Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

Please please, don’t go to that meeting. He’ll use it to manipulate you and use your disgrace of a mother and SF to coerce you into going back.

Pp, were right the refuge will have other children there.

You’ve had other professionals tell you how bad it was, listen to them and follow their guidance. I’d also be telling them about his constant harassment.

That's the key! Just think in capitals from now on

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, Don go to that meeting!
Please.

another voice screaming... DO NOT GO TO THAT MEETING OP... they will all bully you into going back to your abuser

OP I think you put your real name in your post at 23:18, will report to MNHQ and ask them to remove it.

Stay strong, do NOT go to that meeting. Tell your mother it's breaking the Covid rules to gather that many people indoors if you want an excuse and that is easier for you.

Oh Sweetie, you are so very strong. I know you don’t feel it right now, but you are!!!! You actually left that man!!! We’re all so proud of you!!!! I think if you can get to a refuge it puts you further up the list for housing also!!!

Please don't be afraid/ashamed of going to a refuge. I used to volunteer with a refuge and they would make sure that the weeks leading up to/after Christmas were really special for mothers and their children. There were always lots of donations/gifts/special food at that time and the children really had a home for the short time they were there. It can be a really supportive environment and can offer lots of help sorting out the next step.

Jesus, I am speechless at what your mum has done; arranging a meeting for you with your abuser. Fucking hell, I am so angry for you. Don't just leave to get away from him, leave to get away from her and SF too. They are just as bad and not someone I could trust with the kids. Absolutely shocking.

PLEASE DO NOT GO TO THE MEETING. (Sorry, OP, but your parents are a fucking disgrace!) The council is a good option and often have their own emergency accommodation, there is 2 on my street, my friend had a violent Partner and when she finally left him to come stay with me, he started stalking and harassing her which was starting to escalate in other ways. She called the council and they had her in temp accomodation by the beginning of the second week after calling. Victims of domestic abuse are a priority for council housing. Call them and the other organisations today and be honest with them about your circumstances and that your current living arrangements are going to continue exposing you to abuse.

Please don't ever feel embarrassed about taking emergency accommodation or refuge, it's what it's there for.

I hope the other rental comes up for you. Keep looking. Have had a look on gumtree for rentals? I know a few private landlords around here who post on there instead of estate agents and things tend to move a bit quicker.

Good luck, OP. You are doing amazingly. Keep strong and just know that very soon you and your kids are going to be in a home where you're safe. I hope it happens soon, we are all here to support you.

Going to the refuge doesn’t close out any of the other options that you are pursuing. All it does is buy you time to pursue them with a clearer head. You will also be around people who understand what you are going through and who will be working on what is best for you rather than what is best for them. It’s a no brainier. It could actually make Xmas miles better for you all - esp if there are other kids around for yours to play with Have you read the thread about refuge experiences that is pegged at the top of the relationship boards?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/936487-For-anyone-desperate-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship-but-reluctant

Here is the thread - sorry was not pinned at the top

This will be all worth it in the end believe me. Please don’t go to the meeting what does your mum think it’s going to achieve, if she was a trained counsellor then she wouldn’t even suggest trying to mediate. You can stand up to his bullying. Mothers protect their children just like you are doing. Years ago I knew a young mum who had to get away and stayed in a caravan on site over Christmas and her children have turned out to be well grounded and happy adults. Please keep your resolve for a little bit longer and you will come out the other side a more positive and stronger woman.💐

My family did similar

My abuser groomed them and they thought he was some one troubled who needed help

It was stupid
So dangerous

Ignore stand firm

They think it will help you long term it WONT

I think I've allowed her to sort it out because I just hate telling people I disagree

Great chance to start practising saying no now OP!
Don't fall into the trap of justifying to your mum why it's a bad idea. Saying no will probably annoy her. Accept that. (And insert mental sweary capital letters here). As MN loves to say, No is a complete sentence. No, I don't want to go, on repeat.
Then get the hell out of there. It feels like you've gone from the frying pain into the fire in many ways. Get yourself to a refuge where you'll have support and a safe space to actually think!
Good luck today OP.

Please read that thread pinned by @TheBlessedCheesemaker.

A few years ago we helped a friend and her two children escape from a controlling partner. She got a place in a refuge several hours drive from where they lived. Partly for her own safety and partly because that was where she came from.

The refuge was great and not at all like she expected.

The staff helped her get a lovely housing association house, school places for the children and to qualify as a child minder.

She has a whole new life in safely and her children are happy and thriving.

And the best thing I ever did was to listen to the wise people on here who have been through this or have great tips on what to do next

Wishing you all the very best xx

Struggling to reply to so many of you, when so many of you are giving amazing advice. Balls in motion for a refuge...feels very surreal. How does the kids having contact with their dad work if I'm in a refuge?
Thanks to whoever pointed out that I revealed my name! X

Will come back and update more later when I haven't got dS3 hanging off my neck lol x

I am so shocked by your mum alm23x, i cannot understand why she is not supporting you. My DD is only 7 but if she came to me trying to escape an abuser i would move heaven and earth to help her.

Sounds like your step dad is pulling the strings.

Looks like il be going to a refuge today or tomorrow. I feel like not knowing where I am is really going to bring out the anger.

I think you need to block him now. I don't think you should be in contact with him when your gone into the refuge. You don't have to deal with his anger. Just concentrate on your kids now. Please don't tell your mother where the refuge is. I don't think you can trust her 💐

That's great news OP! You're so brave, you should be so bloody proud of yourself.
I think you're probably right, now he feels he has some control still (sending you ideas of places to live, wtf?!) It will become very clear now this is the end once you're in a refuge.
Can you make a plan in your head already how you're going to deal with the inevitable onslaught of messages and calls? Did you manage to get a second sim?

Not your problem right now. Get somewhere safe away from him and your mother, and relax for the first time in years.

Please don't tell your mother where the refuge is. I don't think you can trust her

I would second this, I'm afraid.

Giving the kids lunch then popping to town for a few supplies & a SIM. Waiting on a call now from the refuge. Have already been told not to tell my mum anything other than it's a refuge x

Keep getting very emotional, think it's the unknown. Can't believe this is my life! Feels like I'm looking in on someone else's..