Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

My ex threatened suicide countless times a way to try and get me back. It's standard emotional abuse and it's utterly pathetic.
His mental state is not your problem.
Just focus on you and the kids and turn your phone off or block his number for the night.

I am keeping everything crossed that these viewings go well xx

And you are doing the best thing for your child, please don't let him make you feel guilty xx

If he keeps going on about it, just say you don't think it would very healthy for her to be around a suicidal dad right now.

He’s going to try and push all the buttons hoping that something will made you respond. Ignore him, it’s just a tactic. Don’t feel guilty about school, focus on long term.

guilt tripping.. gas lighting.. manipulation via in-laws parents etc...

turn off your phone OP 🌺

Thank you. I haven't been responding so he's just trying to find something to make me react I'm sure. But the school thing has made me feel a bit guilty....however I know I've got the backing of the DA adviser I spoke to about it RE school...I don't want him knowing I've spoken to any of these people though.

I'm staying strong. Wouldn't know what to do without you all! Still feeling super stressed about being at my mums...but I know it's only short term. Just not a very fun atmosphere for the kids. They're very tearful tonight bless them!

Everyone keep your fingers crossed for my viewings tomorrow 🤞

Can't turn my phone off....me and kids are on an air bed in the living room so once they're asleep I'm on th sofa on my own... messaging my friends and scanning Rightmove is all that's keeping me sane on the evenings! Have turned off WhatsApp notifications now though so il only read his texts when I choose to open the app x

Forgive my french, but he's hoovering the fuck out of you. He'll do anything to get you back because he knows he's lost control, and he's desperate. He's tried telling you how much he loves you and needs you, he's tried 'I'm scared' and made you worried about him harming himself, he's even got flying monkeys involved within your family. Now he's using his own kids as a hoovering tool.

It's all total bollocks. He wants you back so that he can treat you like shit again. He wants your eldest back with him because that gives him better leverage to get you home to treat you like shit. In front of her.If he was interested in her welfare in the slightest, he wouldn't have created this monster of a relationship-situation, which is HIS FAULT, not yours.

He is doing the WRONG thing. You are doing the RIGHT thing.

Stay strong. Keep your resolve.

Block him

then unblock him in the morning

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/captivating-crimes/202003/hoovering-and-the-narcissistic-victim

Hoovering. He's a classic. They're all the same. It's astounding.

Narcissists have a different set of instincts to the rest of us, I think. That's why they have such similar behaviour patterns. Different species. Looks human, knows how to act human; not human.

Definitely hoovering! Ive been spending my evenings reading up on lots of different things. Not had much anger from him which has been unexpected but I think that might come when I accept a house as I think that's when it will hit him that this is done for good!

I'm sure he'll make time for some anger at some point! It wouldn't be conducive to his goal at the moment though, would it. You'd be less likely to come 'home' to him if he was angry than if he was broken and sooo in love with you and concerned for the welfare of his children....

Despicable manipulation. The more you say about him, the more revolting and immoral he seems.

You should be really proud of yourself for getting out of there! Things will be tough for a while, but you’ll get there slowly and you will feel so much better when you get your own place. Well done and please stay strong, don’t let him manipulate you into thinking you’ve done wrong in any way, kids are so adaptable and at the end of this you will know you did you absolute best for them and growing up in a household like that was definitely not the best for them!

Well done again and STAY STRONG!

Call 999 if he claims he will hurt himself. They will take it seriously. The military will take it very fucking seriously. You will get much less shit from him after he pulls a stunt like that if you treat it like a real threat, for which you would genuinely call 999.

Just RTFT and wanted to send an enormous well done to you OP, you are a remarkable woman to do what you've done in such a short space of time. Really hope you find your own place quickly, what an achievement that will be

good luck with the viewings tomorrow too OP 🌺

Please don't budge an inch for him. He's trying every tactic he can think of to manipulate you, and it's so obvious. If you use WhatsApp just mute for 8 hours. Take a break from his messages in any case and give yourself slots of 3 mins to read (if you feel you need to) then ignore for hours at a time. Freedom!

Hi OP, I’m new to your thread but I have read it all and I want to firstly congratulate you for having the strength to get yourself and your kids away from that arsehole!!! 💪💪💪

If you receive a suicide threat from him I think you should contact the police and get them to do a welfare check. Let them know that your mother has received one and you have heard from other people that he has been mentioning suicide. Also call the SSAFA and advise them (for the record). It will stop that BS pretty damn quick and there will be a further record of his manipulative behaviour for later use in custodial hearings in court. (I suspect he will take it all the way there, I’m sorry but you are going to have to play the long game with him because he’s going to punish you (and the kids) for leaving him.

Also agree with muting what’s-app, Facebook, etc so he can’t see it, switch it all off overnight and that may provoke him into the fake suicide message to get things on record for you. All this is evidence and patterns of abuse you can use later.

good luck today. And remember - your kids are just young. Theyve missed loads of school already this year and to be blunt - so long as they can read and do maths by the time they leave in year 6, thats about all primary needs to achieve. You doing an hour a day with them one to one will be more than enough to keep them ticking over. I home educated my daughter and it was amazing how little actual 'teaching time' was needed on a one to one level compared to in a school setting. Dont worry about their schooling is what Im trying to say, they will be fine. Plus living in a home without stress and anxiety will improve their learning ability a hundred fold.

Hope your viewings go well today OP, and you manage to find the house that you need for your fresh new start. Youre doing so well

Thanks for all your replies. Fight or flight has definitely worn off now and I'm feeling quite low and panicky. Have got some counselling referrals underway for any support I might need. Still only checking messages as and when I feel comfortable and minimising responses to only about the children. He messaged earlier asking if he's really been that bad and that I wouldn't have stayed for ten years if I wasn't happy and that it's cruel to pretend like we've had no good memories. I'm obviously not replying. I just wanna scream at him and tell him what SSAFA & the DA service have said to me but I don't even want him knowing who's helping me right now.
Sorting out access to a new phone this evening x thanks all for the great advice x

OP... he is still controlling the narrative ... all of it...

block him... and tell him to use only email 🌺

You might have a kind of 'fight or flight hangover'... adrenaline is so exhausting. You might need to lie down for a month or two ;)

So today he's telling you you're cruel? Yet another hoover manoover (I've never been able to spell that word, but that mis-spelling works so well) He's going through the list of possible manipulations very fast, isn't he. Sort of not giving much time for any of them to do the trick. I would hazard a guess that he's a bit rubbish at hoovering, so given that you're good at identifying and dealing with it, that will be better for you!

I don't even want him knowing who's helping me right now

That's some good healthy boundaries.

Forgive yourself if you need to lie face down for extended periods in a darkened room for a while, Alm. The enormous task you're doing is a very heavy weight to carry, you'll have to rest a lot (and probably eat a lot of chocolate) to get you through it.

I hope the viewings go well today.