Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

This is absolutely the hardest part, now that you’ve left, either because he will increase the gaslighting to make you feel crazy, or because he will lovebomb you to beg you to come back and convince you that things will 100% change. Please think about how things have been going in your marriage as a whole and don’t fall for either one, now that you’re free, and use this time away from him to make a decision without him trying to convince you of anything (that what he does is normal, that other people are “saying things,” that you should accept ill treatment, etc. - none of that is true, and if you’re being abused physically, mentally, or emotionally, or coercively controlled, of course you deserve a better life).

Thank you :) definitely the hardest part is to come and I'm going to have to be so strong to not fall back into it. I think he will be relentless. I can do this.
Yeah Eckhart, my mum finishes work at 1pm tomorrow so she will be home in the afternoon. X

@alm23x

He's due home about 2:30pm tomorrow so that's when he will find out we've left. I'm really dreading it to be honest and fully expect him to turn up here and kick off. I hope he doesn't make a scene Infront of the kids. Haven't told the children yet - I think I'm going to tell them tomorow. DD(7) definitely knows something's up because no way do you take 3 suitcases, black bags, toys, to go stay at Nanny's for a night and she's old enough to see that something must not be right. X

If she’s old enough to see somethings not right then she’s old enough to see it’s not right. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

It will be ok.

Gonna get some sleep now (or not) after about 2 hours last night. So tired I feel drunk 😂. Thanks again for everything you're all such an amazing bunch of people x

Perhaps it’s also time to ask your friend, from the couple, if what he said was true. Because it won’t be, and it’s just more confirmation of his bullshit (plus more people who know how he’s been playing you to control you).

Write everything down that he’s done that’s not right. Read your list every time he’s making you dither and think about changing your mind. Keep your friends and family around you. Just focus on your new future in a new house without his bullying.

Sleep well

Congratulations OP 🌺

Well done op. Stay strong

@Honeyroar’s suggestion is really good about writing down everything he’s done. Sometimes you need it in black and white to help you stay strong. And remember, your children seeing him throw a tantrum because you left is better than them having to watch years of you being controlled or emotionally abused, so don’t give in because you’re worried about what the children will see. A few weeks or even months of upheaval will be better in the long run than them seeing a relationship that DC may mimic the rest of their lives either in how they think they should be treated, if they’re girls, or how they think women should be treated, if they’re boys.

Remember to contact the military welfare people to get this all on the record. If he does show up and kick off you might need to call for help in having him removed from the property. Good luck tomorrow 👍

Hi op - wow look at you!!! You're a very strong woman!!! So glad you called womens aid and had this behaviour validated by them and your friends.

I would discuss a safety plan with your mum and step dad as to what happens if he turns up at their place. Also if he turns up at the school though I don't know if they are going tomorrow?

Really well done OP. Wishing you lots of happiness in your new life away from him. Stay strong

Thank you all for the advice. No the children aren't at school tomorrow as we are now 35 miles away from the village. I'm having the same "was it that bad?" Thoughts creeping in this morning. I think it's because alot of his abuse was small daily things that escalated and built up over the years so when I think about writing them down I think it's going to seem silly to people. If I could write a list that said "called me names every day and occasionally hit me" it would seem much easier. I know deep down that it is bad enough but it does keep crossing my mind. I really don't think there's any going back from calling women's aid, handing my notice in and leaving this way anyway, even if he did make me question my choice! X

Will message my friend later & ask her about what she supposedly said. That's a good idea. Mums booked Friday off work so that I'm not here alone, and she's got annual leave next week.

morning OP... try to remember why you're doing this... you deserve to be treated with respect kindness and love... if you use this thread to remind yourself of how you were living...

I hope you feel safe and free... despite his anticipated arrival ... he created this environment.... you just said.. no more ..

Try to be kind to yourself.. glad you have support around you 🌺

Thank you so much xx

It was that bad.

Also as an adult with some autonomy you need to believe you can award yourself some happiness in life. You don't have to put up with this crap!!! Xx

I know deep down that it is bad enough but it does keep crossing my mind

This is the bit of you that, once the immediate aftermath of (your mammoth and amazingly brave) moving-out has settled down, you need to re-teach. The bit of you that doubts what you know, deep down.

In the meantime, just repeat to yourself 'It WAS that bad.' Every time you doubt it, just say that. You've got about 40 million people on this thread who agree with you, and, I think, nobody who disagreed.

It really was that bad, Alm.

You're right. A couple of people said about social media being the root of all evil lol but nobody has replied saying they don't think he's that bad. I know that I know this. Just going to feel like a loooong morning waiting for his arrival home now.

Do I leave his calls and texts unanswered later when he finds out?

Just read the thread and I think you're amazingly strong. Well done on getting out. Fingers crossed for your viewing tomorrow, a new start for your kids

Personally, I’d send one text message saying you’ve left and then block his number.

I would contact the military police and tell them I’d left (and why).

Remember, you can unblock/block his number as and when you want to. Blocking him, means you’ll get some head space and gather strength for the coming weeks.

Also, keep posting and reading what you’ve written (I’m sure there is a hell of a lot more that you haven’t posted about), just to help you remember that he is an abuser, who coerces you into sex, who monitors your actions on SM etc.

Personally I'd using this time to speak to a lawyer.. on the phone... or someone at WA... just to gauge what the better response might be OP.. just a thought.. do you're prepared as such 🌺

When he contacts you today I think I'd send one very matter of fact reply to say that you've left. Just facts and no emotion. But I'm sure that you'll get some more experienced people to advise you shortly.

Just told the kids. Hardest thing I've ever done. I've broken their hearts.

I think it's wise to never, ever speak to him about emotions again. His or yours. He is only in your life now as a practicality regarding the children.

Take professional advice on how to navigate that, but he doesn't need to know how much he's hurt you or how wrong he's been, and you don't need him to be sorry or to admit he was wrong. You don't have to tell him your reasons, beyond a simple 'You have been consistently abusive towards me.' He can argue, he can say he's sorry, he can make it out to be your fault, he can say you're mad or making it up. None of these things have any bearing on anything at all. It will all be a form of tantrum, and best dealt with by simply waiting until it stops.

I wish you strength in this, and I'm glad your supportive Mum is close by for you.