OP, I hope you're ok. You're doing absolutely brilliantly.
It's been such an experience for me reading this thread. I had a relationship like this and hearing you describe your feelings makes me want to give you a big hug because I know exactly what you mean.
It was hardest for me in the immediate period after deciding to leave him. I was still in contact with him (error) trying to reason with him and explain why I was leaving. He called me cold as well. It really is live they're reading from the danger manual.
I believed that for a LONG time. I used to replay in my head how distressed he sounded on the phone. I felt like I was a heartless, unreasonable, selfish, crazy bitch.
Naturally, he knew when I was doubting myself and would make sure to capitalise on it.
It's heartbreaking thinking that someone else is feeling like I did then, because it was such a short feeling.
For what it's worth, I'm not a heartless bitch and neither are you :)
You're actually a hero, getting your kids out of that situation.
You're going to continue to doubt and question yourself I'm afraid - you'll compare yourself to women who are physically abused and think you didn't really have it that bad.
You did. Every little thing you've described on this thread is unacceptable. Going back to the original post, monitoring your Facebook activity is unacceptable in itself. Never mind the rest!
You are doing the right thing. Stay strong xxx