for a while.
Big hugs.

Your mum is just a wimp. She’s clearly proved that she takes the line of least resistance, even if it means throwing you under the bus, for a quiet life. That applies to her husband complaining, or your husband/mother in law. All she needs to tell them is you’re safe at a refuge and have all the support around you that you and the children needs.

I will report it first thing when I see my support worker. X

You say she needs to tell them I'm safe at a refuge...I think that might be it. I don't think she's told them im in a refuge - just that I've gone "somewhere". X

You’re probably best telling your mum that you’re stopping contact for now until the refuge think it’s safe to start talking again, as it’s not helping.

Use his contacts in the police to track you down and drag you home more likely. 😡

I assume the refuge people know he is in the police? It might be worth asking them about a restraining order so you have an extra level of protection, esp if you do ever need to call the police for protection. A legal document might help if you run into any of the police old boys solidarity issues. (No disrespect intended to those who serve honorably but it is a thing 😔).

Stay strong, you've got this.

Sorry, crossed post, yes perhaps tell her you’re at a refuge for abused families and are getting lots of help - legal help too, so there’s nothing to worry about. But you don’t have to keep listening to her grumbles if you’re bothered by it. (you don’t sound bothered by it, as usual you sound strong and amazing).

Thanks @honeyroar :)

@Catmaiden

Alm please take his threat (because that is what it is!) about using his contacts with the police very seriously and report it to the refuge staff asap. And yes, good idea to go very low contact (or even no contact) with your mum, at least for a while. Big hugs.

Yes. I second this.

@feffiofaf he's not in the police, no. I think I know who his "contact" is - a guy who's a PO, I actually went to school with him. He's the only person I can think of that he means. Unless he means military police. Who knows. Il report the threat tomorrow though x

Still worth looking into a restraining order IMO.

Omg how scary. I'd definitely limit contact with your mum. It's not good that she's telling you all of this right now. It's just going to add to your stress.