Social media stalking?

[alm23x]

Hi, it's my first post here so be kind!! Lol. Also still learning all the abbreviations so go easy on me with your replies 😂

Basically I'm just wondering how much interest your partners / SO's take in your social media posts - whether this be what you share, pictures, statuses, just in general?
For example - how many likes you get, how often you post, who likes your things, who follows you etc.

don't panic... think methodically ... you can do this .. 🌺

There's a very strong possibility that you've just changed your children's future relationships as adults into something they can enjoy, rather than something that traumatises them, by setting them a strong example.

And that's to say nothing of what you've done for yourself.

You've got power, and it seems you know how to use it. I feel like congratulating you, although you may be simply feeling shaken at the moment!

Definitely feeling shaken...I kept laughing when my friend was here - I think it's part shock..like a nervous reaction. Seems like I've done so much today that I never ever thought I would've...well, atleast until January. I've just put a wash in with the rest of our washing..I do think everything in this house is replaceable so I'm not going to focus on the material things or house stuff. As long as I've got paperwork, chargers and stuff, clothes, a couple of ornaments that were gifts, my special jewelerry, toys and my handbag!

Can't thank everyone that has commented on here enough...every single validation and confirmation that I'm not going crazy has given me so much strength I can't even put it into words x

From Womens Aid:

What to pack if you are planning to leave your partner

Ideally, you need to take all the following items with you if you leave. Some of these items you can try to keep with you at all times; others you may be able to pack in your “emergency bag”.

Some form of identification
Birth certificates for you and your children.
Passports (including passports for all your children), visas and work permits.
Money, bankbooks, cheque book and credit and debit cards.
Keys for house, car, and place of work. (You could get an extra set of keys cut, and put them in your emergency bag.)
Cards for payment of Child Benefit and any other welfare benefits you are entitled to.
Driving licence (if you have one) and car registration documents, if applicable.
Prescribed medication.
Copies of documents relating to your housing tenure (for example, mortgage details or lease and rental agreements).
Insurance documents, including national insurance number.
Address book.
Family photographs, your diary, jewellery, small items of sentimental value.
Clothing and toiletries for you and your children.
Your children’s favourite small toys.
You should also take any documentation relating to the abuse – e.g. police reports, court orders such as injunctions and restraining orders, and copies of medical records if you have them.

Full link Here

And bloody well done! Stay strong x

That's a really good list, thank you so much. It's so weird cos I'm worrying about how il get the kids bed from here into a rented house - they both have big mid sleepers and I have no idea how you take one down and put one back up lol. Such a trivial thing and something I don't even have to worry about for potentially weeks yet, but I can't switch my brain off x

Well done, I don’t even know you and I’m so pleased! It just shows, doesn’t it, that all your friends and family are happy and helping you leave. They’ve probably been worried about you. I hope you can get sorted soon. I’m so glad you’ve organised something for the dog. I’ve actually got a dog that came from a mumsnetter who was leaving an abusive relationship and was fleeing to a refuge.

@alm23x well done. So happy you have your family and friends support x

@alm23x

That's a really good list, thank you so much. It's so weird cos I'm worrying about how il get the kids bed from here into a rented house - they both have big mid sleepers and I have no idea how you take one down and put one back up lol. Such a trivial thing and something I don't even have to worry about for potentially weeks yet, but I can't switch my brain off x

Make a second list for things you might need when you find somewhere to live and put “Tools” on it . A small set of screwdrivers (flat head, Philips and a tiny one for those ridiculous screws they use on toys), a set of Allan keys, small hammer, Superglue, WD40 and some Duck tape.

You’ll also need a corkscrew, tin opener, kettle, knives, chopping boards etc.

If the beds aren’t assembled then they can go camping in their room or a pillow fort or all of you just get into bed together and enjoy quiet cuddles.

Thank you! Will definitely make a second practical list once I'm at my mum's. Tool kit will be on there - who needs a man! Lol, I'm joking, il be begging my stepdad to do it for me in reality.
I'm really dreading how he will react on Thursday and I know I've got some really hard day's/months Infront of me but it's all temporary and I will keep telling myself that.

@honeyroar that's so lovely of you taking the dog in. I'm hoping to find a rental that will allow a dog as rehoming is the last thing I want to do x

I’m sure you’ll find somewhere that will take your dog. It doesn’t matter what he says, he’s not got the upper hand anymore, can’t hurt you. You’ll be free, surrounded by friends and family that love you. He might threaten all sorts, but you will be on your own feet. As soon as you can get a solicitor sorted, get good legal advice- know where you stand then you’ll know his threats are rubbish.

A good quality electric drill/screwdriver plus YouTube takes all the mystery out of DIY, OP.

Don't be afraid of the practical things, those can be learnt, fobbed off on kind friends/relatives , and otherwise got around. Kids can sleep on mattresses on the floor to start with if needs be. But if/when you have the spare money, a decent electric drill like a Makita is a good investment.

There's a charity called Refuge4pets refuge4pets.org.uk/ who find foster homes for pets while their owners are escaping domestic violence. I don't know if they'll cover your area as I think they're based in the SouthWest, but they may be able to help or have sister organisations they can direct you to.

Thanks for your replies. Slept so badly last night and I've woken up feeling so anxious and sick, really hope it passes

Good luck today @alm23x you're doing the right thing and you have the collective power of MN behind you. I'm rooting for you! xxx

Make a request today for UC, it'll be a couple of weeks and back dated to the start of your application. www.understandinguniversalcredit.gov.uk/employment-and-benefits-support/making-a-new-claim/?utm_source=Search&utm_medium=CPC&utm_content=Claim_Online&utm_campaign=Benefit_Info&gclid=Cj0KCQiAhs79BRD0ARIsAC6XpaVabHBKmk7IiIg1sSMaiweE-imjnVhE0IIC9mYX2QB4dja-PTnCM0QaAkIIEALw_wcB

Morning Alm. Not surprising you've had a rough night. Take really good care of yourself and let others take care of you during this transition period. Take every opportunity to sleep, even during the day; eat well.

I'm really dreading how he will react on Thursday

Practically, it doesn't matter. If you've taken everything that's very precious to you, he can beat hell out of the house, scream his lungs out for the next 6 years, and tell everybody you're a piece of crap. He'll just make a prat out of himself, and anyone who loves you will stick by you.

Emotionally, do not get drawn into discussions with him. That's his gateway to manipulating you. He can't have a manipulative conversation with him if all you'll say is 'It's over, because I feel you've been abusive.' That's broken record technique. He can threaten you with whatever he wants, but essentially, he has no power over you. Don't defend yourself. If he calls you a '&"$%£& )£((£& $*£(£!!!', let him think that. Don't to be alone with him. He's mostly abusive when you're alone together, so avoid that.

Grey rock technique might be useful.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/toxic-relationships/201911/the-price-and-payoff-gray-rock-strategy

It can make life a lot easier.

What are you worried he'll do, when he gets back? Or is it just that nebulous fear of 'Oh god, I don't know what he's going to do...'?

🌺

@alm23x Hi. I've read all your posts and think you are doing really well. Wishing you lots of luck for today....

You’ll be so busy today use those nerves as energy to sort things out packing etc, and remember to take a breath. Then tonight sit down with your mum and step dad (and a glass of wine) and talk everything through and try to be as open an honest as you can. You’ve taken the first big step. Good luck you are so doing the right thing for you and your children 💐

Just caught up with everything on here and wanted to wish you luck!
You'll be so much happier

@alm23x I started reading your thread last night as I was falling asleep. I've finished it this morning and I'm in tears. Obviously I don't know anything about you but I'm genuinely rooting for you. Keep going keep going keep going

Your children will be so grateful to be away from him

Well done OP. Youre amazing and have 100% made the right decision. Do not get sucked back in by him.