Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

@alm23x
💪 and apologies for not rtft!

Not feeling very strong this evening! Very overwhelmed with everything. Been on the phone to various different people today so heads a bit frazzled. Viewed a house but it was tiny...I was happy to move somewhere small but this wasn't suitable. Been referred to a domestic abuse service which I'm shocked at because I can't believe how serious people are taking this. Estate agents have been amazing, contacting landlords for me who don't usually accept benefits but explaining my situation so I've got two viewing on Monday. Got a phone call on Monday morning to sort financial help too, with first month's rent and deposit.

I have been weak though and have been engaging with him occasionally - rightly or wrongly. It's hard to have 50 missed calls and 10 texts and not respond. I got angry with him on the phone earlier so haven't responded since because I don't want that side of me coming out again. He is very much of the opinion that I haven't tried hard enough for this marriage. Says his mum thinks I'm cold and she doesn't know if she knows me anymore. I don't care what anyone thinks

You're doing amazingly well. You're bound to have moments of weakness but keep rereading this thread and be very proud of how far you've come. It's going to be hard but you have to try and not engage, he's going to do all he can to get you back where you were.
We all (on this thread) think you're amazing. It doesn't matter what he's telling you and his mum is probably going along with agreeing with him venting in a 'yes dear' way. Even if she isn't, she hasn't walked in your shoes so it's irrelevant. Keep strong and know we're backing you.

@alm23x love that's tiredness. Try and have an early night and try and eat something substantial.

He is very much of the opinion that I haven't tried hard enough for this marriage

The fact that he is trying to blame you is despicable. After the way he's treated you. You don't even have to be strong, now. You've got professionals on your side, professionals taking the abuse seriously.

It will be hard to stop contact with him, and supremely hard to stop his attempts at manipulation from swaying you from your resolve. You will have moments of weakness, you will end up talking to him, you will end up allowing him to see your emotions. Just keep it to a minimum, as best you can.

You must be bloody exhausted. You've done so much so suddenly. Try to rest when you can. It's a marathon; don't try to sprint it.

There's so many on this thread right behind you, backing you up. Take all the support you can. x

He is very much of the opinion that I haven't tried hard enough for this marriage.

his opinion is moot 🤣

It really isn’t worth speaking to him if you possibly can. You know he lies about what other people say. You know people are siding with you and glad you’ve left. Everyone is taking it completely seriously- domestic abuse experts, estate agents. Everyone believes you. Don’t let him put seeds of worry in your head. All you need to reply is “please only text me about childcare/the children”. Do that every time. Tell him you’re going to delete everything else, and do.

Thank you for the advice everyone. X

Don't delete anything!

You don't have to read it. You could get someone else to check messages/emails but please do not delete anything he sends in case he escalates and you need the evidence. I always figured that I wanted to know what was in my XH head so didn't block him. When I went to court for a non mol, all the messages were very useful.

I also had times when I doubted my decision and thought it would be easier to just let him back because I didn't know if I could cope with how awful he was being. I didn't know if I was strong enough to get through but I was and I am. You will be too. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time.

I have been thankful every day of lockdown (and before) that I haven't had to live with him through this pandemic! We don't have much money but we have a happy house and no walking on eggshells for any of us. No panic when we hear the key in the door. It's bliss!

True, probably not best to delete.

Haven't deleted anything anyway, we are back to lovey dovey sorry messages now but I'm not replying. I think this weekend will be hard as I'm not going to have lots of phone calls to make to take my mind off it. I've got this though x

Keep yourself surrounded by the friends that know and support your decision - every time he makes you doubt ring one of them - balance things up!

And if need be, put your phone away so you are not tempted to look at it.

I'm going to do exactly that now, putting my phone on silent and gonna try to get a decent night sleep. As always thanks so much for being my MN cheerleaders xx

Hope you're sleeping well now, away from the barrage of messages. If anything, every time you do manage not to respond, or to step back and see a manipulative message for what it is, take a second to pause, breathe, and congratulate yourself for carving out that boundary!! Not quite sure how to explain it, but it's a bit of a butterfly effect: a small act of resistance will carve a boundary which will foster huge benefits in the end. You don't have to solve everything all at once. You just need to add up tiny acts of resistance, one at a time, and you'll build a new fortress for yourself. Keep going.

@alm23x 👏❤️I've read this thread and I'm just wishing you well. Go you!! Well done

He is very much of the opinion that I haven't tried hard enough for this marriage

what, you have refused now to be that teddybear?

it wasn't a marriage love, it was a sham and you were his puppet.

As for believing him about what his mum says, do you still believe him about "what your friends said that it was half your fault"?

Just read this thread and wanna say that you're amazing and I'm so proud of you.
Getting out of two abusive relationships (thankfully no kids involved) were some of the hardest things I did but it's years later and I'm loving my life!

One day you'll look back and thank the stars that you loved yourself enough to walk away xxx

@alm23x could you get a new sim/phone? I ask, as if you had a new number (that you only give to a trusted few), then it may reduce your a anxiety and give you a little space.

You could check it say once/twice a day and only respond to things about the children.

As an aside, of course he’s going to say that X,Y,Z has said you are cold >insert whatever negative trait you like

Slept really well last night. Woken up feeling very anxious with a horrible sicky feeling. Think it's because today feels very long and empty - no plans to keep me busy with. Also think the adrenaline of what I did so quickly is probably wearing off now.

I spoke last night to a domestic abuse agency at the advice of universal credit and SSAFA and was very surprised how seriously they take it. I didn't even have to go into all 10million examples that I could pluck from the air... just a few and they validated me and backed me more than I imagined. They called my daughter's school and explained everything and are going to be putting counseling in place for my daughter should she need it in months to come. I'm so so shocked at how much support there is

seaEagleFeather - no I don't believe that my friend said it. I haven't actually told that particular friend what's going on at the moment but when she knows I will definitely ask her.

New sim is on my list of to do for next week as he currently pays my contract for this phone, all in his name etc. So want to have my own now anyway x

Glad you slept well.

Try and keep busy, watch a film with your DD, bake, go for a long walk and call a few of your friends.

It’s good that you are talking to outside agencies, but don’t keep this secret with your friends.

Thank you 💞 not keeping a secret as such, just limited who I have to explain to and answer all the questions that come flooding in. I've told three of my closest and over the week I will probably send a message to the rest over the week.

We are not friends on social media, I don't think he even uses his Facebook account anymore. He doesn't need to go online to get updates on my life because he's living it with me.