He's handsome, a high earner... but

[Coastingit]

Married for 11 years. 3 beautiful children. Zero sex life. WWYD?

Never a real sexual connection but a real life goals one - together from pretty young. Both uni educated but now me a SAHM and him a high earner. Wasn't how I saw my life going but...

I could be happy with our situation if I felt loved and valued. And I don't. We have mutual friends and a lovely social life and a lovely house in a lovely area.

But. I feel defensive, I feel self protective, I feel like I'm not being myself. He's sarcastic with the kids. He has no sexual interest in me, he watches porn and if I even hug him it's a suggestion that I want a super energetic multi position fuck. Which, realistically neither of us want or can be bothered with. I ache for a real emotional connection. He works 16 hours a day leaving me to deal with the kiddos who are very young and needy.

We went away this wkend for our anniversary, first night away in literally years. Haven't had sex in months. We both got drunk after naice meal. In hotel I drunkenly snoozily realised he was wanking into my arse cheeks. Finished and wiped it off, rolled over and went to sleep. I was shaking and upset, started to cry and then felt angry and had a go at him. Next morning he remembered and said sorry then hid his head. We didn't discuss it and nothing else was said, now he's being his usual emotionally distant self and I feel really upset by it. I feel like he probably does it regularly when I'm asleep (he works late and I'm regularly asleep before him).

Am I being over sensitive on this or is it fucked up? I'm really upset by it. I don't know what to do. I feel violated, basically.

@matchingsocks

I'm really intrigued as to what life goals you consider more important than love, respect and happiness? An Audi? Bifold doors? Get away from him OP. You deserve more than him.

I’m with you. Even OPs thread title is very fairy tale like. It’s actual quite shocking to read..

I do agree with @CovidClara here. When I read your OP and what you realized he was doing my instant reaction was whether he could be gay. Sorry to dwell on the incident as it was obviously distressing for you but it does seem like an odd choice of sexual interaction from his part. Why would he not just have normal sex with you? He was drunk, but he chose to do what he did - to that part of your body. It raises more questions than it answers for me.

You need to think of rape snd sexual assault as if someone did it to a stranger

So if he did that to a stranger. Would it be ok? Would you as a woman. Being saying that if he went up to someone on the street and did that. Is it ok?

If it is. Then it's ok

If it's not. Then it's sexual assaults. We find it hard when others say. But your his wife. Even in law it wasn't until recently that a husband could rape his wife. However. That's all changed.

So look at it as if he went up to some random person. That's your answer

He sounds like a porn addict. You have 3 small children and don't work so not so easy just to LTB. I would suggest counselling but he has to be invested too in making things work.

What would you say/do if you're daughter came to you as an adult and told you what you have just told us? You would probably ring the police on her behalf and report that she was sexually assaulted by a spouse.

Marriage does equal constant consent. You are not his possession to do whatever he feels like at will.

Attractive, rich men are also capable of quite heinous things. Ted Bundy, anyone?

Get out now. Find a guy with average looks and income who gives you everything you deserve, including love and sex. Not a pervert who pays your mortgage.