Hobbies and family time

[ememem84]

I wasn’t sure whether to post in AIBU or relationships as I guess I need advice or to be told who is being unreasonable.

Dh and I have been married for 9 years. 2 dc (age 1 and 3).

For the last 6 years I have been doing my hobby (horse riding) for a hour and half on a Saturday morning. Plus travel time this takes me out for 2 hours.

I get so so much joy from it. It clears me mind keeps me fit and gives me the headspace from family life. Dh knows this.

I don’t own a pony (although would desperately love to) and don’t compete. It’s just lessons on a Saturday.

I’ve always made sure that since having the kids Weve done something in the morning before I go - yesterday we took a walk down to our village playground and cafe. Then while I was riding Dh took the dc to visit fil.

We all got back at roughly the same time and had lunch and then went to the beach to look for pirate treasure (ds’ choice).

Dh and I argued last night because I left him alone with the kids “all day” And I do this “every weekend”

He’s upset I’m also out this afternoon (friends baby shower). And he’s rather I didn’t go because it’s not fair on him.

For context he doesn’t have a winter hobby. But in the summer he is out on paddleboard at every opportunity. He gyms every lunchtime during the week. He works full time. I do four longer days and have one day a week off with the dc. I also go a Pilates class one evening a week leaving him to do bedtime (although this will stop after Christmas holidays as I can switch to a lunchtime class at a studio next to my office)

Am I being unreasonable by continuing with my hobby? Am I mad for thinking it’s ok because it sparks joy, takes me out of my head a bit and recharges me so I feel like I can be a better person and mum?

Or is Dh being unreasonable for trying to stop me doing something I love. He insinuated that I hate family life.

Also him paddle boarding whilst you sit on the beach isn't "family time" which you need to tell him in black and white, that was him doing his hobby whilst you looked after the DC solo.

We talked last night. Again. And I said I’ve no intention of giving up the riding or the other stuff I do (Pilates as this is good for my back and strength).

The Pilates I can switch to a lunchtime so once I’m done with my evening course I will do this one lunchtime a week. Which is fair.

Bedtimes with two under 4 are chaotic at the best of times and maybe I am avoiding it... but I’ve no issue admitting it one day a week.

I find j do a lot on a Friday because I can. Essentially I have all the time and if I need an apt somewhere of whatever I have all day.

Tomorrow he’s going to the gym in the morning. Will be back so I can go to the stables and we’ll do something in the afternoon. Which is what I wanted anyway.

He needs to get his head sorted out though.

Yes he does!!

Ask him if he would like to condense/drop his working hours to have a day at home with the kids and get lots of time to himself???

Bet he says no... why is it different for you?

Oh gosh sleep deprivation is a nightmare .
It magnifies everything.
I agree with PP who said this is the time you need me time even more .
I craved it like fresh air.
What stands out is that he feels entitled ( like an awful lot of men) to do his activities without question but you are having to negotiate yours.
Im glad you are standing firm.

I did suggest he take a Friday or a day with the kids and I’d work and he could let me know how tough it is.

My view is that when I have the kids I take them out (to stop them trashing the house...) yesterday we went to the zoo. We have a membership so it was a couple of hours out and about. Both kids knackered from the fresh air.

He’s off to the gym this morning. When he gets back I’m off riding. Then we’re going to get lights for the tree outside.

I should add I had no issue with him going to the gym. It was the hypocrisy and double standards I had the issue with. Dh seems to think I had issues with him taking leisure time. Nope.