20 years ago, in my early 20s, I had a very casual relationship with a guy. It was quite intense, but he could be a bit flaky (this was before mobiles did anything but calls, texts etc). It fizzled out and we went our separate ways.
Both married, both had a child each. By spooky coincidence we passed one another somewhere neither of us would usually go and got talking on Facebook during the summer of 2018. He had divorced a few years prior and had sole custody of his child, who has learning difficulties. I had just separated from my husband and was sharing custody of our child.
We met for coffee, and progressed to a relationship. I’d describe it as intense but casual but he told me he loved me within a couple of months, which frightened me. He had been flakey a couple of times, dropping our plans at the last minute and on one occasion without telling me. He would message regularly and then there would be days go by before there would be contact even though he was on FB regularly. Final straw came when we had arranged a weekend away - planned around his childcare weeks in advance, both looking forward to it etc. The night before he messaged saying he had to go to his parents for a religious celebration, would be odd if he was the only one not there etc. Didn’t answer questions about whether it was an afternoon thing or whatever, whether we could still have the weekend but just go later. I ended up going on my own and feeling like utter shit. He messaged once to say sorry and that he hoped I had a good time anyway. I ignored the message. When I got home he sent a long message saying he had fallen for me and that it scared him. He had a lot on his plate and couldn’t see how he could meet my expectations over time together etc. I had said throughout that I didn’t want a full on relationship as I had a lot on as well. We didn’t see each other again, just the odd friendly message for birthdays etc.
Fast forward to last month. He messaged me for my birthday and we got talking. Again lots of messages back and forth for days. My working pattern has changed since Covid and this offered an opportunity to see one another. This suggestion led to intense messaging over the last 3-4 weeks. I had suggested tomorrow to meet before the lockdown announcement. He was very keen. He hasn’t messaged since Saturday night. No reason I can see. My last message from Saturday and one Sunday morning were seen but no answer. He’s been all over Facebook since.
I’m not putting up with this shit this time round and would rather it stop now than start and end up in the situation I was in in 2018. People make time for the people they care about and I find it exceptionally rude to essentially be ignored like this. Again, I feel shit about myself because of someone else.
There is nothing I can think of that would prevent him from spending 20 seconds to send a quick text - even to say he’s up to his eyes - but spend hours each day on Facebook.
I really want to tell him this, but not quite sure how to, or when. Or, indeed, if. (I know if I say nothing I won’t get anything tomorrow - the day we could have met up.)
Anyone able to talk some sense into me? Please?