Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

Asda have small electric heaters for £15. Would they let you buy one for your room?

I'm sure they would be alright with it, might just have to be pat tested? Il ask xxx

I'm sure a local taxi firm would pick you up and wait while you do a click and collect and then take you back. there is no harm in asking them and how much it would cost.

I often see people getting picked up by a taxi with their shopping outside my local supermarket. Depending on the distance, it might work out cheaper to get a bus to the supermarket and then get a taxi once you've finished your shopping?

Perhaps you could chat with the other women there and ask what they've been doing?

Re shopping and what the other ladies do - I think I'm the only one here that doesn't drive! It's quiet here today because I'm assuming most have gone out for th day. Will ask these questions when I see them though :) xxx

maybe one of the other ladies will offer to take you. There may be some sort of childcare situation going on there too to allow it to happen. It will be fine. Check out ebay for cheap tablet or something - people often selling them around now and can get an old one or a kindle quite cheaply that still works.
They will tell you about UC - or your job coach contact will - you can update the details in your journal. There may be housing costs that the refuge claim, so ask them about that and just update your claim
everything will be OK, and you will notice what a difference it makes when you are able to relax and not have to worry about texts and guilt trips and pressure from him or your family.
If they have any counselling, get it. Take everything they have to offer to you. And possibly download the freedom programme online - now would be a great time to work through that, once you have settled in a bit.

Putting childcare forms in on Monday but with half term only three weeks away, not sure whether anything will happen this side of Christmas. Glad I just saw one of the other ladies and asked about the heating, apparently there's a thermostat and I should have underfloor heating! So will be checking that out when we go back. X

Going to take all the councilling and support I can get, definitely :) feel like I need it! Will check out freedom too x

I text my mum just to say I'd arrived and safe - no locations. And she just told me he kicked off there yesterday and it got very heated..must've finally sunk in that he's lost all control. X

@alm23x

I text my mum just to say I'd arrived and safe - no locations. And she just told me he kicked off there yesterday and it got very heated..must've finally sunk in that he's lost all control. X

Hope she called the police on him. Will add weight to your case. Keep smiling x

Thank you xxx

@alm23x

I text my mum just to say I'd arrived and safe - no locations. And she just told me he kicked off there yesterday and it got very heated..must've finally sunk in that he's lost all control. X

How odd!! I thought he was a decent and reasonable man who was going to sit in a meeting and discuss it all calmly and rationally?

I’m totally shocked that he turns out to be an abusive controller who shouts, threatens and intimidates when he doesn't get his own way.

I’ve been thinking of you all day Alm! You are amazing xx

S00LA - the thing is, he probably wouldve sat in that meeting and been lovely...cried...etc. I'm glad she's seen him for what he really is. I'm just sad for his mum who is amazing to our children, she's gonna be missing out on contact too, and over Christmas! I'm going to ask if they could maybe send her a text so that there's no chance of DD7 slipping out where we are xx

@britinAus thank you xxxxx

And... look how far you’ve come. Less than a week ago (ish), you were worried that not texting him for six hours was “a bit mean,” after all he’d put you through. And reading that was such a sign of how he’d knocked your confidence. It’s perfectly acceptable to not respond if you are busy or if you are doing something. Sharing children with him, unless those children are having a life-threatening emergency, is not an excuse for him to be in constant communication. Many abusers have tried to use children as an excuse to control women, sadly. And as you said, when you actually gave him the option to call the children in the morning, he didn’t. You are going to be okay. I know all the little things of a new place - radiators, groceries - seem difficult right now, but they’ll get sorted. The other ladies will offer you the wisdom of their experience. You’ll be in your own house before you know it, and may even find, strangely, that you look back on this time with other women who understood what you were going through fondly. Life is strange sometimes. You’re being very brave; and crying all over everyone doesn’t mean you’re not brave FYI .

And about him kicking off at your mum’s, I suspect 0% of us are surprised but I also rank the chance she called the police at 0%. She will have cried a bit and then probably justified his abusive behavior (he’s just worried, he misses the kids, etc), sadly. This is why you’re the one breaking the cycle and... she isn’t. I’m very sorry about that.

Alm you are so strong! Im absolutely in awe of how you are handling all of this. Im so glad you are away and safe. Congrats on the start of your new life free from abuse and control much love to u and your kids lovely x

I have been thinking of you all day too! I had read your thread before and came across it yesterday with all the updates of you deciding to leave immediately instead of later and everything else that happened.

Hope you are feeling better and liking this new place. For some reason I feel very worried for your kids. It must be such a drastic change for all of you from just a few days ago!

How are the kids taking this change? Esp the 7 year old as she is at a age to remember enough but not understand enough yet!
Were they attached to him and was he good to them? That will make a difference to how they would be feeling I think.

Lots of love and best wishes to you and kids! Hope you all settle down in the new life very quickly

Your first day of being away from your ex and your mum's pressure / influence is nearly done! Was just making dinner and thought of you and your little ones. Still so proud you made the move that is right for you and for them too. Hope your day has been ok, that you have a good sleep tonight and it's a bit warmer for you in there

Will reply to your comments when kids are asleep :) Blocked him on everything but didn't even think of email as I rarely check them anyway and was too busy changing sim/number and deleting social medias..just logged in and of course he's sent one! "I hope that you and the kids are safe. When you're ready to just please let me know you're all OK. We are all worried about the three of you. I love you x" it's thrown me a bit :(

See what happens if you ignore him. I suspect you won't have to do it for long before his emails turn nasty.

He's seen your Mum, and your Mum knew you were going somewhere safe, right? So, he will know you're safe. Who is this 'we' and 'all'? It looks to me like more manipulation. He knows you. He knows your triggers. So, he knows how to trigger you. And he just did.

He says 'When you're ready', which suggests he's willing to respect your boundaries. You're in a refuge because of the way he's treated you. There is no guilt in not responding. He does love you, but it's not love as we know it. He loves you like a kid loves a teddy bear, remember. If you start responding to him, he'll be right back to pulling your ears off and bashing you (metaphorically) whenever the urge takes him.

Block him. Now.

You don’t need the hassle!

Your mother telling you he had kicked off was wrong of her

That shit is designed to scare you and reel you back in.

Please minimise contact with these people, him, your mum, anyone who knows them. They know you’re safe. That’s all they need to know

They’re not going to be part of the solution when they are so invested in being the problem

This stuff is horrific to negotiate, it’s messy, it hurts, but you have ONE job, to keep you and your kids safe.

You have us, you have the shelter and soon you will have your place to live and then you can move on and not look back.

He's just messing with your head. He knows you're safe.
Please don't reply xx

Your mum will have told him you're safe, don't respond to him.

Given that you may be using your email address as a way for people to contact you in terms of organising your future, make sure that your password is not something he can guess. It would be a good idea to change it and if you haven't already, set up 2 factor authentication so you would know if anyone tries to access it.

It might also be a good time to think about setting up a new email address, so that you can phase out using the old one and don't need to check it so often.

I know you feel bad about your ex MIL. But any loving grandparent will understand why you need to put the kids safety first and will accept that they might not see you this Christmas. The kids welfare must come ahead of their own feelings.

Also remember that this thread is in the public domain. Anyone can read it or even post - your mother or even your ex. So be careful not to say anything on here that would identify where you are.

Ditto with PMs.

We are all worried about the three of you

How clever this is.

Use of we - suggesting he's speaking on behalf of all the family. Conjuring up an image of them all united, sat together discussing you and worrying, infantalising you and thus undermining your decision.

And "they" are "worried about you". The suggestion being that you have done something risky, dangerous, and they are justified in being worried for your safety. Again, making it sound oh-so reasonable.

And finally "the three of you" - a quick reminder on the end here about your children, and suggesting you've done something risky with them, a stab of guilt here for you.

As PP said he knows how to push your buttons, he's presumably well experienced.

I agree, block, check security on your account, remind yourself of all he's done and recognise this for what it is - a further attempt at manipulation and control.