Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

Better to go to a refuge than to go back there, alm.

Stay strong. You need to be at your mum's or a refuge. Don't go back.

Ps I've told my mum no...I would never get back out. She understands I think she's also just feeling some pressures from my SD. Definitely some abnormal behaviours there too. DS got moaned at for touching the walls when he walked downstairs this morning 🙄. He's 3!!! I know he's stuck in his ways and they've just moved into their beautiful house so I do get it..I just feel a bit on edge. Everything crossed for one of these houses tomorrow x

Just broke down to my mum, got back from taking the kids to the park, to her and my stepdad telling me they think it's time I went home. Im in peices. He has text my mum saying he's scared for his life now he sees no future so she feels sorry for him. I'm gonna call the domestic helpline in the morning and beg them to help me with housing or something. I'm not going home!

Oh my god, if you had not mentioned the military I would genuinely think we had been in a relationship with the same
Person. Constantly
Accused of affairs, even with his friends and family members, he enjoyed making me feel like he was in a mood with me. Would make digs about other men, if I looked particularly nice for work it would be oh who you planning on seeing today hey, he would often insinuate that I wasn’t actually going to work, and anytime I got cross and defended myself it would be ‘ooooo how defensive are you that makes you look very guilty’ I felt like I was banging my head against a wall. The thing about the kids bein spoke to like shit 50% of the time struck a cord because he was so stressy lazy and snappy yet when we break up it’s you have taken my world away from me.. like you barely like them you twat. Anyway, I had left
Him a few times, he would promise to change beg for another chance, this time I was abit down myself during lockdown the one time maybe where it’s been me depressed (he has untreated depression and can’t see his problems in life all stem down to him) he upped and left me . The point is men like that can’t cope when they can see they aren’t our number 1 anymore, and years after chipping away at me and making me resent him he’s now bored that I don’t idolise him and has left me. I am kicking myself for taking him back last time, because after everything he’s done to me for years and years it’s now HIM who can claim he as unhappy and left. Never ever ever ever take him back. It will be hard, for some reason (it’s only been 3 weeks) I do find myself sad and struggling and being very teary (I was fine at first more angry, then teary and now mainly numb again) but that is normal I think, grieving for the life I thought all those years ago we were going to have. Somebody said to me, don’t focus on the what ifs and who he used to be or could he, that’s not him. Who he is when the effort stops is who he is at his core and always will be. It’s that simple. There will be sad days, however my anxiety is 1000 times better without him here. I don’t feel on edge for his next mood swings or accusations or moaning at the kids or me. It was like he hated me but when I left I was an angel in his eyes. I can also bet he never told your friends, my ex once accused me of an affair and claimed that his brother agreed it did look fishy and he would think the same. One day I confronted his brother and asked why he would feed his paranoia knowing how hard work he was, and his face was so confused and said I literally have no idea what your talking about? When I explained who he thought I was having an affair with his brother was open mouth gobsmacked and said sorry but he’s never ever told me that and I would tell him he was mental if he did. They want to make you feel like it really is you and look these people agree with me, banking on you never actually asking the person. Scum scum scum. They will never change. You are amazing. Well bloody done!!! I wish I was you 6 months ago, now he feels like he’s the superior one it really bugs me but I just have to look at the long run. They will always be this way in life and that’s no way to live. We will be free and happy xxx

Tell your mum and SD they are
Your support system not his, they do not need to worry about a grown man their concern should be their daughter and grandkids and that is that. That is has took courage for you to leave and that the last person who should be marching you back to an abuser is your own mother. This is the type of stuff you won’t be able to forgive and it really isn’t okay. Xxx

I am so sorry you dont have the support you need from your mum. I am saddened to read that as I can ever begin to imagine sending my DD and grandchildren back to a man like your DH. I think your right to get support externally and explore housing options asap. Dont feel you need to return and as another poster mentioned, you would expect your mum to support you as her DD not your STBEXH. Your not safe returning to him , given his previous behaviours and now there is a risk of him becoming more controlling and violent a he knows you dont have the support one would expect from your own mother.

I can’t believe your mum is being so unhelpful. ☹️ Stay strong. You’re going to be in a new house soon and not to have to tip toe around anyone. Definitely speak to the people that offered you a refuge. If push comes to shove could you find a Travelodge for a few days or stay at your friend’s?

Refuge, quick, OP.

Your mum and SD are now his flying monkeys, and are being hoodwinked into feeling guilty about his welfare. They are now complicit in the abuse.

Please stay on the thread, where you have moral support and back up. You have people here rooting for you, who know what's wrong and what's right.

Please remember that going to a refuge doesn't mean you will have to wait any longer for housing than you would have done anyway. And in a refuge, you will be surrounded by a lot more support whilst you wait.

I feel for you, regarding your mother. The fact that she is not there for you now provides you with all the explanation you need about why you ended up in an abusive relationship to start with. She has a lot to answer for; but that's for another day.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish your mother was supporting your decision. She is allowing him to use her as a weapon against you.

And of course, here come the vaguely suicidal threats. Alm I promise I know it's hard to hear these, but they are so so so standard in these situations. 'If you don't come home I will kill myself' (or in this case the slightly more indirect 'if your daughter doesn't come home I have no future (hint hint)' while crying down the phone) is what he will say to make you sound like the abuser. I know people have said this before, but it's such classic behaviour.

I wish your mother wasnt buying this, she could have been a really good pillar of support.

As it stands, you are doing incredibly in this exceptionally difficult situation. Do NOT go 'home' (even the terminology here is making it sound like that's the default place for you - it isn't, home is wherever you and your children feel safe, secure and happy.)

You are right to continue looking for somewhere to live as a priority. Your mother is unfortunately not stepping up to the plate here - most likely reason is that she's fallen hook line and sinker for whatever he's said on the phone.

I was lucky in that my mother took my side immediately - she was able to see what was happening (long before me in fact). I just wish you had this support. Call your friends of you need to. Stay strong, I'm rooting for you xxz

Been lurking and reading your whole thread OP. I'm so sorry you haven't got support from your mum, that must be hard to bear. I'm willing to bet that your SD is also pulling some strings.

Stay strong, you don't have to go back. Pick up your stuff and go to that refuge, it won't be for long. One of your house viewings is going to come good, don't fold now.

Time enough to feel hurt and angry, for now just stay afloat and go find that new life.

I would NEVER forgive my Mother for letting me and my children at this most critical moment in our lives ...

NEVER....

but we all know this is coming from your cretin of a StepFather right ...

get into Womens Aid etc OP... I hope these houses you view tomorrow are appropriate for you 💕

standard response to a suicide threat is to ring an ambulance or signpost them to mental health crisis team, because you are not responsible for his mental heath wellbeing, and not equipt.
This really sorts the tiny amount of wood from the mainly chaff - sadly ambulance crew are well versed at dealing with abusers who feign suicide as a means of manipulation, its so bloody predictable and common.

just think - if his mental health is so fragile that he actually cant cope (despite being able to cope with a hell of a lot more in his day job) then its the last place you need to be taking vulnerable children. Id be tempted to make a call to his superior to report what he is claiming

if his mental health is so fragile that he actually cant cope (despite being able to cope with a hell of a lot more in his day job) then its the last place you need to be taking vulnerable children. Id be tempted to make a call to his superior to report what he is claiming

this is very valid and true points ... definitely consider doing this OP....

for your sake and for the sake of your children.. make that call.. because this man will take you to court for access to the children.. and use everything in his power to make you look like an unreasonable/bad Mother... you must take every opportunity to show who he really is... his manipulations.. his controlling behaviours...

his mental state right now... cannot be used as a weapon to make you return to an abusive home...

make the call 🌺

I think you said you were offered a place in a refuge before OP, but turned it down as you thought others might be more in need? While very noble, please reconsider this as a route to escaping secondary abuse. I feel sad hearing what your DM & SD have said

Yes definitely report the suicide threats. He's using emotional blackmail to try to control you. Shame on your DM for not supporting you.

Can't reply to everyone individually as much as I would love to. I've brought the kids out to the park again just to kill some time before tea. Seems my breakdown earlier helped somewhat, my step dad has said I'm welcome for as long as I need to be here and he's just struggling a bit but that he is trying. My mum has since changed her tune aswell, and we all just have everything crossed for the viewings tomorrow. I think having the kids there allllll weekend with nowhere to go has just stressed SD out a bit, but he will be out at work all this week which makes me feel a bit better. If they say anything about me going back again though, I will contact WA straight away and go into refuge.

Because we have military housing..they thought I should go back...him move into single accommodation that the RAF would put him in and me have the house while I looked for rented. But that still gives him every right to come to the house whenever he wants...I'm then 35 miles away with no car so can't do viewings etc and I'd have to stop / change my universal credit claim....he'd be turning up at the house, he'd have a key etc. I'd rather be homeless than do it!

agreed... you are safer where you are 🌺

As soon as he makes a suicide threat, I will make a call. Him saying he can't cope and he's scared is what he's said before when I've left...and that's not much of a threat but I have messaged his mum to keep an eye, who he's with.

My partner wouldn't ask this or even care who liked anything I posted on social media.

I suggest you print this thread and share it with him the next time he asks you about why people like your photos? It's not your fault after all.

I would also remind him not
To make
Flippant suicide remarks, as if his mental health is so on the verge of breaking that you will not be sending his children to visit him in a potentially unsafe environment. He will soon change his tune and stop the emotional blackmail, knowing full well you both know it’s just a control tactic. Funny he was suicidal last time when he was messaging another woman. Glad DM and SD have changed tune, SD needs to grow up ‘he’s trying’ how does he think you bloody feel, but for now at least it’s somewhere safe for you and the kids xx

@FrameyMcFrame

My partner wouldn't ask this or even care who liked anything I posted on social media.

I suggest you print this thread and share it with him the next time he asks you about why people like your photos? It's not your fault after all.

@FrameyMcFrame Read the full thread before you make such a stupid, witless, thoughtless, ridiculous and inane comment.

When they make suicide calls, don’t call HIM! Call 999 and report it. Leave it to them.

My partner wouldn't ask this or even care who liked anything I posted on social media.

I suggest you print this thread and share it with him the next time he asks you about why people like your photos? It's no

JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY

Now he wants to take the eldest back home with him so that atleast she can continue schooling...he's making me feel awful for pulling her out

You can turn off your phone - you don't have to engage with every bit of emotional blackmail he bombards you with.